How long have you been using this bed? Would your dh be willing to use it as a guest room bed? Seems a little unfair that it was a gift in his previous marriage and yet he's unwilling to even consider your feelings. Sounds like a compromise is in order.

Do you have a guest room where you can put this bed? I feel sad for you that you have a bed in your house that you want to use, and you can't. I understand your dh's attachment, but I hope he can let go. This is one of those situations where someone feels obligated to hold on to an item for the wrong reason. Perhaps he might learn that he is attached to the memory of the gift, and not the gift itself.

Is this bed a Queen size too? If so, why not just "rotate" the beds once a year? Maybe he would fall in love with the sleigh bed too.

The PB lights are nice, I'm not sure if it were me I would swap them though. But then again, it is hard to see what you really have. Maybe just new shades?

Good Luck.

I agree with Natal. I understand him wanting to hold on to something of his mother's, but if I were you, I'd want him to move on from his previous life/wife. Been there/done that. My dining room furniture isn't the pricy set I could have had, but it's mine, even if it's cheap. I'd use it as a spare bed and make use of the sleigh bed. If you can't use it as a guest bed, at least let it switch places with the one in the attic. I'd bet his mom would be horrified if she thought he was hanging on to something like that with his new wife/life.

Is there no other room for this bed? Is this a new dilemma or one you've put with for a long time? This is not the reply you're asking for...I apologize. I am just angry that you are being asked to accept what most women would never be able to live with happily....and would not. Pretty outrageous, IMO. Remind him that " a happy wife is a happy life"! If there is no other bedroom in your home, then perhaps another relative would like it. If not, surely he must realize that his mother would never wish for a material thing like a piece of furniture to interfere with her sons marital happiness. Take it apart, store it in garage/attic,etc. and move on. I'm certain he must have many other wonderful ways to remember his mother that do not include the memory of sharing a bed with his first wife( and all the coziness that signifies). Hating a place that's meant to offer an atmosphere of intimacy and loving warmth is just wrong.

I agree with the other posters, a sleigh bed is so pretty and in your second photo showing the wall lamp you like - I see what looks like the head of a sleigh bed? almost the same shape anyway.

First off, you deserve some sort of award for being the Understanding Wife of the Year. Decade, maybe. And I totally understand the reason for your husband's emotional attachment to the bed--although it would be nice if his mother's final gift had been, say, a beautiful silver tea service or a nice piece of art--but this just seems, well sad. For you, that is. Still, things could be worse. Things can always be worse. When you married him, at least you didn't inherit an insane housekeeper like Mrs. Danvers along with the ex-wife's bed.

All the above suggestions were well-meant, but then, you may have already gone through most of them with your husband, either in actuality or in your mind, and well, seeing as you're still sleeping in the bad, maybe they didn't work. If that's the case, I'm sorry. Maybe in time they will. Like I said, you're a good wife. But, sad to say, there are some things in life that we just can't change, as much as we'd like to, and this may be one of them. Rather than obsessing over what can't be changed, it only makes sense to do whatever we can do. And if that's the case here, then your approach--visually minimizing the bed's presence, if not eliminating it--seems to be the the next best thing. Maybe in time, your husband will be able to leave the bed behind, at least emotionally, if not physically. I bet it would look nice in the guest room. say, if a nice picture of her were in there, and the room were painted her favorite color. At least she--and the Ex--would be in the other room. Baby steps.

Anyway, in the meantime, changing those items that don't have emotional strings attached to them is a good start. The PB lamps look handsome but their being so much larger than your current lamps means that, if you were to hang them in the same place, you'd end up with the lampshades in bed with you, too, as well as Mom & the Ex. It could get pretty crowded in there.

The solution to that particular problem, fortunately, is much simpler: draping the curtains to the outer edges of the windows to make room for the larger lamps. Their wide-angled shades should still throw plenty of light. And maybe this small step now will make your husband more willing to consider a more imprtant change in the future. Best wishes to both of you. M.

