(((((Morninglite)))))

"I have no illusions about how my step kids feel about me. I am unimportant and they are more or less indifferent toward me. I do not blame them most of the time and I do not expect what they cannot give "

I'm right there with ya. Wish DH would not be insistant we spend a afternoon together pretending to be a happy family. I'm just really not feeling it, neither are the Skids, why does he insist?

Just want to get through it. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and while it's a bummer at least we know we are not alone, so lets all send out some loving holiday vibes to each other that we can get through and enjoy what we can.

~Cat

hugs to you. all you can do is quietly say serenity prayer to yourself while sitting at the holiday table. it will get you through.

I know what you mean. I had people making anti-semitic jokes and comments in my presence, especially since I do not look Jewish. when I point out that it is inappropriate plus i am Jewish, they say: oh you are different. ha.

and I had people making homophobic statements and I have gay daughter and people know that. so bigotted statements are part of my life. you can't kick people out but you can say that these statements are not appropriate, smile and say serenity prayer to yourself. These people don't know any better, it is ignorance, nothing else.

as about favorite memories, share yours that do not include their family, like your memories growing up or your friends before you've met their dad. I do not suggest that but the funniest one is to share good memories of your time wiht exboyfriend whom you knew before you met their father. LOL it wouldn't be appropriate but it sure would shut them up. haha

Just smile plesantly and let them do their stupid talks. They don't know any better...Hugs and happy holidays to you. sorry about miscarriage.

"share yours that do not include their family, like your memories growing up or your friends before you've met their dad. I do not suggest that but the funniest one is to share good memories of your time wiht exboyfriend whom you knew before you met their father."

ROFL! must try this!

Morninglite, don't let them ruin your Holiday whatever you do. Have big glass of wine & I will too, well get through it somehow, God help us.

~Cat

It's a husband problem. HE needs to make his family (his kids and his parents) treat you with respect and it is disrespectful for him to carry on along with them if he knows it is upsetting to you. If you haven't told him how you feel, that would be the first step. If you have told him how you feel, and if he refuses to respect your feelings, then I would make alternate plans for dinner... I would refuse to spend an evening where I felt nobody liked me or respected me.

what Ima said.

& I thought of something, just this very week, to say to people who say obnoxious things in front of me:

"I am not redneck white trash;
it is not okay to talk in front of me as though I am."

When I hit "submit", I realized that I hadn't said how sorry I am about your miscarriage.

Please show your husband Ima's post, but above all else, take care of *yourself*.

If the atmosphere becomes burdensome, get up & go to a movie.

(((morninglight))) so sorry for your miscarraige. I'm with Ima and Sylvia, it's a husband problem on the culturally insensitive remarks.

I hope you got through Christmas Eve intact. My adult skids have decided to gather tomorrow, the day after Christmas. A few things have happened which I've already posted about and I am not sure that I will attend the gathering. I know just how you feel.

Thanks to all for your support and suggestions!

We did in fact get through. I have spoken with my husband about the bigotry of his mom and step dad. He did not need me to tell him as he has dealt with it all his life. They moved into a retirement/assisted living situation about 18 months ago and I think this year they really appreciated being in our home with family. We are the only members of husband's family that go out of our way to include them in any special way in the holidays. My husband diverted the only conversation that was headed toward the inevitable ignorant comment, so we felt pretty lucky.

As far as the kids were concerned (18 year old girl, 22 year old boy,) that went okay too. My step daughter actually seemed to like the presents we bought - first time in 8 years - not just the money we gave her. They bought us a gift that actually suggests she was listening at one of her Sunday visits (husband's son has been in IL for his first semester away from home at school, so he did not even hear us talk about wanting to go to the NCAA women's playoff round taking place near us this year.) They got us tickets! The gift and the day were moments that meant something to me, so I am thankful.

The sadness of losing the pregnancy made Christmas day difficult. Husband and I usually spend it alone. That has always been a good thing for me and an ambivalent thing for him as he no longer goes to his sister's big family/friend affair on Christmas day.

This is never what I thought family was supposed to be. My upbringing was full of family, but I am no longer close to most of them and the few I am close to are many states away from me.

But I am all about not letting the moments of my life pass without notice now - the good and the not so good - because the moments pass and you never get them back. I am trying to value my life, and the people in it, to every extent I can. Thanks.

Morning,
I'm so glad it went better than expected, that's very good. I am so sorry about your miscarriage, I should have mentioned that before.

Nive that your SD remembered something n particular you and Dh wanted to do together. Very thoughtful gift.
~Cat