I think it depends on the closeness of the grandparents with the step-child. If she is treated like a grandaughter she should be included. My grandfather is actually my moms step-dad. We are in his will equal to his son, he sees us more, we do more with him and he has always loved us equally, including me as a daughter more than a grand daughter. My step-dad has life insurance equally leaving half to me and half to his real daughter since again he and I were closer than they were, I see him more and have always called him more but he has always treated us equally as his own kids. I would have been hurt if he left me out, Not at the monetary aspect but at the fact that seems like he loved her more yet at the same time treated me as his own child for all these years. I have no kids but 2 steps, One I see and one I havent seen since age 4 and they are both on my life insurance. I figure If I did see the one she would have been included anyways and the other I am fairly close with and I also know they would need it for education since their mothers dont save.

Its their money, they have a right to leave it to anyone they choose.

Inheritances are typically left to blood relatives. In most families, it is left to the children. Why is the grandchild issue even coming up?

I'm going to venture a guess that your parents are making separate bequests to the grandchildren & don't want your SD to feel left out. If they feel like she's one of their own, they should treat her accordingly. It's their money & their business.

My will is set up to make sure that property that came from my family will go to our daughter or back to my family. My husband's will leaves cash bequests to his children from his first marriage in his will.

I think they should talk to the attorney drafting their wills to get his opinion on how to handle this & then go with what their hearts tell them.

First of all, I'm aware that it's their business and their money -- I wasn't so much looking for advice, but how you all handle the situation. My parents have spoken to their attorney, as well as the financial planners. I believe that they would bequeath something to my stepdaughter more for my benefit than hers. I've told them that there might be some trinkets around the house that she might like, say like perhaps a Lladro figurine, but that when it comes to splitting up the financial assets and establishing trust funds for the children, that it is not necessary to include her in the mix. My stepdaughter, it seems, is simply killing time with me and my family, and I am of the opinion that in a matter of time, she will be back living with biomom in another state, and I don't feel that a legally binding document should include my stepdaughter. I don't think my stepdaughter would appreciate anything coming from my parents as a gift from my parents. I think she'd see it as money to be flitted away between her and her mother. I also don't want any resentment from all my nieces and nephews regarding my stepdaughter. I believe that if their feelings change then the will can be altered at a later date. Maybe in 6 or 7 years when we can determine whether or not she'll actually still be a part of our lives. I just don't want my parents struggling over this decision so that MY feelings won't be hurt. They've done a brilliant job in treating her like a "real grandchild". I'd just assume they spend all their money before they die and they wouldn't have to think about this at all.

If you dont agree you can mention it to your parents how you feel but dont arguee the point, it is still their choice but at the same time if your are calm and simply discussing the point noone should be upset. Dont forget wills can be changed at anytime so if 6 or 7 years from now your parents feel differently they can take her out of it. Also it can be set up as a trust with guidelines. My great-grandparents left me almost as much as my grandmother, it stated to be used for health, benefit, welfare and education. My grandmother had control of that until I was 25 and she would approved what was needed. It helped me with car insurance, college, books, and the downpayment on my first house. At age 25 I only had $1000 left anyways but had I had it sooner it would have been gone but with grandmothers control it was used effectively and not blown.

I would be more cautious about the "trinkets" that you have pointed out that she (SD) might want, I think people get more upset about family heirlooms being passed outside of the family then money being left to someone.

Hmmm. If your parents have been seeking your advice (either directly or indirectly), then you should be thinking about this. Otherwise, let it go. Exactly how well off are your parents? If your talking a $100,000 total inheritance split among 8 grandkids, then splitting that among 9 grandkids will not make that much of a difference. Or if you're thinking this child, through divorce and remarriage, has four sets of grandparents rather than the usual two and therefore may not "need" the money as much as the others, that's a different story. You may also want to wonder why this concerns you. In any case inheritances are usually first passed on to the kids, not the grandkids. But if your parents have always considered your stepchild a grandkid, then she is a grandkid--and should be treated as such. In any case, as they say, where there's a will, there's a war. Watch out that this doesn't turn into that for the sake of a few thousand bucks.

I think your parents sound like very nice people. Why are you so adament that your SD shouldn't be included? I think you should leave the decision up to them. You said in your post that you "believe she will also be further away from me" when your parents pass away. If she's only ten now, how can you be so sure of that? And what difference does it make if she's not close to you? What matters is how your parents feel about her. Besides, as stated before, wills can be changed. They should write the will as if they might die today.

Bless your parents dear hearts for even considering her. They should do what is in their heart and not worry about anyone else. They've done ok so far by following their instincts. Their decision. Stay out of it.

Wow....I have seen so many things here about step grandparents not treating the child as an equal.. Your parents sound like they are doing a wonderful job and they see your SD and their grandchild not Step grandchild.. God bless them....Feel very very lucky to have such wonderful parents...

thanks for all the advice, and yes, I count my blessings every day. What I guess I failed to get through is that they appear to be including her more for MY benefit than hers. They don't want ME to be hurt if she is/is not included. Just fishing for your thoughts, and I appreciate your offerings.

I have never been in this situation before, but as a person that was adopted, I can tell you how much it hurts to be left out for any reason. My Grandmother passed on Feb 2000, and her will staed tht "I have no grandchildren. There is one grown child adpted by my son, in 1971 and I make no provisions for her or her descendants, for that reason". I my have been grown, 30 actually, but it still hurt like heck to know that the woman I had called Mom-Maw for 29 years did not care a thing about me. You do not want to have your step daughter put in hat situation no matter what your feelings are for each other. She may have a better realtionship your parents than you think and you would not want to do anyting to discourage that.

Thik about this whole situation before you and your parents decide anything.

I believe this to be a very difficult situation. It is probably best to allow your parents to do what they feel most comfortable doing. I have 2 children of my own and my husband has 3 of his own. We all live together in a blended family. My mother is living and treats my step children quite well and my husband's parents do the same.
I know my mother has made provisions in her will for my children, this has been done for quite sometime. I don't believe that she will provide for my step-children. I don't expect her to, nor does my husband. I certainly don't expect it from my in-laws.
I have a profit & pension plan from before I remarried(a good lump sum), this money will go to my children only. My husband had done the same.
Going forward in our new life my husband and I have made provisions for each other and we each have made them for our own children.
I see nothing wrong or cold-hearted about this. I don't treat my step children any differntly than my own, I do provide the day-to day financial needs for them, I beliewe it it the responsibility of their birth parents to leave them money if they want. I am a very caring stepmom, who has changed my whole entire life to care for these children, and after I am gone I hope this is what they remember and not how much money I did or did not leave to them. If I raised them right it shouldn't matter. Although I am sure the biomom will point out that I did not leave them money. So it will be a no win situation and anyway I'll be gone.

From my understanding of "Wills" and Blood reletives ... Any who is a blood Reletive or Is mentioned in the will can contest the will. My Step Father and My mother wanted to include My Step Father's two step children in their "Will", but were concerned about them want a bigger piece of the pie then "Willed" to them. So What they did ... My step Father Opened a life insurance policy with them as a benifactor, So they will get money outside the estate and could not contest the estate. The momey in the estate is what is used to contest the estate and could in thorey, all be spent on the legeal fees if contested and then no-one will get any money.

If your husband's Ex vandictives. Would she try and contest the estate in her children's name just to play game?

BettyL good idea.