Rosegarden Here is an updated written version of our system, it is not on my website cause I had trouble cut and pasting it into the website program. Did you tell us how big of a pond you're making? Our Pond System... Our system is a gravity fed system which means: The filter tubs are buried in the ground. The water in the tubs is at the same level as the pond water. The entire pond bottom is slightly tilted toward the bottom drain so that any accumulation of fish waste that settles on the bottom naturally gravitates toward and through the drain. We do daily water changes by adding 10 to 15 minutes of fresh water every day and letting it run over the pond sides. Fortunately for us we dont have to use de-clor. We estimate that these water changes amount to about 30-35% water changes in a week. We also once or twice a week lay the hose on the pond bottom to help sweep any accumulated yuck toward and to the bottom drain ( this way mulm doesnt have a chance to accumulate if you keep this up on a regular basis). If you do this you have to make sure you have an anti-siphon valve, to prevent the pond water from going back into the drinking water.. The dirty pond water is continually exiting the pond and going through filter tubs, the first tub has three compartments, each compartment has various filter material, to filter the water and trap fish waste etc. After the water goes through the three tubs it travels (gravity fed) underground to a separate biological pond that is filled with vegetation. The water enters this biological pond from tubing that is on top of a waterfall, the water spills down the waterfall and travels through the biological pond getting scrubbed by all the vegetation in it's path. The water then exits the biological pond, travels underground again (18 feet) and re-enters the pond from under the small wood dock in back of the pond. This process is continually in force 24/7. There is three filter tubs daisy chained together. The first compartment in the first tub gets cleaned every 5 to 14 days (the clarity of the pond water governs this task if the water loses its crispness we will clean it more often. In spring every few days may be necessary cause we are surrounded by oaks and all the pollen that falls into the pond and sinks turns the water a tea color if we don't keep on top of it. Once the fist spring pollen droppings are over every five to 14 days is sufficient. We use various filter material, quilt batting is one of them. As I said previously, the first tub is divided into three compartments, each compartment has filter material wrapped around a divider. The filter material in the first compartment is what gets cleaned every fifth day. My head groundskeeper fills 5 gallon tubs with pond water and rinses the filter material up and down, then waters all the plants with this water, he re-fills the 5 gallon tubs and keeps rinsing the material until it is clean. This takes 45 minutes. Now he could just rinse the filter material by hosing it off this would take only five minutes, but it is all how you look at things....to him it is therapeutic and he enjoys doing so. And since he is an avid gardener he enjoys walking around watering all the plants with this water in the tubs. We also have underground sprinklers so watering the plants by hand with this pond water is not necessary but to him it's enjoyable. My point being that with a bottom drain you could clean out the filter material every fifth day with a hose and have it done in ten minutes. The advantage to the bottom drain, is the pond never needs vacuuming, never needs to be emptied in early spring for cleaning. We also have a skimmer that is under the little dock in the back, this only traps the stuff that floats on the surface, in early spring when the trees are dropping their pollen the basket needs to be emptied 2 to 3 times a day. In summer we don't even have it hooked up because we use the pump that operates the skimmer for additional waterfalls. The skimmer is only used spring and fall. I hope I covered everything. The bottom drain is very effective in a large pond. In my opinion, it is the single most important thing you can do for your pond, everything else you can improve upon later. We added the skimmer and biological pond the second year. It is a system that has served us well for 11 years. Our pond is always clean and has crisp water to view the fish, which are the main attraction. We do not use a UV light because this filter system works so well, we dont have the need for UV light. I, as well as many others always tout the merits of the Bottom Drain, and a rock less pond floor so that the waste doesn't get trapped in between the rocks. The only part of our pond that has rocks is the 4 x5 section in front of the lower pond deck. These rocks are hosed off and turned to expose a clean side usually every two weeks, usually a large amount of crud is released from these rocks when the beach is cleaned every two weeks...when we hose the beach, the crud is released into the pond and flows toward the bottom drain.

