I can understand how it might be annoying that you know mom didn't buy the gifts and of course, the grandparents don't want mom to look bad to her children. It is sad but the kids are not going to be fooled forever. Unfortunately, you can't hide that kind of behavior from kids but you can shelter them from it if they believe their mom sent it. I don't remember how old they are but I would play along with it. I'm sure they want to believe she cares and while I don't agree with "pretending" to protect a parent that doesn't do their part, it's not on you. The grandparents have done this and you can play along like you don't know. It's not going to make the kids feel good in any way for you to point out that it's grandma's handwriting.

I know, I wouldn't tell them the truth. It just irritates me that she does nothing for her 3 kids and everyone else has to cover for her. Even this summer when the grandparents bought the kids plane tickets and kept them at their house for a few weeks the grandma took them clothes shopping. The mom had the nerve to lie and tell the kids that the plane tickets and clothes were really from her, the grandma just "loaned" her the money. Funny, how would someone without a job pay back the money? Of course, we never told the kids its a lie.

Meanwhile, back here in the real world I do have a full-time job and so does my dh. Granted I have good hours since I am a teacher, but I still have to work and I do not get to go take the kids on "shopping sprees" with someone elses money and pretend it is mine to the kids. My dh and I get stuck only being able to buy the necesseties. Most times when it comes to their clothes I either pick up items on sale, or if I do take them shopping I have to point them in the direction of the clearance racks to chose their clothes.

Being a stepparent to children whose BM is not a good mom is tough. But I would not trade them or my dh for anything!

I raised my son and daughter without even one visit from their father's. When they were younger, they asked me about why they don't see their dad's. It would have been easy to say he abandoned us and he's a jerk that never cared but the truth is, I don't know what goes on in the mind of a parent that walks away without looking back. At the time, I made weak excuses for him. I said, "maybe he has problems in his life that he needs to deal with and that it wouldn't be good to bring his problems around kids."

If you read my thread "my daughter's stepmom", my daughter is almost 18 and still has hope that her dad cares. Your Skids will always have the same hope. She may be in and out and they are going to see the things she does and form their own opinions about her. I know how tough it is when you are doing the day to day stuff and BM strolls in for the day and gets the grand parade. When I was raising my ex's children, their mom showed up once a year and they showered her with gifts they had saved up. She was basically homeless so I know those gifts were probably tossed out right away. The kids always came home with "fair toys" and you would think they were the greatest toys a kid could get. Forget the video game console that cost an arm or the bike that cost a leg. But to them, anything their mom gave them was so special because they also had that hope that it meant she cared.

The sad part is that when they grow up, they are either going to realize that their parent wasn't a very good parent or they are going to hang on to that hope and live in denial of the pain the parent caused them. In my opinion, that is what causes people to have problems with their own relationships later on in life. Some people can deal with it, others cannot.