Need Advice About Step Son

18 years ago

I am now fiance to a wonderful woman. She brought a son into our relationship from a former marriage. She has been seperated for a while and finally finalized divorce shortly after we got together. The question that continually is brought up is whether or not her son should see his biological father. Her son is 4 years old. Shortly after he was born is when the father did not want a part of raising the child and seperated. He has rights as the biological father, although she maintains full custody. She has taken her son to see his father many times throughout the boy's life. The father refuses to support the boy in any way, even financially. He will not see his son unless she brings the boy to his residence. He has been in and out of trouble with the law, very prone to violence. Should we not let her son see his father, because he has been asking about it? Neither I nor my fiancee wants anything to do with his biological father. I also, law willing, will adopt the boy as soon as we are married. I have lived with her since the beginning of our relationship and have been like a father to him. What should we do?

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Comments (3)

jeri
18 years ago
You can lead a horse to water but you canÂt make him drink.

If the bio-dad doesnÂt want to be a father, taking the boy to see him wonÂt do the boy any good. As someone recently pointed out - DNA does not a "father" makeÂ

Will the bio-dad give up his parental rights and allow you to adopt the boy? Maybe if you dangle some money and let him know he is off the hook for child support that may help. If the man really wanted to be a father Â he would never allow this. He would also do what ever it took to be part of the childÂs life. But, if it is as you say and the man doesnÂt want to be a father then the child will be much better off with you, someone who cares, as his father. Cut the bio-dad out cleanly and legally (with his blessing of course)Â

The fact that the boy is so young is perfect for all of you.
scarlett_80
18 years ago
My advice keep your step son away from bio-dad. I was in a similar situation. I had two children who were 4 years old and 6 months when their bio-dad decided to walk out. I was always one to believe that a child needs both their parents so I tried. But like your fiance, I always had to take them to him. Go out of my way so they could have a dad. While he did absolutly nothing..no emotional support or finacial support for the children. Eventually, after several broken promises and broken hearts I completely disconnected myself and my children. They soon stopped asking about him and caring about spending time with him. They were no longer depressed it was like a weight had been lifted! I know its better emotionally for a child not to be exposed to this type of situation, I feel like my children would have been better off never having to go through all the upset tearful evenings when he was suppose to spend time with them. Its great that you are willing to step up and be the father! Maybe when he is older he can seek out his bio-dad on his own. But as long as you are there for him there is no need to have a dead beat dad around causing pain. I hope that you are able to convince him to give up custodial rights. I tried that but a man's pride is a powerful stubborn thing. Even though he has no communication with my children he refuses to give up parential rights. I would definitely suggest he either sign over rights or start paying child support. Good luck!
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sylviatexas1
18 years ago
jeri & scarlett know what they're talking about.

Pay special heed to the last part of scarlett's post:

You might use a carrot-*&*-a-stick approach, something like child's mother is going to sue for support, but if he relinquishes parental rights, she'll sign a document that she will never demand back-support.

I wish you the best.

Need Advice About Step Son

Comments (3)

jeri

scarlett_80

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