Hello,

Your situation sounds hellish. My condolences. Have you ever hear of statutory rape? That is what happens when someone has sex with a minor. Your SD could be in big trouble. I would say that is the most important issue to address in your current crisis.

What a nighmare. One of two things come to my mind from what you've described. SD is either suffering from a serious mental problem or she has a drug problem.

Something is definitely up and there are so many possibilities. Is there any chance that her Stepdad did more than verbally and emotionally abuse her? The timing in all of this sounds suspicious. Her behavior problems started after she left her Mom and SF's home, right?

If it is a drug problem, I would be concerned about meth. It might explain the rages, the paranoia, lack of sleep, loss of appetite, the poor judgment in having a 15 year-old bf and the lies.

Maybe it might help for you and your DH to see a professional and discuss what is going on with his daughter. A professional might have some solid opinions on what is going on and some ideas for you that might help.

Best wishes,
June

June 0000 my guess would be a serious mental issue. She claims to have issues regarding her parents divorce and can't handle the fact that everyone she "loves" either leaves her or dies. To this day you can't mention her "Papa" or her "uncle", she gets seriously depressed. If her step-dad did more than verbally and emotionally abuse her, she isn't saying and he is now dying of lung cancer to which she has forgiven him for everything he has ever done to her. Her problems didn't seriously start until right before she left for college and got involved with a couple of other families that practice "witchcraft" or so she says. Not wanting to offend anyone, but still needing to say this, she is obsessed with the Wiccan religion and says she is an atheist--not sure if that is possible or not--don't know anything about Wiccans. There is also things that her father has said to her regarding her career choices that she says her step-dad has talked with her about and no mention of her dad.
As far as the statutory rape thing goes, newstepmom, her boyfriends mother does not have custody of her oldest son because of "questionable" things she has done with him and not to mention the fact that she is also sleeping with one of her sons friends who just turned 18 a couple of months ago--did I mention the mom is 30ish??
The whole thing is insane and I feel it pulling my husband and me apart and that is the last thing I want. I understand that it is his daughter and I don't have a problem with that, but it kills me to see his daughter treat him like he is crap on her shoes when he would do anything that he possibly could to help her. And now that she has her BM wrapped around her finger with all her lies it can only get worse and go straight downhill from here. They will make up any and all lies they can to make it look like we are the bad guys and unfortunately, that's how the courts see it. He was paying almost $200/wk for both of his kids and she was collecting every form of public assistance you could ask for and he still wasn't doing enough according to her and the courts. We were living on $50/wk once she got hers.
Believe me I could go on forever telling you things that would make your head spin, but I don't think I'm allowed to take up pages just for my problem.

jbabe:

There isn't any way you can fix any of this. In order to fix it, you would need to round everyone up and get them to act like they aren't nuts and/or criminally inclined. That is not going to happen.

I can certainly understand that the financial aspect of everything is very difficult, but just tell yourself that one day that will end.

I do think that if you are to find any peace of mind with this crazy cast of characters, you will need to detach from them and their crazy problems.

Let DH deal with his SD and with his Ex. Don't listen to the lies and don't get engaged in a conversation with any of them about anything. If one of them tries to engage you to keep the craziness going, all you have to do is disengage them with an "oh so sorry, I am busy and need to go - bye!" and then hang up or walk away. Do it over and over again until they get the message.

If DH wants to get his SD help, that is up to him. If SD wants to get straightened out, that is up to her.

I think that if you can disengage, you will find that the things they do will cease to matter to you very much.

Best wishes,
June

If she isnt staying with you weekends or vacations anymore, then probably you will lose the child support for her. Mom probably is "taking it back to court" because the daughter is with her now, instead of your husband. Be prepared for the support order to potentially change.

As for stepdaughter;s angst, there isnt a whole lot you can do. Sometimes kids from divorced homes ( or even other homes) go a little crazy for a few years when they get the freedom of college. All you can do about it is keep your chin up, dont respond to ridiculous attacks, and keep the bigger picture in mind. In a few years, this girl will settle down and start feeling badly about all the crap she pulled in her angry youth. At that time, she will probably want to re establish family ties with her dad. If you retaliate now by attacking her back, it will be much harder to fix down the road.

Hi Kathline, SD is not with her mom either. When she comes for visits, she usually stays with friends; to my knowledge, her mother has not even gone to pick her up let alone let her stay with her. As of the last court date, the judge has said that this is her permanent residence because of it being her mailing address--and as of yesterday, her mail is still coming to our address--so her residence is still here. Thanks for the help.

My question is how in the world is your SD still collecting child support from anyone? After graduation and since she is 19, I cannot believe that child support would continue. All child support I have known of ends when the child graduates or turns 18.

wimom,

Different states have child support ending at different ages. In NY state, child support continues until 21 if the child is in attendance at post secondary education.

Just wanted to let anyone who cares know that my DH went back to court again--his ex took him back for violating the child support order. The judge practically laughed his ex out of court--he doesn't pay child support, she does; he doesn't have to give SD her child support, but does; he is legally doing nothing wrong. The judge dropped the child support so now my SD is getting no money from either parent.