If you've already told her, and she chooses to ignore you, I dont think there is much you can do. It sounds like she has issues. I doubt you can get your Dad to deal with her -- it sounds like she has her own reality. I can see how it is frustating.

maybe its time to be politely harsh... (that is if you havent already done so) Something along the lines of

"I know you are having a hard time and my goal is not to unneccesarily hurt you but in no uncertain terms are you my mother. You never acted as a mother and I have never considered you my mother. I had a mother and her name was ___" Do not refer to me as one of your children. Do not call yourself my mother. I think I remember you have a sister whom she is BM so I would probably throw in something along the lines of ... I love my sister and I hope you wont let this get in the way of our relationship but do not ever do this again.

And if it still continues and it might ... ignore and move on ... you can stand up for yourself but you cant change people.

and this should definately be in person.

I think you should let it go. Why does it matter so much? I raised my ex's 3 kids and will always think of them as my kids. They may not think of me that way, but it's how I feel. They are entitled to feel the way they feel.. to think of me as a mom or not. We all own our own feelings.

If she is only doing it for whatever attention she gets from it, there is really nothing you can do about that. I agree with kkny, you've told her how you feel & if she ignores it, there really isn't anything you can do about that. She may have issues or she may wish you felt differently toward her, either way... you can't control what someone else does. You can only control how you react to it.

I was thinking you should use serenity's SM's comments

I am the best thing that every happened to you

My mom would have never let herself go like you did.

You raised me? well give me ten (folded hands) and lift me up to the shelf in the closet so I can get _______

Ask her how many of her stretch marks are from you??

Sorry is that too bitter?

LOL Pseudo!!!!! Love it :)

KKNY, you're probably right. My dad will say nothing to her about it and she does have her own reality. Part of her mental issues, but she has come a long way but I'm not sure long enough to have this conversation.

Mom of 4 I sure wish I could say that to her. But you brought up a very good point, she will use my sister if she makes this a battle.

Imamommy, I think it is a pretty healthy response and normal to clarify relationship boundaries. It matters because she didn't raise me and was in fact pretty abusive. I raised myself in spite of her. There are a lot of things I let go, but this is one of them that clearly illustrates our problems. She insists on something that is not real and that hurts and bothers someone else.

UGH! It is IMPOSSIBLE to deal reasonably with people who create their own reality. The girls mom is semi like that as well. She is STILL convinced I stole Jonathan from her even though they had been divorced for MONTHS before I even knew who he was let alone got involved with him.

I know first hand how frustrating delusional people can be. Like KKNY said there isn't really a whole lot you can too short of following her around and correcting her all the time. Just know you are not alone. Too bad these people don't have mute buttons.......

Nivea,

Like you, I am pretty afraid of confrontation with Dad/SM because it hasn't tended to go too well for me (and you have even more reason to avoid it, because they actually hurt you physically)... So what I'm about to say you probably won't do (just as I wouldn't), but wouldn't it be great if we could? That would be to call her bluff with this "Mom" thing and start TREATING HER AS ONE WOULD A MOM. That means everything from calling her up numerous times and insisting she go to a doctor because you're so worried about such-and-such health issue of hers; calling her up and telling her all your man/work/money/kid problems; asking her to help you decorate your place (and helping her decorate HER place!!!); frequently giving her a bunch of cute pix of you from when you were a little girl (and when she was such a b----h to you) and reminiscing with her about when you lost your first tooth and had your period; etc. etc. etc. (because, after all, a MOM loves nothing more than reminders of her dearest child); being honest with her if her hairstyle is wrong for her; all the way up to and including having a Very Serious Discussion with her about what happens when she dies and whether she (as 'Mom') will name you (as 'Daughter') an heir and executor in her will and when she will be giving you Durable Power of Attorney to manage her affairs.

That ought to shut her up.

If only you or I (or those with similar damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't situations) could get up the nerve.

Nivea - What a frustrating situation! I know it bothers you. I know you'd LOVE to say something about it, but it would only make you feel better temporarily. The thing is this.....anyone who matters would know the true circumstances and are probably just indulging her to keep the peace. Anyone who she tells probably doesn't matter anyway. I would say to just blow it off as the rantings of a mad woman. Most everyone else probably does.

I think I disagree with everyone that it's not worth saying anything. She *did* stop, or at least get better, when you talked to her before, if I understand? So the potential for her to listen is there. If so, I think it's worth it to say something, and to do so nicely, and you might get some improvement again. I'm not sure what to say, though. Maybe something along the lines you know this bothers me, and I realize you don't understand why, but could you just humor me with it. And maybe make sure to mention that you'd noticed and appreciated how much better she'd been for while? This is assuming she is a (normal) person who responds better to niceness, not someone who has be yelled at before they even start to pay attention... What did you say before that helped?

After reading Quirk's comment......I agree. Maybe you can just tell her the same way you told her before. If she took it well before, she may take it well again.

LOL Serenity, I have no idea how'd she would react if I did that. Probably have a heart attack, hahaha.

Quirk and Ashley, that's the thing the conversation before happened by accident and the more I remembered it I think I was pretty aggressive without realizing it. Niceness in her book is doing what she wants or agreeing with her opinion. Anything less is not nice and mean to her.

Doodleboo, I feel your pain. Trying to work with someone who lives in a completely different reality is a huge headache that doesn't go away. A couple of months ago when SM was ranting about my father to me, she actually stated "I just have to come to terms that everyone lives in a different reality than me, they are never going to understand." I'm still not sure if that statement was a sign of hope about her mental issues, like she is finally becoming self aware or if it is diving her further back into them. Who knows?