Does anybody else have a DH with decorating opinions?

14 years ago

All my friends do whatever they want with their homes and as long as they don't go over budget, their DH's don't care what they do. I'm so envious!!! Mine has a very vocal opinion about EVERYTHING in the house!!! He thinks real wood should ALWAYS be stained (I like it both painted and stained). If it's painted, he assumes it is junk wood. He also likes all the furniture to match - as in everything in the room!!! He's the greatest guy in the world, but I wish he'd leave the decorating to me!

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Comments (29)

Meghane
14 years ago
I'm lucky in that DH does have opinions, but he also has good taste, which happens to be similar to mine. I do most of the upstairs work; he did a great job on our basement/arcade.
sherwoodva
14 years ago
Oh, Beachgirl!!!
I feel your pain. My ex wouldn't let me use any color but beige. The whole house (4 BR, 3 1/2 BA) was the same color. Not why I left him, but I love color. My current DH said "anything but beige." Unfortunately, when we re-painted the house two years ago, I couldn't decide on the LR color, so he picked it out - pale lavender, which is currently in style, but does NOT go with the other rooms.

Maybe you can ask your DH to let you decide on how one room will be decorated. When he sees what you can do and how things look, maybe he will let you do other rooms.

Another suggestion - drag him to some Decorator Show Homes if you are near a city. They show all kinds of decorating styles. Here, each room is "done" by a different designer. I am hoping your DH just needs to be exposed to different styles.

Good luck!
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> I don't imagine things are different in Canada, Zabby. Actually, there are some significant differences, which is why there's work for me on accounting texts here, most of which are adaptations of U.S. books. But the overriding principles we're arguing about are universal. > In the U.S. there are 7 sets of GAAPs. I don't know any accountants who talks of "sets of GAAPs" --- they're not like the ten commandments, but a large body of principles and customs. > However, "So the overall cost of my life doesn't go up if I start using that shovel to grow veggies." doesn't ring true in this case. We are not measuring the total cost of your life. We are trying to make a comparison between the costs of a home-canned jar of something with what it costs to buy that something. So, in this case, you have to include all those bits and pieces in order to compare like to like. Ah, but here is where I think your logic is truly faulty. As I said, accounting is a decision-making tool. It helps businesses make decisions about their finances, governments make decisions about how much tax to charge you, and people make decisions about what to do with their money, time, etc. (though of course it's not the only or even the most important factor in those decisions, as we have all agreed in the case of canning and gardening). So accounting helps you ask various questions and get answers that compare things. Now, you seem to be asking the question "How much does it cost a company, starting from building the factory, to make and sell a can of tomatoes, vs. how much it costs a person, starting with absolutely nothing, to make a can of tomatoes?" As an academic exercise, it may be interesting, but it's irrelevant to most real situations. The question I was talking about is the useful one: what is the overall extra cost (or savings) to my life is I can veggies instead of buying them? If I already own a shovel to grow my flowers with, that shovel has been already "paid for" out of my "growing flowers as a hobby" cost centre in my life. If I "charge" some of it to my canning cost centre, then I'm double expensing it --- a no-no according to GAAP in any country. > There's also another aspect we haven't begun to look at: Cost of possession. When you are buying things you generally buy for immediate needs, or maintain a very small inventory. Not necessarily. I know plenty of people who buy canned goods by the caseload from Costco or Price Club. But the general point is true that there is a cost of maintaining inventory --- though it can't be generalized to a particular percentage for most situations. It depends a great deal on how the inventory is managed and where it's kept. (That cost is much higher, for e.g., in places where space is expensive, or for goods that require special circumstances --- so the cost of possession was way higher for things I stored frozen in the city than for a canned good in my larger small-town home.) A much bigger often-uncounted cost by many people is the land --- I would have bought a home with a smaller yard if I hadn't known I wanted a veggie garden. So part of my mortgage every month should reasonably be costed to my veggies. On the other hand, the veggies I grew in Toronto were in my BF's backyard which he wasn't using anyway, so it would have been UNreasonable to apply the space cost there. It's comparable to, say, vacant land that a municipality donates to a company to help entice them to move to that municipality. SImilarly, one's labour time should be charged only if, realistically, one would have been making money if one wasn't canning. (In my case this is sometimes true.) If one does it for sheer joy, then it's comparable to volunteer labour. > The fact is, most opportunity costs are unrealistic. Sure, if you weren't canning you could spend that time on a ski trip. But would your _really_ make that trip? Probably not. Opportunity costs are hard to measure, because who can say for sure what one WOULD have done? But they are absolutely real, and companies that ignore them in their accounting make worse decisions. In the case of many people who regard canning as a hobby, if they weren't canning, tney'd be doing something else recreational, very possibly something that costs money. > Number one: You cannot can food less expensively than you can buy it. Well, the main difference between us probably really is that I think you're using a definition of "less expensively" that is irrelevant to the question most people trying to make this calculation are actually asking --- and I mean quite apart from including the whole "priceless experience" factor. One that I suspect would, in fact, be rejected by an auditor. Even under my definitions, mind you, I think many people, probably including me, don't save money by canning. But I think some people do. Sigh. I am tired of arguing this one, too, GL, and I don't actually have any expectation you will change your mind; the only reason I am bothering, is that actual cost, in a realistic, practical sense, DOES enter into it for some folks. (I have one friend, for example, who canned fruit during grad school to save money.) And for those people who might want or really need to economize in this way, it's not helpful to say categorically it can't be done, nor to claim that some supposed "rule" of accounting means they "have" to count certain things as costs that don't make sense in the real situation. It shows a misunderstanding (all too common) of what accounting actually means. > Number two: Who cares? We can for all sorts of great reasons, and actual cost hardly enters into it. For me it sure doesn't, I am 100% with you on that! And we do agree on the main thing that the experience and great product are the most important, for us. Z
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roobear
14 years ago
OMG My husband!! I love him, but the man can drive me insane sometimes. Whenever I want his opinion on decorating and ask, he tells me he doesn't care. However, when I have a plan and I'm ready to do something, without asking him because I don't think he'll care, all the sudden out of left field, he has an opinion and it usually doesn't match mine.
snickysnacker
14 years ago
I have a husband who always thinks "why change it; it looks fine the way it is"....no matter what it is. When I make changes, he almost always likes what I have done. I sometimes am envious, though, of wives who have husbands who are interested in decor. I cant usually get mine offer an opinion on whether he likes option A or option B ("whatever you think is best" )and that can be frustrating. On the other hand, a friend had a whole decor thing in mind down to the last detail and the husband had an opinion that was opposite of what she wanted. Maybe I should count my blessing?? LOL
gsciencechick
14 years ago
We have similar tastes overall, we like a lot of retro-look items, but one thing he really wanted was a white kitchen. I had my reservations, but I have to admit, it has turned out well so far. We just need to finish up appliance purchases.

