I'd window shop for BOTH. Look at counters you'd like for both, b/s you'd like etc. Odds are there will be some b/s or slab that you simply cannot do without and that will help dictate the cabinet color. I know most here say pick cabinets first, but if you are a huge stone lover or tile lover, it may help more to shop in a different order.

I originally wanted dark cherry cabinets with an old world/Italian look....I ended up very white french country! I love both of the looks but, in keeping with our location (ranch house) and budget (cherry is very expensive!) we opted for the second love.

When we started this process, I collected photos of things I love in a scrapbook. After a few weeks of seeking internet photos of amazing kitchens, flooring, windows, cabinets, one style kept coming out more than anything else. I have referred to that scrapbook SO MANY times throughout this remodel and my builders have commended me on having it (okay, they've also laughed a bit...but, I can't tell you how many times it has cleared up potential problems and helped me to convey just what I want!) I adore my kitchen but it looks nothing like my very first thoughts of what I wanted.

I recommend the scrapbook idea...and going to as many showrooms as possible. Find the look that really makes your heart sing and go with it!

Oh! one other thing that helped in the decision making process was ease of cleaning/care. My white cabs have a finish that is very durable and easy to clean....floor is dark porcelain tile, rest of the house is travertine...easy!

What does your house tell you? Is there a particular style that makes more visual sense than the other, given the other finishes and trims in the building? In general, kitchens that look like they blend with the rest of the house have a more welcoming feel to them.

I agree with baha. If you think whites are hard, wait until you try to find the "perfect" gray! Take your time and try to enjoy this process. Scrapbooking is also a great idea.
I agree with baha too that maybe as you take it to the next level of counter and backsplash, you might be drawn in one direction.
One other thought. Is your kitchen big enough for a built in hutch? Maybe this is where you can add a second color?
Two toned kitchen can get complicted though as you have to find counter and BS that blend with both.

Even though you don't have 2 kitchens, you can combine the looks and enjoy both....do the white and put the gray into the counter and backsplash...or do the gray and put the white into the counter and backsplash.

Or if you have an area to do it, you can build in cabinetry that looks like a separate piece of furniture and do it in the contrasting color

{{!gwi}}

Or if you have stools at a peninsula or an eat in table or something, add the other color there.

Especially since the gray and white blend so beautifully, I think you can do both. Sometimes you can have your cake AND eat it too!

Oh, always! At least I'm used to it. I agree with the choice that's most right for the house; when everything comes together particularly well it's always especially pleasing.

On a very practical side, white never goes "out" as a main color in decor because because it's totally unmatched in its special qualities and because so many people who love it when it's in still love or like it a lot when the enthusiasm wave finally says too much and moves on for a while. Gray is lovely but does go out and stays out for long periods. In your place I'd go for flexibility, because I always do. White where it can't be changed out inexpensively, gray where it can. White cabinets, gray walls or even just accents. Or flexibility of a different type--painted cabinets, gray now but prepared to grab a brush when you feel like a change.

Another option is to do gray on the bottom and white on the top. I've seen this combo in a few kitchen pictures, and I like the look when it is done right.

http://www.customspaces.net/gallery/gallery-martin-kitchen.htm

Another option is to do gray on the bottom and white on the top. I've seen this combo in a few kitchen pictures, and I like the look when it is done right.

http://www.customspaces.net/gallery/gallery-martin-kitchen.htm

I was going to suggest what Nap said. Gray on the bottom, white on top...or keep the white cabinets and have stainless steel appliances, maybe marble countertops, and use gray on the back wall of your glass upper cabinets and behind open shelves. Gray walls with white cabinets would also be very pretty...if you find just the right gray :)

As for 'having more than one true love' my two are english country cottage and french country farmhouse. I like them both, but I think I've narrowed it down to the english country cottage (which can have a few french pieces) and use the french look on the glass porch. The iron chandelier and baker's rack will look perfect, in that area!

I love mixed cabinet colors. My friends thought I was crazy when I was considering doing this... but I think it's wonderful. I ended up with white cabs but if I ever do it again, I think I'll mix it up. I think it adds character and, depending how it's done, a vintage farmhouse feel.

No reason you can't have it all!

I watched a slide show of kitchen pictures (on the Finished Kitchen Blog) and eventually noticed that of my various loves, one really stood out.

i am doing the white and the gray.And I'm not even following the rules and doing the gray on the island. i have a u shaped kitchen with island, only 1 wall will be in the gray, the rest white. i worry if it will look okay, but I'm going for it. wanted something diff. from the all white.

I think many people have a couple of directions they may love. Sometimes you can mix them as stated above- other times not so much : )

My original dream:

My current inspiration photo:

This was my original hope. Well, I couldn't afford the marble. So, we went with quartz. The quartz doesn t have the luminosity that the marble had. The white uppers and the dark lowers didn't work with the quartz. So, I've sadly changed to white (ivory white) uppers and lowers. Around the bar is the dark grey (chelsea gray) since it receives more light and frankly we're dirty.

'Anyway, I think it's a beautiful kitchen. I don't know how much is lighting and what not. But, I still love it. It has dark gray bottoms and white tops.
Sigh...
Kim

Here is a link that might be useful: Gray and white love

Thanks everyone for your feedback and great advice! I am doing some of that already (shopping for both, scrapbooking/Pinterest/Houzz)so I guess I am on the right track.

I will have stainless apppliance so that is a touch of gray.

Unfortunately I don't have room for an island or a hutch.

What I do know is that I am not a huge granite fan so that narrows things down a little. LOVE marble, but probably will go with a quartz.

So this my thought process and the options I am considering:
1) Gray, maybe more like taupe or greige, cabs; white quartz counter - Misty Cararra, Torquay, Lagoon, Lyra; and a white or light bs. For example ...
(I blame Michelle16 for this one! :))

or ...

with ...

2) White cabs; gray counter - Caesartone Pebble; and ??? for bs (The gray and white lends itself nicely to pale blue - paint, bs, etc. While I like blues in my bedroom, I don't know that I want it in my kitchen, so I would need some other bs ideas)

3) White cabs; brown counter - Caesarstone Wild Rice; and ??? for bs (maybe this?)

Not sure why those last few pics came out so small. Maybe a subliminal message that gray is the way to go :)

Kim - Can you post a pic of your kitchen? Or is that yours in the link? Thanks!

Your first picture is really pretty, but there are no upper cabinets, just shelves. In the second picture, the view is towards the nice window and the upper cabinets are only seen from the side.

I'd just make sure uppers won't be too dark...or use the shelves or glass uppers, to lighten the gray and show off your display pieces :)

@lavendar_lass - Very good point! I have small u-shaped kitchen with a window on the center wall. If it's not too late, I am going to be changing the upper cabinet layout slightly and doing glass cabs next to the window. Also, I have a lot of natural light from a large window and sliding glass door in the adjoining dining/family room. This is my former kitchen ...