Christmas approaching and no calls or plans

15 years ago

Christmas is only a few days away and no call from bm about seeing the kids. Thanksgiving came and went with no call from her as well. Last week my middle sd had her first orchestra concert. She told her mom about it and called the night before to see if she was coming. BM said yes but she would have to call back the following day for directions. BM never called back. She did see the kids overnight one night last weekend. The kids even brought the flu home with them and it ripped through our home all week. We are all done with it finally!

I just do not understand this lady and her uninvolvement with the kids is all. It makes me sad and mad all at the same time. I know I should be used to this by now, but it just bothers me each time.

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Comments (4)

coastalmom
15 years ago
I can see that you really care about these kids, they are lucky to have you. I always struggled with the crazy mistake I made in choosing the father of my children,he has not made it easy on them. I had to let it go, trust them to handle their relationship with their father and just support them the best I could. She is their mom and we do not choose our parents.

One thing that has worked with me it called radical acceptance. It is not accepting that her behaviour is acceptable, because it isn't. It is just accepting that the way it is, is the way it is. When you stop fighting against accepting reality there is some comfort in that. It is amazing how calming something so simple can be to the mind.
believer
15 years ago
Mom2emall....How does one get used to a parent not caring about their children? I think that in time you will just come to not expect it. I kept telling my X that love was a verb, an action word. He never got it and now the kids don't see him. It has been over 3 years for my DS.

My kids were not invited to their Dad's wedding. They have called on Father's day to see if they could spend the day with him and have been told no. X and wife never put up a Christmas tree. They had a room for the kids for about a year and then turned it into an exercise room. They stopped overnight visits years ago. I have been stood up at meetings for DS at school to discuss his learning disability. DS has waited for dad to come to baseball games and he never showed.

I told him once that I could not understand why I had to fight for him to give to his children what I gave my SD ( his from 1st marriage ) willingly.

You never understand it. You just resign yourself to it and hope that the kids will give up on her actually. Mine did. It made it so much easier for them. We just went on with our lives.

I understand the hurt that your step kids are going through. I saw it with my SD while her BM treated her the same way as your skids BM does. I have seen it with my own children. It is heart breaking. What you can do is make your own traditions and memories and make sure that they know the joy of your love for them. It sounds like you do that and bless you for loving them so. You can do your best to put the pieces back together again with the love that you have for them. That is what will stay with them and hold them together through the sorrow that their mom brings into their lives. If you can let go of the anger towards her you will be able to move forward. I know how difficult it is. I am sorry for the kids.
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mom2emall
Original Author
15 years ago
Thanks for letting me vent and understanding. BM still has not called. But she did not call on Thanksgiving either and made no plans to see the kids for that holiday. Its like she has her little family with bf and barely thinks of my skids.
fiveinall
15 years ago
she probably wont call.....seeing the kids on Christmas would mean she'd need to buy them gifts!!!
- and who wants to do that when there are so many onther things we can spend our money on! he he
(I'm being sarcastic!)Merry Christmas and enjoy your kiddos!!

Christmas approaching and no calls or plans

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coastalmom

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Christmas approaching and no calls or plans

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coastalmom

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fiveinall

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