Now, getting him to get rid of old things, that's another story!
haley_comet
14 years ago
OMG YES! and it DRIVES ME NUTS!

I wish he would just leave things to me...and not to be mean but alot of his opinions are darn it ridiculous! He just has no idea but thinks he does. He is getting better though. He is an amazing carpenter, plumber, electrician, builder etc etc...he does it all and soooo well I just wish he would leave the decorating in my hands.

I never knew a man to be involved in such things...my father was never ever interested in such things so this 'type of guy' threw me for a loop when we first met.

Haley
jlc712
14 years ago
My DH seems to give one of two opinions about every project I want to do:
1. Nooooo! I like it this way.
2. Why? It's fine the way it is.
Grrrr. He does have good taste, but fights every change.
:)
Jen
tinam61
14 years ago
Look at it this way. He's taking an interest in his home. My hubby does voice his opinions at times, sometimes he leaves it completely up to me. He has an office here and chose most of what went into that room. We enjoy antiquing together and that carries over into decorating the house, so it all works out. Not that we always agree, but it's his home too and I feel like he should have input.

tina
cattknap
14 years ago
The decorating is my domain - I ask his opinion about things that pertains to his comfort but other than that, he trusts me to do a good job with the decorating....he has plenty to do outside the house without meddling with the inside.....this arrangement has worked beautifully for 32 years.
Happyladi
14 years ago
Yes, my husband has definite opinions about decorating the house. Yes, it sometimes drives me crazy. But sometimes he has good taste.

