Scott, Seems to me that you were asking about sources for restoring period-style garden layouts and the plants that were used in the "good old days". Gardening was completely different in the old days. It was a time of pre-air conditioning, so the garden was not just a thing a beauty, it was a cool respite in the hot summer. A place to entertain and relax in the shade and even sleep on "sultry summer nights". The fragrances lifted your spirit and the beauty made it all worthwhile. For the weathy, their were competitions for the best roses and garden tours so you could show off a bit. Lady's had "Teas" in the garden. It was a favorite place to read a book or write letters. Children played in the garden, making up stories and acting them out. Bees were kept for honey. The new version of cottage gardening does not much resemble the old style of by-gone eras. The old gardening methods, styles, designs, flower and shrubs selections, and purposes for gardens have been lost for the most part. You can find some newer books written by people who sought out the old gardening ways. I have found a great many good books in England and Ireland, as many of the old practices are still carried out there. A good source for ideas for designing old Southern gardens, paths, ornaments, "reflecting pools", potting sheds, with descriptions of the types of plants, trees and flowers that were grown in the old days would be in old Southern garden books and even illustrated books of historical fiction. I'm talking old books. Used book stores, second-hand stores and garage sales, and eBay (if you known what you want) are great places to get old books - my favorite places to shop! I have found lots of great books at those places, esp. garage sales. I love the old books and periodicals (published 1930s and earlier). What beauty! What charm! Anyway, it's an idea. Hope this helps. ~SweetAnnie4u

It was a stupid mistake (being pregnant) I made in thinking I was still in love with him. He was my first love in college and was a jerk to me back then. It got to the point I was devasted and committed suicide because of him at one time. Eventually, I woke up and broke up with the guy. His mother and him then begged me to get back to him. I did eventually (my 2nd mistake-the first was falling for him). I then moved back to my state after college. He left his parents and came to live with me in my state when I becamse successful in business. I owned 2 houses and lived in a decent house with my parents then. He was very nice to me and my parents then and promised to treasure our love. He seemed like a hard-working person so I thought he had changed....until one day I accidently got pregnant with his baby and to my disappointment, sensed his irresponsible side of being human. He didn't seem so happy knowing he had created a baby. We decided to get married in 4 months of the pregnancy. That is when he called his parents and asked them to attend our wedding. Since their son left them for me, his parents were furious. They bad-mouthed about my parents with the intention of tearing us apart. The result was the man insulted me even before the wedding. I did not believe in abortion and I didn't want my son to live without a father so I went through the wedding in bitterness (my 3rd mistake). His parents came to the wedding with their empty hands (very rude in our culture) and insulted my family and I right at the ceremony. The first time in my life I cried for my parents. I was their bad seed because I'd put shame on them. Because of what his parents did, my husband first realized he couldn't even trust his parents...but then who could divorce their parents? He agained listened to his parents and our marriage just got worse and worse. My husband would call me names, fights broke out between us, he repeatedly threatened divorce, eventually spent the nights out and did not help me with the baby nor household chores. My in-laws live out-of-state, treat my baby like a toy, but wants no part in caring for him. On the contrary, my husband had to make mortgage and utility payments for them every month, no matter what financial hardship we were in. My 72-year-old mother resented my husband (he listened to his parents and wanted to kick my parents out of my own house which I planned to purchase for them - my parents ended up leaving) but had no choice but to love her daughter (me) and babysit my son since he was 2 months. My career went downhill so I had no money for daycare. With repeated threatens of divorce, I one day fulfilled his wish: I filed the divorce. Marge-the work that I do is very flexible so it is not an issue. I make the call for whether I want to work or not. Right now I always make time for my son in the afternoon...stopping by grandma's place to bathe him, feed him, and tug him in for a nap. Both my parents are very supportive of me in terms of caring for my son. It broke my heart to see my mom in the emergency room and still thinking about what my son has to eat with every meal she had. I just got my baby's medical record today showing how involved I have been with my baby and how little his medical record mentioned of his father. I talked to a few attorneys already and they said I should have no trouble getting full physical custody for my case. It's been very stressful for me everytimes I think of my son not being well cared for if he was to spend weekends with his dad. I mean I've known my husband looking up porns on my laptop right next to my son when he was 2 months old when I had to go do grocery shopping....and many other things... How can my mind be at peace when thinking of how my husband had treated me and his own child? We had another fight again tonight because he said the "F" word to me. I emailed him and told him to leave within 1 week because I cannot tolerate it anymore and I do feel unsafe being around him. ...just want to break down and cry but I know I need to be strong to care for my child...

