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17 years ago

All the fairy tales, when discussing "step" parents, are talking about a replacement of a parent after a death. The term "Step-mom" is not appreciated by many biological mothers when divorce is the cause of the new mother. Children have/need one mother, they feel. Other arrangements need their own title. I am a regular over on the garden sites but I saw this site and was wondering if you good people had ever discussed this notion. Any ideas for new titles? "Step" it seems to an outsider has become an umbrella term and does not really tell anyone the present relationship. Divorce has created many variations on what "Step" means. Especially when children are discussing their siblings via marraige, re-marriage,re-marriage.

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Comments (4)

jerseystepmom
17 years ago
Well all I can say is that I agree that "step" has a different connotation from what I am.....which is a full-time caregiver to my 15 year old stepson. His mother moved 2 hours away a couple of years ago -- sees him 4 days per month, rarely talks to him.....but since she gave birth to him she thinks that my stepmother role is irrelevant. So when I go to school events and she says "I'm his mother" I do say "I'm his stepmother," but I make sure I throw in things to convey that I am the "mother" doing the carpool, and making dinners at night and keeping up with his school work, etc. etc. I am anything but a "wicked" stepmother and it definitely doesn't convey my true role in his life. Then I remind myself that my husband and I know what I have added to his life and made up for with the poor excuse he has for a mother......Funny thing is, that he would never call me his mother, but he often refers to my husband and me as his "parents" (as in "my parents are out to dinner right now...."). As for his older sister -- I'll take "stepmother" because I don't anyone to ever confuse my contribution to who she is today -- I had nothing to do with it raising her into a 19.5 year old selfish, manipulating liar!!

Guess I didn't address the question you asked, but I just wanted to present the other side -- bio moms may not like the "mom" in our title, but guess what....many of us are truly "mom" to these kids....and even is we have the kids on weekends and not full-time....we fulfill a mom role....
arcy_gw
Original Author
17 years ago
I hear your frustration. I posted after reading through the issues you all deal with here. This is obviously a very emotional issue. There are as many situations as there are posters. I certainly meant no disregard for any ones commitment to children. If it were me, in your situation, I would refer to myself as full time custodial Mom. That pretty much tells the tale. I still persist given all the emotionally charged issues. Step-Mom/Dad/Sister is an ambiguous title that does not give accurate information.
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anettemartinrn
17 years ago
sometimes i call my sk's bonus kids. maybe we are bonus parents, lol.

anette
organic_maria
17 years ago
I dont mind stepmom but with all the diff situation its starting to come off as a negative term. I was thinking of the word, Guardian. I'm their guardian-mom

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