it's irritating

16 years ago

I'm just venting a little.

My SD has been visiting BM since Friday and she comes home on Sunday. DH has tried to call and talk to her a few times but BM won't answer her phone or have SD return any of the calls. He sent her a "Happy Thanksgiving" comment on BM's myspace (to SD) but she deleted it.

Then, BM calls today while we are out shopping. She wants DH to tell her what size (motorcycle) pants SD wears. She's promised SD a quad for Christmas. It's just ridiculous to me that she has her daughter with her and she can't take her to try them on herself.

This isn't the first time she's done this and I don't get it. She called about a month ago to say she's getting married in December and wants SD to be in her wedding. She asked what size SD's dress was, when she was in our wedding. The wedding was over a year ago so I'm sure she isn't the same size. Not to mention, I had to have alterations on it. and before that, she called up when she had SD with her, to ask what size shoes she wears. Every time she's called, she has SD with her and can take her to get measured if she wanted to. She either just wants a reason to call DH or she's wanting us to know what she's doing. It's just annoying and maybe that's her goal. But it also makes her look like a lazy mom that doesn't know how to figure out what size clothes her daughter wears.

Then, she ends the call without letting him talk to his daughter.

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Comments (7)

mom2emall
16 years ago
I know it can be irritating when the OP does not allow phone calls between child and bio parent. When my skids went to visit their mom for a few weeks this summer she did not have the kids return our calls when we left messages. A few times we talked to her and said kids were out with relatives and she would have them call us...but she never did. We e-mailed them and the e-mails were checked by someone, but never returned! I just realized that she was trying to preserve the little time she had with them since she rarely sees them. While it was annoying there was nothing we could do. Did I think about not relaying messages when they returned and she would call? Yes, but I decided to take the high road.

As far as the size thing....that is just wierd! Can't she just bring her daughter to go try on the clothes? OR just look at clothes she brought with?

My advice....there are better battles to fight. Just realize that she is a few fries short of a happy meal and go on with your day :)
imamommy
Original Author
16 years ago
Yeah, we've already accepted that she's not going to change. It's just irritating that she calls him for a stupid thing like that (and that's been my opinion, that she CAN take her daughter to try on clothes, but she'd rather call him instead). She doesn't call her daughter at all during the week, even when her daughter calls and leaves her messages. Then she sends my DH emails telling him that she's left several messages and that he'd better have her call. She's playing mind games and the only one that is suffering in this, is her own daughter. We already know she isn't going to change and for the most part, we ignore her actions.

I just wanted to vent because there is NO WAY I'm going to let HER know that she's annoying us. I think that's what she really wants and if she knows it bothers me, she'd probably do it more often. I just hate to see her daughter suffer and I'm the one paying for the counseling.
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imamommy
Original Author
16 years ago
and It's also frustrating that she lies to her daughter. She has promised her a quad for Christmas when she doesn't work and her only income is child support she gets for her other daughter. (she doesn't pay us child support) and she's told her daughter she's going to get married to this new guy next month, yet she still hasn't finalized her divorce from husband #1, which has been filed 11 years ago but hasn't been finalized. She's a pathological liar and that's another reason her daughter requires the counseling that I'm having to pay for.
theotherside
16 years ago
What the heck is a quad? Obviously not one of a set of quadruplets or a college room with 4 roommates. My kids didn't know, either. Is it another word for an ATV?
imamommy
Original Author
16 years ago
Yes, it's an ATV with four wheels instead of three.
cawfecup
16 years ago
Its a way of initiating contact just to talk to someone ...

In our situation BM called 5 times during the week to ask what time to drop off the kids thanksgiving day she was told repeatedly 3pm would be good ... on TD called again at 11 am asking if she could keep them later hubby said yes whatever time you want to drop them off is fine we will be here. at 1 pm called saying dinner wouldn't be ready until 3 would it be ok if she kept them utnil 4pm. Hubby said whatever time as long as they eat (we went out for dinner)....BM's sister called at 3 pm to ask if the children could stay later because extended family was coming over ... he repeated to the sister ... I already told BM that I was home and whatever time she dropped them off was fine. At 4:20 PM the children walked through the door ... giving hubby grief because they couldn't stay at aunties house to visit with the extended relatives who weren't coming until 5 pm. I told your mother it was ok ... guessing your mom didn't want to visit with the relatives. The attitudes went away.
imamommy
Original Author
16 years ago
yep, that sounds like her too. It's actually better now that she moved away with her new boyfriend but she used to call DH at least once a day, sometimes two or three (or more) and she lived about half mile from his work and would just "drop in and hang out". (he works at a dealership & she would hang out in his (parts) department when she took her car in for service.)

it's irritating

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it's irritating

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