Mom2 I'm so sorry!
Unfortunately I don't think you or the families can do anything more than what you already did/suggested. They are young and can't see the forest for the trees.

If everyone keeps pushing them to wait they will run to the altar that much quicker. I know it is so difficult but would probably advise you to just try to keep the lines of communication open with your sis and her boyfriend. You rin the risk of them feeling alienated from the families "It's us against the world!" and that wouldn't be good.

I know it's such a bad situation, like a train wreck yet you can't look away. I have to say the first thing that crossed my mind when I read the first part of your post was might she be PG again? Who's trust fund are they living off? I would gently but firmly suggest a prenup and then let them do what they will. Hopefully that will keep her protected.

On the bright side, maybe, just maybe these two kids are really madly in love and maybe they will be lucky in love. Lets hope for the best. Big hugs!! I've watched my sister drink her life away the past 15 years and it's really hard for me to know there is NOTHING I can do to stop her. Not the same thing but you kwim..

~Cat

Pushing for an early commitment or marriage is one of the signs of an abuser.

I think it is my sister pushing for the marriage, not her boyfriend. She has never really had a relationship for more than a few months with a guy. She is a bigger girl and has always had low self-esteem. With friends she latched on and wanted to hang out every day and offered to buy them things. With this relationship I feel it is the same thing. I think she is in love with him being with her, not in love with him per say. I think in her mind she needs to hold onto this relationship and that is why she put his name on her child's birth certificate even though it is not his child. And I think she wants to marry him because she thinks then he will stay and she will have this perfect little family.

I just think they are too young and immature. When they were together about a month she moved him into her place. He went home for a week and cheated on her. Then she allowed him back and they do not go anywhere seperately!! She controls him I think!!

I do not think she is pregnant right now, but I do have suspicions that she plans on getting pregnant soon and that may be why she is pushing for getting married.

The trust fund is hers, left to her in her mothers will.....would that be something he could take part of if they divorced??

And I am taking the advice of not alienatng them and giving them the "us against the world mentality." I know his family all expressed that they want them to wait too. I told my dad that if someone is going to keep trying to persuade her to wait it could be him because I am going to be the supportive big sister. I did have a calm talk with her asking her if she was sure she was ready to get married and discussing my experience of being engaged at 21 and how calling off the engagement was the best decision I ever made and getting married at that time to that guy would have been the worst mistake of my life. She insists they are ready for marriage. So now I am helping her with wedding planning. I am going to try to make it as enjoyable as possible for her because this should be a fun experience. Meanwhile I will keep my fingers crossed that they either call this off or that their marriage really works!

Of course you think she's the one pushing for marriage;
she herself thinks she's the one pushing for marriage.

The "outside world" (you, her friends, her family, her co-workers, anybody to whom she's close at all) almost *always* thinks that the person being manipulated is the crazy one who's behind all the irrational behavior, & the person being manipulated almost always thinks the "outside world" is just being mean.

I'm so sorry.

It seems likely that the trust fund is absolutely a big draw for this guy. Who wouldn't want to live off someone elses money and get a college education to boot?! Every state has different laws about trust funds. Generally, if the trusts are already established, and handled by a third party, they are safe from the spouse taking any money in a divorce. Very important to find out the laws in your state about trust funds. (Possibly pre-nup for protection?)

Mom2 - Have you ever sat down with this guy and had long discussions with him? Maybe that would give you a good measure for where he sees himself in the future and if your sister is in that future. I would come straight out and ask him some hardball questions about their relationship.

I would fully expect sis to try to get pregnant again. She wouldn't mention it if she weren't seriously thinking about it. Sis is way young and living in la-la land. You know it, and it's got to be hard for you to sit and watch. I'll pray for the best for them!

good catch, poppingrays!

Trust fund went completely over my head.