Is she working at all? I know she might not be able to find work in her "career" yet, but she is probably very capable of working some other job until she does. Also, plenty of graduate degrees really don't give someone a ticket into the workforce...if her degree is in "woman's studies" or something....she might be forced to start out at a very entry level position in some unrelated field, as opposed to having an accounting or engineering degree that really does set you up for a career. My kids are 13 and 10....but I've been explaining to them for years already how it's gonna work...if you get good grades in school we will pay for your college and support you, when college is over, you are on your own. If you don't get good grades in school, we are not wasting our money on college and when you turn 18 you are on your own. Not to say I would never help them out a little here or there, like help with a down payment on a first house or something...but I will not support my kid as an adult (assuming they are mentally/physically able to work of course). Supporting an adult child does not do them any good...I saw it first hand, my parents did it with my brother after college for a couple years, let him live home rent-free while he "looked" for work and worked part time. he bacame very depressed, drank a lot and it took him several years to put on his big boy underwear and get out there and on his own. I on the other hand lived in a sh*t-hole apartment, worked nights in a nursing home as a security guard so I was free to interview during the days during the 9+ months it took me to find work after college. I would have worked 3 jobs rather than move back home as a college grad....nothing against my parents, I just knew it would be a bad move. Guess who's had a better work ethic as an adult? He's bounced around from career to career, had long stretches where he did essentially nothing....while I've busted my butt and have been fairly successful in my profession. I would strongly advise against continuing to support her, and no way would I even think about letting her move back home.

Most states use a formula that vary from state to state. I agree the only way to resolve it is going to court to get an order for the 'correct' legal amount for one child. It is not cut in half and will be recalculated based on today's situation. The guideline amount when the order was made was based on information from that time.. things change. If there is an end date to the spousal support, then BM is probably going to be expected to be working or doing something to become self sufficient and if she has not, it will not reflect good for her. The courts do seem to be cracking down on 'voluntarily unemployed' parents... and it makes his case better if he's paying spousal support with the intention that she become self supporting (based on the end date). Even in this economy, the court may deem income to her at the rate of minimum wage. Children have the right to be supported by BOTH parents and it would also be in BM's best interest to get a job because eventually the spousal support will end & the kids will reach majority... then what will she do? The court may also consider that in it's decision... but there is no argument that the amount of child support is for all or nothing when there are two kids. In every child support order I have seen, it is specified how much is for each child. If it was an agreement by the parties, then it should have been specified half for each or what percentage is for what kid... but absent that, the court will calculate a new amount and as kkny said, all you can do is wait & see. If dad's income is greater, then it could stay the same or increase. There are online calculators that can give you an idea but there is no way to know for sure what will happen until all the evidence is presented and a Judge makes a ruling. Of course, if he gets along with his ex he could try to negotiate a new agreement and save the attorney fees and hassle of going to court.

KKNY, she has a savings account but it's not labeled college or retirement and it's very minimal. She was a SAHM until the divorce and only had a few years of enlisted military experience before that. So she had a hard time getting on her feet with a good job etc. From what she was saying at this point she was used to the lack of support as she had to learn to budget without it. Which meant no savings, no activities etc. So now, she can pay the bills but the boys can't do summer activities or possibly fall activities, no summer vacation, no new clothes (second hand), no movie night..you get the drift. Unless her Grandpa steps in, but she doesn't want to ask. I get his problems shouldn't be hers but he is making either choice a problem.The boys will be affected by the activities or not seeing Dad (by Dads choice) Last time this happened the boys kept getting upset with Mom cause Dad kept telling the boys he had no money = Mom's fault. And Ima, I do get it's hard to judge another's financial status. But I do happen to know the guy personally. All 3 of us were in the same unit in the military. After my friend separated (due to having their first child) and he and I would deploy with our unit, I would see him out all the time in strip clubs etc. He was known as a good time charlie and still is. And my friend was married to him lol, she knows how he valued material possesions and having the best of everything. Child support simply was not a priority for him. In this aspect he reminds me of my ex and I do see this coming with Ex. He has been hinting that he's been hit by the economy and can't afford to have DD out for summer visitation if he still pays support. I've offered to pay airfare, but he didn't like that idea. He didn't get up the courage to ask to stop CS, but I know it's coming soon. And like my friend, I do know my Ex's intimate financial details and spending habits. He'd rather take on a $700 car payment for a brand new car than drive around his old paid off car. He likes to buy all the new sneakers that come out right away or buy them at an exorbitant price so he can show that he got them first...weird stuff I know.

Thanks Ima I don't feel that I was threatening or accusing or harassing in my email to him. I let 4 objective people read it first and there were two lines I was told to delete because they seemed not important and just added to the length. My point was to send a short, FYI, notification, just thought you should know type of email. It was to the point and factual, no emotion and no attacks. Just simple. I have not inquired about CS in 6 years bc I've never had to. I've never asked for modification or for a review. Since we were in Court and things came up like non payment of medical bills, not keeping health insurance consistently so the judge ordered a review. I am sure it angered them but direct your anger at the system, not me! Ya know? I did respond. I was calm and I didn't 'apologize' I just basically said I was concerned at how hostile he had become and that I was not aware that there was a law or an injunction stating I couldn't converse with him regarding child support. But left it at that. I don't understand why the words hurt me. They just do. I am 'told' my daughter is treated with this same hostility every day at their house. I think that might be why it hurts me. I feel her pain when I am in her shoes and I'm an adult! I can't protect her from them. I can't figure out how to teach her to stand up for herself when I can't do it for myself. I have a problem with confrontation. And criticism. I can't stand it Internalize everything that is said to me but only by certain people in my life. I'm CRAZY! It's why I'm in therapy. For the record, I've never harassed them. I haven't called them directly in 3 years. In the last 10 months I've called their house 4 times to speak to my daughter. (no answer, so does it count? Lol) I don't email often unless there is an issue but I'm very careful not to antagonize or accuse anyone of anything. I'm answered with 'mind your own business, not your concern, get over yourself, you need a psych eval' Co-parenting is non existent. Up until 10 months ago, for three years dad had supervised visits, SM had no access. I'm hoping that one day, we'll be back on that schedule. My Dd told me last night she wished they were still just doing the 1 Hour visits. But I can't really do anything with that info. I feel very sorry for my girl. She is going to need serious therapy one day. This is the SM that makes my Dd call ME by my first name in her presence while she calls SM MOM... Very controlling.