I'm not going there with the bed, but the lamps are great looking; however, the switch to turn them off is on the top which might make them not so great bedside lamps if you read a lot in bed. We have them in our living room since we don't have room for side tables.

They went up super fast and are very sturdy and the finish is quite nice.

re: the bed -- does he have any children that are old enough to appreciate the bed? If so, maybe he can be convinced it is time to pass it on to the next generation. We are using a QS sleigh bed that I bought in 1996, before we were married. It's not DH's favorite, but its pretty benign (not too girly, not shabby chic, etc.). Do make note that the sleigh bed takes up more room front to back than the average bed -- make sure you factor that in when planning your room.

Of course we're about to make (or have made) a contemporary headboard out of some great quarter-sawn oak. So I may soon have a sleigh bed in the attic, as well!

I like the lamps, too.

Have to agree with Magnaverde. You are a good wife and marriage is about compromise, this is a biggie, but as far as I am concerned, not my business. You're a big girl and can make your own relationship compromises.

So, to the question at hand - the lamps are lovely and the idea of draping window curtains to the side as drawn above look like a win win!

Please post pics when you've made the changes!

Ugh...the bed situation. All I can say is my exH insisted we keep and use his parents bed based on a sentimental story. It was dated & ugly and he knew it. The point behind it showed me he'd rather snuggle with mama than move on, and $$ was not an issue...but I digress. It disturbed me then. Still disturbs me now, and we are divorced. I'm understanding and supporting your feelings.

I'm having a hard time with the lamps because I don't really see or feel the scale of the room & lamps in their real environment...what I DO see & agree with is doing something different with the curtains....similar to what Magniverde shows...or something on those lines.

The existing curtains act as pillars or posts to the bed, and kind of chop up and separate the way the bed, the room, and the presentation shows. The lamps emphasize the pillar thing. Soften up the sides of the bed.

Wish I could help more.
Gayle

NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT HERE.... this is the BED, not the BED AND MATTRESS, RIGHT?? because if it was both then ....whoa ... thats a bit too personal there ! lol
I THINK the best idea is to give to a child or put in guest room, and if I were you I would let him read these responses.
He needs to sit back and look at this a bit more objectively...good luck! love the PB bed.

I love Magnaverde's suggestions with the drapes and the lamps, and I agree that it will minimize the appearance of the bed itself.

I was just thinking, what if you used part of the bed to create something else and so your DH could still have a piece of it in the house... but you could use the pretty sleigh bed.

I included a link to a project you could do with the bed's headboard.

Either way, you know your DH best and your room will look beautiful with or without the current bed. Keep us updated!

Here is a link that might be useful: headboard coat rack

I really like those PB lamps and was eyeballing them myself. I think they would look nice in your room. I didn't even think about them being almost in the bed as Magnaverde pointed out. I like his suggestion of pulling the curtains back.

While the new lamps you picked are pretty, the switch at the top would be a deal breaker for me. I'd hate to be cozy and have to stretch a lot to turn it off.

As for the bed, if your son is old enough to buy you a new bed, I am guessing he is an adult. Maybe he can use it in his guest room (or if he ever has a daughter) so that it is still in the family and your late mother-in-law's legacy can live on. Your husband may not realize what he is asking of you to use the bed he shared with his ex wife. Perhaps if he discussed this with a female relative, friend or co-worker, he'd come away with a different perspective. Sometimes my dh will think I am being nuts about something until one of the women he works with will set him straight, lol.
A bed is a very personal thing and you should not be reminded of his ex-wife every time you use it and esp as you are being intimate with him. Ask how he'd like it if the tables were reversed and you had spent years being intimate with someone else in a bed that you wanted him to sleep in forever more. You have been a good sport for however long it has been but if it still bothers you, you can tell him you tried it his way and you want to respect his wishes, but he has not tried it your way and hasn't respected yours. It is his turn to be the understanding one.

I am very frugal and I'd have to say, I'd want a new bed. If it were just an ex-gf, it would not matter as much, but an ex-wife.... let's just say he'd be getting a cold shoulder if I had to sleep in a bed that creeped me out! Talk about a mood killer....