For example we framed both our bathroom mirrors with Mirror Mate frames. We did them one at a time and I picked the first one. I was going to use the same frame for the second mirror but my husband really wanted a different one. We went with the one he chose and I get more compliments on it. No one comments much on the one I chose.
jacy
14 years ago
My ex had horrendous taste but of course thought otherwise. As we embarked on a complete down-to-the-studs bathroom renovation, he wanted black fixtures and mirrors everywhere. A wall-to-wall mirror behind the sink and adjacent toilet, and directly opposite that, mirrored doors on the tub/shower. Can you say carnival fun house? Who wants to see themselves coming and going - literally! - for infinity,

This, in the main bathroom that everyone, guests included, uses. In the right setting, I think black fixtures can be stunning, but not in this pedestrian little raised ranch. Besides, he wasn't thinking style factor, he was thinking it wouldn't show dirt. Wrong, and gross, gross, gross! Who wants to mask bathroom dirt?

I was saved by the fact that he was as cheap as they come and as soon as he saw the upcharge for black, that idea went by the wayside but quick.

I gave the contractor a little heads-up [tee hee] about the mirrors so when the ex asked inquired, he was prepared with all sorts of professional advice about storage, the toilet stack, weight, etc., and was able to avert that disaster as well.
clax66
14 years ago
I am smiling because, yes, my DH has very strong opinions. I also don't know anyone else with a partner who is that involved with home decor! But we are splitting the costs, so it's only fair.

Luckily, we share very similar tastes so 90% of the time we come to a fast agreement about the style. The other 10% of the time can be difficult because it means we live in an unfinished space for far too long. It took us almost a year to agree on the bedroom paint colour, so I was stuck living with the PO's pinky beige walls for far longer than I wanted.

My DH also takes forever researching and finding the best possible price. Just yesterday he wouldn't let me purchase a coffeemaker because he wanted to do some research on the different brands. Thankfully, his due diligence has also saved us thousands of dollars.

Every day I count my blessings that I'm with him:)
tarhlfan
14 years ago
My DH leaves the decor to me, thank goodness! He is very laid back & easy to get along with. It would drive me nuts if he was sticking his nose in everything I do around here. I don't give opinions or make decisions about his work, after all. Can you tell I am very independent??? My hubby is happy to leave it to me, but helps if I want or need it. works for us.
patty_cakes
14 years ago
I don't, but youngest DD definitely does! He has good taste and I usually agree with his decisions, but it could be that we're both Virgo's.LOL

He's not cheap either. They're inheriting two birds, and are turning one of their rooms into an aviary. DD called me over today and wanted my opinion as to what they should do with the floor~they already took up the carpeting. My opinion was they could go cheap, and install peal and stick at about $200 or do the stained concrete at a cost of $700. We all decided on the stained concrete, and SIL didn't bat an eye, so I guess it could be worse.
nicole__
14 years ago
I want to buy another old chair, a chippendale wingback. I want to cover it in white duck and put big nailheads around it. The latest look! He says it's gonna look like grandmas house if I bring this chair home! :0) But he says I should do whatever makes me happy. Sooooooooooo do I buy the $10 old chair......or???? It's kinda confusing,but not really a problem unless I take the "grandma" thing personally. :0)
tarhlfan
14 years ago
I say go for it. Think you will love it. Men don't usually look at decorating forums, magazines, etc. so they don't have any idea of what is current.
pat_tea
14 years ago
DH leaves it up to me and so far we have agreed on everything. I was afraid he wouldn't like my color choices but he really likes them. I do try very hard to decorate around his likes and comfort which as I have shared before is a bit of a challenge. His guns and my roses, his leather and my lace, his iron and my crystal. So far so good.
User
14 years ago
Ours is a mish mash, sometimes he does (especially when it concerns wood) and sometimes he doesn't. I may not always like his opinion but I'm always glad when he does because like others have said (Tina I think), he's taking an interest in our home.

The one problem I've having is convincing him that painting our kitchen cabinets from honey oak to white would make the kitchen look better. Every design change we've made in there has been with that in mind, but now he says he likes the wood and doesn't want to paint them. Ugh...now tell me that's not a design challenge! LOL...
cliff_and_joann
14 years ago
I'm a lucky sonofagun, if I love it he loves it. I get
anything and everything I want inside.

Outside in the gardens, he points to his chest and say's "I'm the Boss!" :) Gardening is one of his passions,
he loves it, so, no complaints here...He bring me flowers everyday from his gardens :)
As I type this there are roses on the kitchen counter from his rose garden...
Joann
nhb22
14 years ago
YES! My DH is pretty good about letting me decorate because we do have the same taste, but he does not like draperies. I have gotten away with putting up draperies in the guest rooms, but can not convince him that we need them in the master bedroom and dining room/living room areas. His opinion is that they are just a dust collector. :(
johnmari
14 years ago
Yes, mine has opinions, often strong ones, and I really appreciate them. He has pretty good taste, quite compatible with my own, and a fantastic eye for color. He gets overwhelmed and shuts down if presented with too many options - normally more than about five - so I usually do all the research/legwork and bring him the final three options I've whittled all the possibilities down to, and then we choose from them together (or he says "I hate all of them and this is why", we discuss it, and I start over with that input).

