Yes verbal abuse is domestic violence, is he threatening you? Harm to yourself, or children? Do u have an answering machine? Would he leave the same threats on this? It scares the kids, you need to explain that Daddy isn't himself right now, he needs help, and your going to get him the help he needs...by calling the police. That Daddy still and always will love them, and nothing will change that. As whacked as it sounds, you'd be doing your kids the favor, not him. How old are they? Old enough to understand? Do you have sole custody? Your ex can't keep your kids from your wedding, he's just being an a**. He's just trying to make your life a living hell so you won't marry this other guy. Sounds like your ex and my ex should hook up in D block. LOL

He is not threating violence, but he has said that he will keep the children from me. He calls all the time and gets very bossy and beligerant on the phone. He has left some threating voice mails. My children are 7 and 2. I do not have sole custody. I have joint legal custody. He is fighting me for joint physical custody. As far as my wedding goes, I am afraid he will take the girls on a day that isn't his. He will try and get them from daycare or something and then not let me have them. Can the police force him to give up the children? We don't have specific days in writing as to what days they are supposed to be with him. It just says two mid-week visits, but he has been consistenly taking them alternating Friday and Saturday nights since the beginning of the year. I know this is all his way of controlling me still. I hate that I am still so afraid of this man. My fiance' absolutely hates this man, which I don't blame him for at all. I will get married. I just hope that I don't have to get the police involved in having to go and get my children before my wedding.

He does not need to know the date you are getting married, does he? If you are getting harassing phone calls, you can get a restraining order.

I am providing a link that more clearly defines an abuser.

Here is a link that might be useful: Family Crisis Center - Warning signs of an abuser

Most daycare centers will not allow certain people who haven't signed a release to pick up the children from the center. As far as I know, schools are pretty much the same. Talk with the daycare center and if he has any rights to pick the children up afterwards, terminate those rights and tell them they are not allowed to release the children into his care. Period.

Document any kind of contact that he has with you, whether it be taping phone calls or messages, and keeping old emails. Then call a lawyer and see what you can do.

Good luck!

If he takes the children on a day that is not specified as his visitation date without your consent it is called KIDNAPPING and is a felony.

Verbal abuse is abuse. If he has made threats to harm of any kind and you have documentation or you have it on tape, then that is evidence that can go toward terroristic threatening which can land him in jail. If he has been harrassing you then you should see a lawyer about getting a restraining order.

Is it possible to have your wedding on a Saturday when it is your weekend? I agree that you don't have to tell him you are getting married.

I strongly urge that you see a lawyer about getting sole custody (both legal and physical). When joint custody doesn't work -- which is what is happening -- going back to court is an option to make your life more livable.

If he is threatening to take or has taken your children on days that are not his, he can be held in contempt of court and that will not help him at all in getting joint custody. But you would have to have your lawyer handle this as well.

I feel for you. I feel most for your kids. Jeez what a jerk.

Out of curiosity, why don't you have your arrangement formalized?

If you are physically afraid of this man, or if you fear he's going to take your kids, start investigating your legal options, including a restraining order, *now* not later. That way you lay the groundwork for dealing with his future silly behaviors.

A friend of mine had his son stolen from him by his wife who has a, shall we say, touch-and-go relationship with reality. He hadn't taken a restraining order out on her beforehand because it cost too much money (1500 UK is what he said) and now there's nothing much he can do until court, and a decreased hope of custody after because the court favors a) the custody status quo as long as there's no harm to the child and b) mothers (although less so now).

Don't wait. Don't second guess yourself. Be prepared -- and you don't necessarily have to tell him beforehand that you're preparing.

Ask yourself -- if a *stranger* was doing this to a friend of mine, what would I tell *her* to do?