I have dealt with money issued with my bf and his ex concerning the kids. They live with her, so he pays child support regularly. He is never late. However, she rarely does her part when it comes to financial matters. New school clothes? Call dad. New shoes for basketball? Call dad. Kid didn't have money for a field trip and was upset?? Must've been dad's fault. Mom doesn't take responsibility for any of it. Isn't that what the child support is for??

As for what to do to get the child support...I think it would be best to have it written on paper. But, that could make BM angry and then she would take the child back. But, without the legal papers, there is no way to get the money. I guess we just have to decide that the money isn't the important part. You said you treat your SK's like your own, so then just tell yourself that you don't need money from her to take care of "your" kids.

Field trips and extracurricular expenses are usually addressed separately from child support, and often the agreement calls for splitting these expenses.

Firstly, you shouldnt have to worry about losing custody , if indeed the teenager has been with you for two years. Mom may have custody but she cant just take it back if she has willingly allowed the kid to be with you for the last two years, unless of course, the kid wants to go back.

Your best bet is for your husband to file for child support. This will be granted , if indeed your husband has the kids full time.

As for your feelings, its your husband you should be irritated with, not the mother. HE is the one who should be filing for support, since it is that important. He isnt helpful with his comments about "the real mom" either. You arent their mother, although you are an important person in their lives. They have a mother already. Its not valid, nor fair to anyone to equate your anger over money to parenting skills.

Bonusx2, been there, done that!!! The only difference is my husband opted not to receive child support at the time of the divorce because he was afraid that if she was court ordered to pay child support, then she would fight him for the children (He also assumed all the marital debt. I definately didn't marry him for his $$!!!). My husband struggled financially in the beginning of our marriage. My income supplemented his and pulled him out of the financial pit but that left us to live modestly at best. I was very resentful of his ex-wife. She lived the swinging single life while I was the one who contributed to the support of their children. I finally told my husband how I was feeling - overwhelmed with feelings of selfishness, anger and resentment!!! But my husband listened and seemed to understand. He also spoke with his ex-wife. She now pays half the cost of school clothes, school supplies, school fees and school lunch money. He still will not request child support for fear of a court battle. I agree. I'd rather struggle together financially then lose the kids (even half time) because of money.

Your stepson has been with you the last 2 years? The precedence has been set. You should have no problem requesting the court to grant you primary placement since it has been you and your husband who has provided it for the last 2 years.

"Your stepson has been with you the last 2 years? The precedence has been set. You should have no problem requesting the court to grant you primary placement since it has been you and your husband who has provided it for the last 2 years."

Unless the teen in question would prefer (or can be manipulated to say he would prefer) to live with the other parent. In which case, in most states, it wouldn't make a difference where he lives now.

IMO, the risk of losing custody, should BM decide to fight, is real.

While I totally understand your resentment, how much do you need the money?

"...the risk of losing custody, should BM decide to fight, is real."

I guess my question is: Would the mother be fighting against a court order stating that both children live primarily with the father or would she fight against providing child support?

The mother would be fighting against child support - she has stated he can stay as long as we don't go to court and try to get anything in writing. We even said to her to give us an amnt she thought was fair and we would go with that - just so that she was contributing something so it was a little bit more equal for everyone involved. She gave us an amnt and only once in two years has actually made a payment. I love the kids it is just frustrating that she won't contribute and these are her kids. We need the money for braces for the boys - otherwise we are doing okay and I wouldn't feel this way if she would just pay something like she cares. Does that make any sense?