I read about your SM in Thurman's post about his father. I also want to extend my sympathy to you at this time. It's never easy, but at least she's in a better place.
Oh Ima, I'm so sorry. I know what an important person she was to you and the lasting impression she has made. Hugs to you and your dad - hang in there.
I am so sorry. It is amazing to me at how calloused people can be. You are right in knowing that the kids will have to live with what their actions. You did a very loving and unselfish thing in caring for your SM. You did the right thing. God bless you for it. What a wonderful expression of love you have shown to you SM and your dad.
When my mom was in a nursing home following a major stroke 10 years ago, I had taken her "living will" in to the nurses. My eldest brother was there also. He had to sign it, I couldn't. My mom didn't want any extra measures to be taken to prolong her life. As we were standing in the parking lot, getting ready to leave, my brother says..."Well life goes on." and walks off to his car. I thought to myself.."not for me it doesn't. My mom is dieing." Two weeks later she was dead. My brother told me not to expect him to cry....it wasn't going to happen.
Through the pain of my disability I cleaned out my parents home, alone. My two brothers came to do the garage. I would call and leave messages asking for help but never received any reply. It was such a difficult time for me. When it came to my mother's jewelery my eldest brother expected his wife to get to choose a diamond ring. I told him no. I said that I would pick out something for her and their daughter (who wouldn't even speak to my folks). I told him that our parents had 3 children not 4 and that since I was the only daughter I would be handling my mothers personal items first.
It was amazing to me. I was the confidante of my parents hurt because of my brother's lack of concern and care for them. I had comforted their tears over him and his family not visiting them (they lived just a few miles a part) and their granddaughter not speaking to them when she would come over for Christmas. I could go on and on but I've already taken up too much of this post on myself.
You did the right thing. A wonderful thing. I pray that you will find peace and that your dad will do okay. God Bless you.
I appreciate the thoughts and regardless of knowing for 10 years that the day would come, didn't make it any easier. in fact, it might have been harder since she seemed invincible.
The hardest part has passed, and that was being face to face with her bio children. They finally showed a little gratitude to my dad, for the first time in ten years, after the service. They were so uninvolved in what was going on with their mother, they were surprised by my eulogy. I've known her son since I was in kindergarten or first grade and he used to pick on me & tease me until we moved away after 6th grade. It was awkward when my dad married his mom after I was out of high school but we hardly saw each other because her kids refused to share holidays with us. So, we had to split the holidays and her kids went when we weren't there. He had no idea about my relationship with his mom.
I know it was selfish of me to feel the way I did, but it bothered me that they were getting attention as the 'children', knowing they abandoned her. It would have been wonderful if they could have at least gotten up and said some nice things about what kind of mother she was while they were growing up or something. If they had written something, i would have read it. They decided not to. Her son said he'd feel like a hypocrite if he said anything, so maybe he has a little conscience. The minister closed, talking about the kind of person my stepmom was and to keep her memory alive, to be the person she would have wanted. (okay, I don't remember how he phrased it exactly) but I know my stepmom would have forgiven her kids. That's hard for me because there are years of anger & resentment for them not being there and then taking dad to court, etc. and I know that I have to let it go so I can move on in peace. So, I am working on forgiveness. But, my forgiveness probably won't alleviate their guilt. That is their burden.
lovehadley
justnotmartha
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