You've gotten some great advice. I'll second (or third or fourth) what was said about not asking if she's pregnant. Also, don't ever tell her to relax, it will happen. As much truth as there is to that statement, it's not what someone going through infertility treatments wants to hear. I think it's perfectly ok to occasionally ask how the treatments are going and if there's anything you can do (there really isn't much you can do but by saying that shows your support). If your DIL ever wants to talk about it, listen to her and just lend an ear, and shoulder (because infertility hormones can make a person very emotional). If she expresses sadness or frustration over the process or her situation in general, tell her it's perfectly ok to feel that way. She needs her feelings validified. Tell her its ok to be angry. I felt better hearing that than I did about hearing "it will all work out". Ultimately though, anyone that said anything to me, even though it may not have been what I wanted or needed to hear at the time, I appreciated them because I knew they were just trying to help and be supportive. But I truly believe that unless you go through something like this, you have no idea the toll it takes on someone. Just be supportive. The fact that you are asking because you want to say and do the right things speaks volumes about you. I wish them the best of luck. I did 2 cycles of Clomid with IUI (artificial insemination) and moved on to IVF after my tubal pregnancy. If she ever want/needs to talk to someone that's been there, I'm more than willing to lend an ear.

Most states use a formula that vary from state to state. I agree the only way to resolve it is going to court to get an order for the 'correct' legal amount for one child. It is not cut in half and will be recalculated based on today's situation. The guideline amount when the order was made was based on information from that time.. things change. If there is an end date to the spousal support, then BM is probably going to be expected to be working or doing something to become self sufficient and if she has not, it will not reflect good for her. The courts do seem to be cracking down on 'voluntarily unemployed' parents... and it makes his case better if he's paying spousal support with the intention that she become self supporting (based on the end date). Even in this economy, the court may deem income to her at the rate of minimum wage. Children have the right to be supported by BOTH parents and it would also be in BM's best interest to get a job because eventually the spousal support will end & the kids will reach majority... then what will she do? The court may also consider that in it's decision... but there is no argument that the amount of child support is for all or nothing when there are two kids. In every child support order I have seen, it is specified how much is for each child. If it was an agreement by the parties, then it should have been specified half for each or what percentage is for what kid... but absent that, the court will calculate a new amount and as kkny said, all you can do is wait & see. If dad's income is greater, then it could stay the same or increase. There are online calculators that can give you an idea but there is no way to know for sure what will happen until all the evidence is presented and a Judge makes a ruling. Of course, if he gets along with his ex he could try to negotiate a new agreement and save the attorney fees and hassle of going to court.

kk, I wasn't quoting TOS. I was responding to JNM and quoting JNM. I wasn't even talking about TOS whatsoever in my post, I was talking about my mom... and her skewed memory. I'm sure we all remember things the way we do, even if others remember them differently. It's called 'perception'. pseudo, I'm sure that's what it is... I know she would hate to see me taken advantage of... financially that is. As I was talking to my husband about this thread, he laughed... makes him feel like a gigolo... of course, he reminded me that one of the first things he did when he moved in was to pay off a credit card in my mom's name that I had used before I met him. It was a higher interest rate so he transfered it to his low rate card... nearly 5k. I'd forgotten about that... no, he didn't make me sign a contract or repayment agreement & we weren't even married yet. I could have stiffed him I guess. He also refinanced my car a month or two later with a low rate... he has a very high credit score, mine at the time was under 500 because of medical collections when I was ill & being a struggling single mom, couldn't pay. He helped me pay them off. Now, I have a pretty good credit score, most of the bad stuff has been paid and fallen off. I guess it might piss me off if he left me after his debt was paid and I was left in debt. But, since his credit gets the lower rates, even some of the things we've bought together are financed in his name alone. Of course, my name is on the title with him... on everything. (I guess my husband has some of that blind faith too... since he's titled me on the things he is paying off that he bought before he met me) Of course, I tell him that it's HIS truck & trailer when it comes time to wash them...lol) I know TOS means well and I appreciate her concern. It is thoughtful the way she and KKNY care enough to share their wisdom with me. I'm touched, really. It's also very sweet that FD cares so much about my son's education. I told him how she stood up for him and he said to tell her thank you. Then he asked me for money to fix his car & I told him to get a job.

And to marie always: I have been on both sides of the coin and you have to understand that there are incredible abuses going on with custodial mothers and how the CS gets spent. I didn't abuse it and it doesn't sound like you have, and I realize that many men are extremely obnoxious about CS; however, there is a case to be made here. My husbands ex-wife for a period of 5+ years received $2,500/month in CS for 2 children (as well as a a $200k+ settlement - not awarded by the court but by my generous husband) and the children were not be clothed or fed. Shelter was questionable as well. During this time the CM was going on trips and leaving the children behind. They were/are placed on free meal programs at school and are rarely fed breakfast before school. And yes we did pursue custody.