Love the work up you did on the room Magna! The change in the way the draperies are hung gives a whole new look to the room. The PB lamps might not work out, but at least you gave some hope that change could happen.

Another thought, since you are covering up the bed with pillows anyway, you could always rig up a new headboard, cover it with nice fabric. The bones of the bed would be there, but disguised.

Lol, I shouldn't have mentioned the bed's history, but I was just trying to establish how old it was. We've been married 25 years, and sleeping on this bed since the beginning. New mattresses, of course, every 10 years or so, I just put a new one on last year.

It's not so much that he had the same bed with his first wife, as the fact that I feel the style of the bed is outdated and not what I'd personally like. I've always had a thing for sleigh beds, and my son knew this. DH and I talked about it again last night, as your comments encouraged me to broach the subject yet again, but still with no good results. DH likes the bed, it's "solid mahogany and made in the US", and "better than anything new we could afford to replace it with", blah, blah, blah......it's just not worth the argument and tension this discussion causes. He is NOT one to buy new furniture. It is high quality mahogany, it's just the short headboard with cannonball style frame that I don't favor - he doesn't feel it is out of style, like I do.

I think Magnaverde has come up with a suitable solution, and I was pleased to see the rendering with new drapes around the bed. I'd been toying with the idea of new drapes for some months now, anyway, and that soft side draping at each side of the bed makes the whole bed wall softer and more flattering. It looks nice with the lamps, too. I think this is the direction I'll need to aim for.

I'm so glad you posted that. I've been sitting here thinking, Who cares? I didn't read your post as that it had anything to do with ex-wife, and honestly, I wouldn't worry about it myself. Just to let you know that either you and I are weird, or everyone else is. ;-)

And my DH is probably a lot like that, too. (Well, I'm kind of like that.) But he really likes old-fashioned, high-quality type things that are passed down, style be damned. I think you can work with it, add some funkier side tables or other accessories, or more contemporary bedding. (Not that I dislike any of what you have, but you could go further in juxtaposing the Colonial bed with the rest of the room.)

Lower right of pic shows one way of doing a cannonball not so "out of style":

Do you have another bedroom you in which you could set up the sleigh bed?

Whew! Me too so glad you posted again! I can see, after 25 years, any reflection on the past inhabitant would have long faded. I did begin my rant with an apology for not addressing the issue at hand....I just go nuts over controlling husbands... not that yours is, but it did sound that way.
I LOVE the pic segbrown posted of the bold shams at the headboard. Somehow, they really give it a fresh, contemporary feel. After seeing this pic I'd suggest no flowery prints( even tone on tone). I'd keep it to very monotone solids, ala hotel, or Restoration Hardware style....or that pic from
Elle Decor. With the pillows in place, there's no need to do a thing to disguise or cover the headboard. I have a cherry cannonball bed in a guestroom, and I'm sorry the headboard is covered by pillows! :>)

Segbrown, thanks for the photo showing the more contemporary features of that room. Note the dark stained doors, I just painted all our interior doors black, so our room could have much similarity with this image. I guess that's the way I was already heading, by putting up a more contemporary mirror behind the bed, and replacing the traditional styled wall lamps with something leaning toward a more contemporary PB style. I just replaced the sheers behind the curtains, for woven wood blinds, which I also feel adds a more contemporary element. Since the windows essentially frame the bed, what I put on those two windows has a big effect on how the whole bed wall reads. I think the whole issue is going to be new drapes and bed linens to get the effect I'm looking for. I appreciate the suggestions so far.

DH is one of the most non-controlling men I've ever known! He lets me have my way with everything decor-wise, and pretty much prefers to let me be in charge of all major decisions. He's just a bit resistant when it comes to changing what he's used to, and that he feels is perfectly good, when it relates to newer style vs. old fashioned. In his book, "old" means "better", and most times he's right and I feel that way, too. I'm just tired of this bed, that's all!