Nice to see another MOB on here! ;-) Well, we're only inviting 3 sets of neighbours that we're particularly close to, and no 'golf buddies' or bridge friends! haha! Thank heavens! Like you, we've attended many weddings of friends' children, and there are differences. Some you attend because you're close to the parents, some because you know the kids well and want to be there for them. My problem, if you can call it that, was whether to invite those 'kids' whose weddings we attended that we were close to at the time. So much changes over the years, they move away, so only one's relationship with the parents is left...so I wasn't sure if those particular 'kids', now couples, that we were once so close to, would expect invitations to our DD's wedding. It's just a few couples, but I don't want to invite them if we're not close anymore (except for their parents), or if they'd feel left-out if not invited. I guess the best thing to do is invite the ones still in town....no...it's all or nothing, I guess, hm? Ohhh, I know this must seem silly....I'll invite them. That's it. These particular couples would, I think, be expecting them, anyway. Yes, it'll be a fairly large wedding, AND I'm doing the cake! hahaha! How's that for stress?! Thanks for your input and enjoy the next year!

First off, don't worry if SM or her family was laughing... if they were, they laugh at bad parenting? That makes her a bad parent for thinking it is okay. As much as I dislike my SD's BM, I would never encourage or allow SD to talk to her like that, nor would I enjoy hearing it. I certainly would not have much respect for my DH if he told her to talk to her mom like that. Why is he changing venue? Is there a hearing on other issues? It seems pointless to move a case for no reason. The reason to move a case if for convenience because the old venue is too far & in your case, neither of you live there but if there are no hearings scheduled, it would be silly to waste the court's time with it. If he is planning to file for a hearing at the time he asks the court to change venue, that makes more sense. At that point, you should also file: 1: an objection to dispute the change of venue if it is going to mean you have to go further for hearings. If the current venue is more convenient for you than moving it to where he lives, say so. Otherwise you will be driving even further if something comes up in court. 2: a motion to address all issues that need to be addressed, including support. He wants to address issues... address ALL issues. I would also include mentioning that he admitted encouraging your teenage son to talk to you like he did. Teens are hard enough to deal with sometimes & don't need extra encouragement, especially from a parent, to treat the other parent poorly. The judge should hear about that. Forget what he accuses your DH of... that is probably because he is getting advice & help so he thinks you must be too. Or maybe it's a tactic to get you riled up... like telling you he's taking you to court. Maybe he wants a reaction... so give him one. React with calmness & work diligently to defend yourself in court. Do not defend yourself or your DH to him. He isn't going to listen anyway, that's why you can't a word in edgewise. Really, you can complain to the court that he talks badly about you to your son. The court will tell him not to & may even hold him in contempt... but they still cannot MAKE him stop talking badly about you. But as your son gets older, he will make his own decision. He may, unfortunately, stick with his dad against you... or he may decide to have less (or nothing) to do with his dad. Especially after he becomes a parent himself... he will understand better how wrong his father is being now.

Met BD for lunch today, I employed the words of lilysuzanne40. I told him the truth about the way he broke my heart, and that I feel thet I am ok today because SDad worked so hard to help us as a family to heal. BD said that he didn't realise that he was hurting us a the time, OK?. But that he now wants to make it right, and that he is happy jjust to be invited and that he just wants us to be happy and my wedding to be what I want. He also wants to continue to see me and my brother regularly, just us. So when asked who gives me away, he will stand with mummy and SD, thanks for that kkny, he liked that. He assured me that he did not and will not tell TOW where the wedding is, so that she will not show up and ruin it. He knows that she is capable of this. Surprisingly, she has been really quiet since the news of the will, I was personally expecting all hell and jerry springer to break loose, but nothing. Fortunately, they have no kids, maybe that's why. Daddy had a vasectomy 8 yrs ago and told no one, including TOW, we know because his brother told mummy. So mummy and sd are ok with the arrangement, i spoke with them before meeting daddy today, and SD is just happy that I haven't changed my mind about him, I have to honor his role in my life in any visible way possible, I mean for a long time I wasn;t even willing to be a wife or have children for fear of reliving my mother's experience and my children going through it too, but that has changed now, go therapy! You guys have been a real tangible help in pulling this together and aleviating my personal fears of a messy wedding. lilysuzanne40, you have been my virtual bff through this, and kkny you revealed a great perspective. theotherside thanks for the warning of TOW possibly turning up, good show! You have all been just great. It's put away neatly, so I can now get back to the regular bride stuff. From the heart, thanks again, for everything.