I am not the judgmental type, and I really believe you never know the reasons for someone else's decisions until you walk in their shoes (if you ever even can). I also do not consider myself terribly naive. But I have wondered time and again why my BF's EX did what she did. By that I mean, have an affair, decide to leave her husband after getting a new mortgage and breastfeeding second daughter, ransack the house while BF was at work and leave a mess in front of her daughters, use BF's inheritance money to move them several states away, secretly remarry, and buy and subsequently have to sell several houses and have the kids change schools because she and new hubby did not plan their budget well. I have wondered to the point where it is unreasonable of me - some things do not and should not make sense. Her actions are, of course, more of a function of her personality and whatever she felt the situation was than the fact she is a bio-mom or whatever other role she may fall into. If someone has a history of displaying weak, selfish behavior, the same can be expected in the future. Even if she despised her husband, anyone who knows him could see what a devoted, capable and attentive father he is. It is really a shame to have moved so far away for the convenience of having built-in babysitters in the form of relatives. I am always shocked to hear when her plans for bringing them north every other month (per court order) inevitably "don't work out" that she tells them, "I don't know why you can't see your dad - ask him to explain." Whenever I enter into an agreement with someone, if I am compelled to leave it I do so with dignity and respect for all involved. The saddest thing was when his older daughter at the age of 8 said to us, "Mom said she left you so that she could finally be happy in life. But she still doesn't seem happy to me." Kids should not be burdened with worrying about these things. I am a child of divorce and I remember the pain well.

Sylvia is so right. My father passed away about three years ago, and one of the many good deeds he did during his lifetime was to organize his financial affairs prior to his death. It made things so much easier for the survivors and is an act we remember with deep gratitude. One thing in particular was helpful, and that was going through his old papers and throwing out papers that looked like they might be important but actually weren't --accounts that had been closed, life insurance policies that were no longer in effect, so many odds and ends. But today - much to my own relief - I spent the afternoon in a lawyer's office doing exactly that -- for my husband and me and for my mother who has terminal cancer. I will be the executor of her estate, and we went over many different possibilities with the attorney. What would happen if: - her mother (my 100+ y.o. grandmother) goes first, in which case my mother would inherit (though probably not receive due to timing issues) a substantial amount; - my brother, sister or I go first (parent's share put into trust for grandchildren); - if the default secondary beneficiaries on one or more of her accounts are something different than what she wants (I will have POA to change beneficiaries, with fiduciary duty to siblings); - end of life issues - refusing or removing feeding tubes and hydration (copy of Medical POA to siblings so they see her written wishes). And after we wrapped up Mom's work, we started in on my husband's and my estate. Between us we have two adult kids (his), one soon-to-be-in-college (mine), and one young child with a disability (ours). We're also writing sweetheart wills with specific provisions for our individual children with the understanding that the bulk of our assets need to be available to the surviving spouse and our joint disabled child. Our state's default provisions could also force me to sell our home, which we can't let happen. It was actually a bit of a relief to have all the papers drawn up and signed -- though the point about if being very hard for men turned out to be very, very true. It was like pulling teeth to get Hubby to stipulate a cash amount that he wanted to leave his two children. At least my son's college fund is (and always has been) a separate account. Folks - take the time to get this done. You just never know...