The first time, we went to the new ARE retail store in GA, which had been written up in the Atlanta paper. We had written ARE for a catalog before we went, and I had dug a bed which, we thought, would hold 6 roses. When we got to ARE, they of course did not have every single thing in stock. So some of my favorites were missing, and I was fretting over possible replacements and wondering whether we should wait for next season. But my wife said, let's just take six of the ones they have; they'll all be beautiful. So we left with SEVEN. ("Scarlet Moss" was just too cute.) Anyway, it's been like that ever since. I fret. For weeks. My wife eventually delivers an ultimatum: ok, today you will place the order. And I usually get about 20% more roses than I have space for, which for this group is rather restrained and suggests I am not a true rosomaniac. My current criteria in order: healthiness/suitability for my area, fragrance, size/habit, bloom form (in order: semi-double, single, double), color, .... I also like variety in everything: class/species, fragrances, habit, color. My preference for fragrance has led me to have quite a few white and near white roses (Alba semi-plena, Blanc Double de Coubert, Darlow's Enigma, Secret Garden Musk Climber; and New Dawn, Spice, Marie Pavie). Mike

Rotating the plan allows you to see the relationship of the spaces from different viewpoints as you will in the finished house. A plan is not like artwork; it has no purpose other than to assist in the design of the actual house. I had a professor in design school who would flip through an architectural magazine upside down when he was struggling with a design problem. He was odd I admit. Unfortunately, computers force a designer to take several steps in order to rotate the plan or be able to walk around it. Computers should not be thought of as design tools; they are production tools and should be put aside as often as possible in the design phase and a homeowner should not see a computer drawing (other than a perspective) until the preliminary design is completed. I find that inexperienced designers invariably start at the end of the design process and work backward which is why the process is so painful for them and for anyone who is following their progress or trying to help them. The OP is a good example of how difficult it is to breathe life into a completed computer drawn plan. A renovation design is like a new construction design but it has more givens/restrictions which can be difficult but tough problems often result in great designs which is why I enjoy it more.

Sweetheart, listen to yourself. You're making excuses for your husband's sh!tty behaviour, because he tells you there's nothing wrong. (As Scarlett said, HE has no problem, so from his POV there is no problem.) And ignoring a wife's pain, and refusing to discuss serious, relationship-threatening issues with her, in favour of what is essentially an affair with the internet, is sh!tty behaviour. What a controlling creep he is. He's got you right where he wants you, under his thumb where he can do whatever he wants, and you will think everything he does must be right, and if you don't think it is, well then, that's your fault somehow. You "don't want him to be unhappy." You don't want to "hurt him very badly." What about _your_ wants and needs? Why are you putting up with unhappiness, poor self esteem and "crying yourself to sleep" to avoid hurting _his_ feelings, when his behaviour is the source of that unhappiness? You say that otherwise he loves you, but does he _truly_ love you when he is seemingly OK with your unhappiness, and refuses to do anything to change that? Occasional, grudging sex that he implies is a "chore" is _not_ loving. When he tells you, "it's not you, it's him", believe him! There's something wrong with him, he knows it, he's not going to discuss it and he believes if he pretends that all is well it will be. Well, it's not. He needs to bite the bullet and do something towards fixing the problem. He is _not_ unique. Whatever ails him is probably also happening to thousands of other men out there. If you don't believe there's someone else out there you could love as much, you're mistaken.

I hear a lot of whining, blaming, and making excuses why it's everyone else's fault or not doable. "Not everyone can afford daycare - if I'd had to pay after school daycare for a couple of kids at $200 a month each, it wouldn't have been worth working." If you can't afford $200 a month, I venture to say you wasted your time & money on two graduate degrees. I can afford $200 a month (because that's about what it cost me in fuel to go pick up my step daughter after school everyday when she went by her mom's house) I agree that not everyone can afford daycare, but there are also subsidized programs for low income and single parents. When they get to 13+, they can usually be home alone. I'm not sure many 13+ year olds would want to have a babysitter. Isn't part of being a parent, figuring these things out as you go? If it means taking a more flexible job like TOS or working more & hiring help like KKNY, we do what we have to do. When I was a single parent, I couldn't (or chose not to because I had job security there) change jobs so I found a house near where I worked. I could run home on my breaks if I needed to. The school was just down the street if I got a call to pick someone up. When they were able to, they went to after care and when they got too old, they came home and I monitored what was going on by calling or coming home on my lunch and breaks. I could have lived in a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood but further away from work and it would have been harder to be as involved as I was. It's all about choices. "And then what -- even if you pick up the kids after school, they have less flexibiltiy re after school activities, their school friends are 10 miles away." When my stepdaughter was going to school 28 miles away from us, she was in taekwondo with her mom. On my husbands weeks, I would take her. I'd pick her up from school, hang out window shopping or running errands for an hour (sometimes take her to the park or work on her homework while we waited) and take her to her taekwondo class which was near her school & mom's house. She also was in girl scouts and karate where DH and I live. She made friends there too so she had friends by her mom's house and dad's house. I didn't realize that kids were only allowed to make friends in ONE area.... hmmm. Like I said, if you want it to work, you can make it work. IF TOS has two degrees and can earn more, she may be able to afford a babysitter/daycare or she may choose to take a lower paying job that has flexibility. You choose what works for you, just as I chose to live near my job.