Pants wars sigh

17 years ago

Bah.

This fall we've bought 5 pairs of jeans/pants for A__.

The past 3 times he's come to us, he's been wearing torn jeans or badly stained pants.

The first 2 times we sent him back in nice pants and chucked the torn ones. This time I've had enough, so I patched the worn out knees with fleece and will be sending him back in those.

I'm annoyed. Thank you for the vent.

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Comments (9)

lamom
17 years ago
ceph,

How old is A__? My SS29 has two kids, 8 and 2. He and his girlfriend/babymama are notorious for sending the kids, in particular SGS8, in torn or inappropriate clothes to visit DH and me and their aunt, SD35. They usually go home with new clothes, shoes, socks, even underwear. The old clothes are washed. SGS8 is often sent with socks and underwear that are unclean. I have thrown out some of those.

It's a transparent ploy for new stuff at your expense, see it as such. If you want to buy new clothes ok, patch the clothes you've already bought ok, or send A__ back in the condition he arrived which is the best idea. It's not the kids fault but it's also not yours. A few returns with the clothes that came on the kids back will send a message.
imamommy
17 years ago
Ceph, been there done that! At one time, I had the philosophy that eventually, BM would run out of raggedy clothes and SD would only have nice outfits. Then I found out all the raggedy clothes were SD's older sister's hand me downs & BM was keeping all the new clothes I sent SD in and returned her in junk. Frustrating, I know. I hate sending her back in torn, ill fitting clothes. I don't know how a mom could feel good about sending her in those us, but she apparently has no regard about it.

I tried patching one pair. I bought a cute applique to cover a hole & BM ripped it off and accused us of sending her in torn up junkie clothes. Now, I send her in exactly what she came in... right down to the same socks.
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organic_maria
17 years ago
Yup i know how that it...bm does the same thing. Keeps all the nice clothes and sends the kids with the torn hand me downs. My Dh wants to chuck my ss ole gloves out..they're really bad..i said no, just let him wear them. If someoen asks, that is how bm dresses them..toobad.
i gave up a few years ago too.
Just send them back the same way...
ceph
Original Author
17 years ago
I would just send him back with torn jeans this time... but it's -30 today (feels like -44 with the windchill) and I refuse to allow a child in my care to have exposed skin in that weather.

Oh well.
BM's not so bad overall, so grin and bear it :)
imamommy
17 years ago
can you stitch it up or put a patch on it? I agree, I wouldn't want to send a child, any child, out in something that didn't fit, had holes or was weather inappropriate. How can a mother do that? I will never understand that I guess.

Honestly, I'd call her (or your DH can) and tell her 'the pants you sent A___ in are torn and it's awfully cold & I'd hate him to have exposed skin in this weather. Would you mind bringing him some warm clothes by to wear home?' but that only works if she is picking him up. What kind of mother would say no? lol, maybe I live in a fantasy world but I'm sure there are some that would say no I guess.
sminnj
17 years ago
We send my DH's daughter back in exactly what she came in. lol. Funny thing happened....she started coming to us in the nice clothes she had already worn home in the past. I guess BM didn't get the result she wanted from sending DD to us in ill fitting, mismatched, dirty clothes. She likes to see how far she can push to start an argument. Plus her sytle is VERY different then ours. I also think all of us would like to see her wearing the clothes we bought and paid for that we think are cute or stylish. I wouldnt send her home in our best outfits and maybe BM isnt sending her to us in her best outfits just for the same reason.
helpwiththis
17 years ago
I agree that whenever possible you should just send the child back with the same clothes they wore to your home. Sometimes right down the socks and undies!

When sd does see bm I wash the clothes bm sent her back in if they are not ours. The next time she sees bm she goes back in those same clothes--if they still fit. Otherwise I send her in her play clothes. They are usually just worn out hand me downs or thrift store specials and are things I am not as mad about when they do not come back.

In your sitaution I think I would have done what you did and patch him up. Then he is warm and your not out more clothes.
doodleboo
17 years ago
You did the right thing Ceph. Might I add that you are so so so nice because I would of probably made some comment about it being cold outside and appropriate clothing is in order. I'm a little vocal when it comes to things like that:) Snaps to Ceph!
gajopa
17 years ago
Opinion from a Granny here, and I really can't remember this happening when my DS was going back and forth but it could have. Since A's BM is a fairly decent person why not just politely ask her if she would send him in warmer/nicer clothes and you will see that she gets them back, that you & DH don't like him wearing torn clothing but you can't keep replacing them everytime. That should let her know you're on to her game. If she's a reasonable person I don't see how she could refuse that nice request. I don't think it would work with some of the others that post about this since they have BM's that don't give a crap but A's doesn't sound too vindictive.

Pants wars sigh

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