I always feel very bad for the husbands who get "steamrollered", who would care about how the house is decorated if they were allowed to, and end up living in a home that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to reflect them - the poor bugger ends up camping out in what amounts to being HER house. I'm not saying that every room has to have taxidermy critters and hockey jerseys in it if he's into hunting and sports, but it's his house too (and it's rather sad how he's so often expected to pay for all this decorating that doesn't take him into consideration at all). He may want something as minor as not having a zillion pillows on the couch, or preferring landscape photography to antique floral prints.

There are several men on this forum who prove that men can and often do have excellent taste in decor when they don't buy into the bullpuckey that the presence of XY chromosomes means they automatically have no clue about decorating.
redbazel
14 years ago
If mine starts to have an opinion, I say, "Oh look, Lowes is having a tool sale......take the Visa card!"

Red
cattknap
14 years ago
Joann - you are a lucky woman - what a nice arrangement you have with DH - love the flower - wow!
User
14 years ago
Joann - I love that picture. It's so perfect, it looks painted.
gracie-2006
14 years ago
My husband enjoys my decorating and leaves it up to me. However- he does have opinions and voices them occasionally. Like- why do we have so many pillows that I can not use? Why do you keep lamps on in the middle of the day? (b/c I love lamps). Our biggest issue was when I wanted to replace his 80's hallogen floor lamp with a designer floor lamp that he uses in our bedroom next to his computer. He said if I could find one that put out as much light then he would get rid of his. I found one- put 100 watt light bulb in it and - nope not enough light! We had to compare them. We compromised- his hallogen light is in a back corner next to his computer armoire that can not be seen unless walking out of the room. Mine is on the opposite side in the visible corner. LOL!
tomorrowisanotherday
14 years ago
Gracie--have you ever tried *watering your plant* so to speak???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVOOjV_E3s4

I also love lamps on in the daytime, and we have the same argument here too.

My DH has learned over the course of many, many years to stay out of my way with the decorating. He admits he has no "vision" for the way things will turn out. One strategy that used to help me (when he was silly enough to voice objections) was for me to let him think the ideas were actually *his.*

If that does not work, I suggest finding an inspiration room photo from a magazine to show him for reference. Mine would not listen to me (a long time ago) when I wanted a plain navy sofa and he wanted the plaid. He said the plain version would be "boring" and I caved. We lived with that %$^& plaid sofa for 12 years. Now I have lovely (not boring!) plain camel colored sofas that are easy to accessorize with pillows, throws and go with other nearby fabrics. I got my way because I used a page torn from a magazine to explain WHY it would not be BORING. He seems to require outside confirmation sometimes, LOL!
mary_ruth
14 years ago
Just saw this post.
My DH does all the work around the house I ask him to do. But if I leave to do errands, or if he sends me out for Pizza, I come home to a 'deviation' on the plan.
For example: I hear 'I thought it would look better this way'! I cringe. Sometimes I have to rethink an idea so he won't have to tear out.

My future house, I will NOT leave him alone in the house if he is holding a tool!
TG he loves to cook, and that keeps him out of trouble and me on the gaining side! He is a comfort food cook.

He can do it all, as I put it, WITH supervision! ha ha! But, he is a keeper!
My house on my Blog, shows hardwood flooring, closets, built ins and molding. All his handiwork. I draw up designs, measure and put markings on the walls, I do shop drawings and then sand, patch and paint after him. Oh and forgot to mention the 'full clean up'! But the after is so worth it!

Here is a link that might be useful: My Blog
jant
14 years ago
Yeah, see my latest post lol!

Grrrr.......
kgwlisa
14 years ago
I hate it when I ask hubby for his opinion and it's the wrong one. It's not necessarily that he has strong opinions about what things SHOULD be, it's that sometimes he can't envision what I am talking about until it is done. I overrule him frequently and he is always happy with the results (or too smart to say otherwise - nah - he is way more honest than he is smart). I do try to make things about him too though, even when he doesn't know it.

Does anybody else have a DH with decorating opinions?

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