As one with 2 of them, I have come to realize there is no hope.

Well, I have that continuous age old battle within myself.

Evil: STAY OUT of my kitchen

Good: I need to teach them how to cook so that when they go out into the world their potential spouses won't think that I raised a total kitchen imbecile.

Self-serving: What in the world makes you think that I am your servant who needs to serve you every single morsel of food that you need to put in your mouth?

But really, I have been known to get them out of bed at night when I discover that they've made a mess that they walked away from. Really. My saying is "I am Mom, not Maid, not Mule" (I don't make it a habit to carry their items to them, either, hence, not Mule). Every since they were old enough, we've taught them to be self-sufficient and clean up after themselves. However, somehow it just doesn't happen and I come out in the morning to bowls and cups and peanut and sunflower seed shells. And I know they know how, because when they stay at someone elses house, the parents tell me how courteous they are and they pick up after themselves, yadda yadda.

One thing that has been effective: they get a monthly allowance -- not to do jobs around the house, but mainly to learn to budget. If their chores don't get done, or if they leave messes, or I have to bug them too many times to get stuff done, they have to give me moneyy at the end of the month. They hate giving me money.

Rant over.

Assign the boys to kitchen duty on alternate weeks.

Teach each one how you expect things to be cleaned and stored, and if they don't do it, bring them back to do it again.

I am still working on no underwear, shoes, used tissues, etc on the floor. I'd also love it if aim in the bathroom would improve. I speak to people with older sons and hear that this battle is far from over. Our sons are 7 & 8.5 so we have a long way to go.
I totally agree about house training them and also expecting them to pitch in. My future daughters in law will appreciate it and the boys will have happier marriages. I know how much I resent my MIL being a martyr and wanting to be needed. She therefore never taught hers to lift a finger. It was not doing them a favor, or worse, their wives. If my sons learn how to not need me, I will have done my job. I'd much rather they WANT to be around me than they were afraid or too incompetent not to be.

ok.. next rant.....

It's tough...even with an adult DH and teenage DD (along with the teenage DS!) One thing I've done is take a picture of what goes in what drawers. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. My DH is the worst offender! For some reason he just can't get the pot & pan drawers right! Oh well!

One thing I recommend you do when you first move in (and probably for the first 6 to 12 months) is to make a "storage map" and post it where everyone can see it easily. To this day, my MIL asks where the "map" is when she's helping putting away dishes while visiting. (It's been two years now since we moved back into the kitchen.)

Here is a link that might be useful: Buehl's Storage Map

Nag, nag, nag. (Thank you, Clint Eastwood!)

No really, that's my method. It makes me crazy to walk into my recently tidied kitchen to find open cereal boxes, milk puddles, coagulating bowls o'mush, buttery crumbs everywhere (because plates are too much trouble!), the OJ carton, etc. all over the counters and table. Gah! By the time I notice the mess, the butt of the offending party is cozied into the couch in front of XBox, so it is extra painful to GET UP and clean up the mess. My demands, uh, requests are met with groans and sighs and "Gotta go, my muthurrr is making me DO something." grunt snort eyeroll. That's from the teen boy. The teen girl will emerge from her cave with three days worth of dirty dishes and leave them on the counter above an empty and waiting dishwasher, next to 6 or 8 mostly empty water bottles that could easily be dropped into the recycle pullout. Since she isn't home as much, I have to catch her in the act.

I know they both know how to cook and cleanup. My son takes Culinary Arts at school and criticizes, erm, gives helpful pointers, about how I do things. They rotate through tasks so he KNOWS how to clean up. My dd worked the grill and kitchen at the little league snack shack and local soup kitchen. I've watched her clean those places up spic and span. Their friends' parents exclaim over how helpful they are at THEIR houses. Hmpf.

Lol its sooo satisfactory to talk with all Moms :D
i know you all are suffering same up to some level.
well thanks for so many great experiences.

Buehl, I'm so impressed with your maps that I've copied them to do one of my own. After living in the 'new' kitchen for 7 years, DH still acts like he's never been in the house & constantly asks where thus-&-such is!

I've raised (well I guess I should say WE'VE) 3 boys who are now 22,23, and 31 so I know exactly what you're going thru! Some things I miss about having them all at home (like washing up the football stuff - yes I enjoyed that) but much I don't miss includes cleaning up the kitchen 5-6 times a day, maybe more. It got to the point that I had a new rule "kitchen is closed after 9:00 PM!" Now of course that did not include me, in case I wanted to bake brownies or make popcorn haha!

Another rule I had was absolutely no food in the bedrooms. I refused to go around looking under beds etc for dirty dishes or finding empty pop cans, etc. So just today my daughter in law tells me that she went to crawl in bed the other night with a bag of munchies and my son says "What are you doing?? You can't eat that in here!"

I have to smile to myself.

and then she tells me that her mother would actually bring her cereal to her in bed! and now I have to frown :(

This was the best - loved everyone's comments!!