Sex question

17 years ago

Not step parenting related but I feel I know you ladies so thought I would dump on you.

Since becoming OBVIOUSLY pregnant J and I haven't been having as much sex. His drive hsa gone down considerably. We still have sex but I'm lucky to ge tit once a week as apposed to our normal every other day set up. He says he is just really stressed out with the financial situation,trying to fid a better job, the girls school etc. etc.

I know stress can kill the sex drive but theres a part of me that can't help but feel he thinks I'm fat and disgusting now that I'm getting bigger and it's really hurting my feelings. I FEEL disgusting so I can't stop thinking he thinks I'm disgusting too. It is really making me self conscious aorund him. I don't even want to walk from the shower to the closet naked in front of him because I worry he's gagging looking at my thighs.

Did any of you go through this during your pregnancies. DO you think I'm being paranoid. He keeps telling me how gorgeous I am but I can't stop thinking "then why don't you desire me anymore?" When we do have sex I can't stop thinking that it's a sympathy lay. I feel pretty cruddy about it.

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Comments (11)

doodleboo
Original Author
17 years ago
Sorry about all the typos. I'm still at work and I am really REALLY tired.
imamommy
17 years ago
The first thing that popped in my head is "confidence is sexy!"

Some guys are turned off by the things we say that show our lack of confidence or insecurity in our bodies. Lots of guys think a pregnant woman is even sexier, but if you are telling him how un-sexy you feel you are, that's going to have an impact.
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believer
17 years ago
I think that some men are just uncomfortable with the "baby" makes three thing. For a lack of a better way of putting it. I would believe him also that he is stressed. Believe him when he tells you that you are beautiful. Pregnant women are taking place in a miracle...you most assuredly are beautiful.

When I was married to my now X and pregnant I was hyper sexual....like I want it and I want it now! To bad it was just when I was pregnant.LOL

How far along are you my dear? How exciting for you all.
Ashley
17 years ago
I was thinking the same thing believer said. I had a friend whose Hubby was wierd about sex when she was pregnant because that was his baby in there. I think it just wierded him out a little.
justnotmartha
17 years ago
I agree - I think some men may worry they could hurt you, the baby, or both. This on top of his other worries may make the whole sex think just not seem worth it.

I like Ima's thought about confidence - it's not something I would have even thought of, but I know it's true. If you find you sexy, I bet he will as well.
doodleboo
Original Author
17 years ago
I have to tell you that he has been super supportive and waits on me hand and foot. He's also still extremely huggy and kissy theres just less sex...not NO sex just considerably less. I don't want anyone to think he's totally neglecting me....hahahaha. He is very affectionate in other areas.

I think "the bump" is getting so darn big that it's making things difficult. I know it's hard to avoid smashing the belly and all. Oh the joys of pregnancy, huh?

I really do believe he is exhausted and stressed also. And just so you all know I am HYPER HYPER HYPER SEXUAL so maybe the constant need freaks him out. I can't help it though it's the hormones going nuts:)

Believer- I will be 26 weeks this coming saturday. I am HUGE though. People freak when I tell them I'm not due till Jan. 9th.
sylviatexas1
17 years ago
"it's the hormones going nuts"

may be making you more emotional/sensitive, too-

If a guy can't keep up with a "HYPER HYPER HYPER SEXUAL" woman (no matter how much they all think they'd like to try!), it doesn't mean he doesn't *want* to, or that he likes her less or is attracted to her less.
doodleboo
Original Author
17 years ago
It's just all such bad timing. HAHAHA. My hormones sky rocket making me more sensitive and randy while his decreases because of stress. At the same time there are self esteem issues going on because my stellar body isn't so stellar anymore TRIGGERING the emotional sensitivity and with his decreased sex drive it fuels it even more because I connect my GROSS appearance with his decreased sex drive and in turn feel even MORE self conscious which makes me even MORE sensitive. It just keeps going and going and going....hahahaha.

It's a vicious circle and I feel ridiculous for even stressing it but my emotions and body both feel like they arn't even mine anymore. I think I have been possessed by a bi-polar cow.
sylviatexas1
17 years ago
"I think I have been possessed by a bi-polar cow."

The computer screen thanks you for the iced-tea shower/bath!
doodleboo
Original Author
17 years ago
hahahahaha....sorry Sylvia:)
silversword
17 years ago
Doodleboo, I was like that too. My X didn't want to have sex because having a baby "in there" freaked him out.

What about other ways of having sex? Have you considered "relaxing" him since he is so stressed? Is it the belly, or is it everything?

Glad to know he's still loving and supportive. The world could use more men like him.

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