I so agree, Sandy. We can all so easily be humbled when we start to feel sorry for our situations by just looking around at how much worse so many others have it, and what great attitudes and high spirits many in terrible health and/or who undergo repeated, painful procedures have. I had major reconstructive surgery on both of my feet in 2000 (four different procedures on each foot at once, 6 months apart), and can tell you that was no picnic, but I imagine what you went through with your back last summer and what Sharon is about to have done is even -- I'll try to be positive -- more of an opportunity for growth. :) As for the smoking battle, I used to make fun of folks who talked about what a SERIOUS addiction it was until I REALLY TRIED to beat MINE... Here I am 6 years and 13 days later, still chewing the nicotine gum, BUT the last tobacco I smoked was Nov. 1, 2003 (after waffling back and forth quite a few times between May 1 2000 and Halloween 2003)... However, the longterm effect of all my on-again, off-again affair with the nicotine-gum substitute was that when I FINALLY kicked the cigarettes for good, I found I was no longer able to wean off the gum (I had been completely nicotine-free for a year before 9/11, when, like Peter Jennings, I relapsed and began the cycle of a couple months of smoking followed by a couple months of gum... for the next two years). Aside from the cost of the gum (which is less expensive if you buy store brand), the doctors say it's pretty safe to use and have NO PROBLEM with me chewing it longterm -- Even when I had a heart attack Feb. 21, they didn't have a problem with me having my nicotine gum in the hospital... Nicotine is chemically similar to caffeine -- it's all the OTHER STUFF in the tobacco smoke that kills ya... the TAR, the CARBON MONOXIDE, the HYDROGEN SULFIDE, the HYDROGEN CYANIDE and about A THOUSAND OTHER TOXIC CHEMICALS, or so they say. So if you're fighting the smoking battle "solo," Sandy, perhaps you should give nicotine replacement a try... you may not save any money vs. what it costs to smoke, but you'll certainly save your health... There's only ONE downside, for me, at least when I'm not in closed quarters... when I smell someone else's cigarette it often still smells GOOD to me... I was helping dig holes to plant tomatoes and peppers at the local Master Gardener vegetable garden this morning and the guy who's in charge of it this year smokes... He passed me at one point with a cigarette and I caught a whiff and it smelled good and I told him so -- and he asked if I wanted one... Not THAT foolish I said NO THANKS, I'll stick with the gum, lol. Good luck to EVERYONE with your health issues! Jeff

Very pleased to have found this site...it’s literally the only one on the web with real women talking about what is really happening to them in this stage of life - the only one I can find anyway!! Amazing to see the diversity of experience which does not fit the textbook or what we are commonly told...I shouldn’t be surprised really, people always spread so widely to each side of what is ‘typical’ in pretty much everything. It’s reassuring anyway even if a tad strange to find it on a house decorating website. I’m 47 and might be in menopause, or Perimenopause...last period was in May and very light. Before that had one in November and a super heavy one in September - 3 weeks long and not fun. I had a D&C in October and then an iron infusion in Nov as I felt so lousy and had v low iron, made an amazing difference - totally recommend that if heavy periods wipe out your iron. No wonder women are tired quite frankly with this kind of crazy stuff going on in our lives! Anyway...I have a question to ask everyone - with all these periods coming and going, does it mean that you are still fertile, or ovulating, on and off as well? Even when in your 50’s? Has anyone’s Dr suggested they should still take bc meds to prevent pregnancy? I’m asking from the other perspective - in hopes that I might still have a glimmer of fertility - if I get any more periods :) Thanks

The hardest part for me is that the FILs live a full day's drive away. If I go there, I'm stuck, but I don't want to stay home without my family. They corner me and make me uncomfortable with all their questions and insinuations "Well BM said that you.......(fill in the blank)". It's funny because I am (or was before she moved) a prevelant part of FSD's life, especially on weekends. I've even been the one to pack FSD's suitcase and make sure she has the right stuff. Then, we go to visit FILs, and BM calls FSIL to tell her to do this or that while we're there. FSIL has seen FSD MAYBE once a year since 2005! Before that, she hadn't seen her in like 6 to 8 years! Every time I go I try to help as much as I can, but I always get treated like they don't need my help. I can't win! But, I don't want to stop seeing them because that's what BF did before 2005 and FSD didn't know her family. And I want DS to get to know them as well. I love our home life. We only see them occasionally, so I feel like for the sake of everyone else I should just suck it up. I'm sure the gossip would be even worse of I didn't go.

Even though you haven't found a new place, I bet it feels great to be in the position of having sold already! I've been hoping for a quick sale for katieob - someone is going to walk in there and say "I must have this kitchen!" - ours went in just under a month and the kitchen was definitely what sold it. New house is a generous term for what we bought...we're right in town in Concord center and our place started out as a barn built in 1872! It was moved over ice blocks to its current location and converted into a colonial in 1911. The living room has the original beam and timber ceiling which is wonky and I love, but sadly everything got painted so the wood grain isn't showing. There's evidence in various places of the house having been a stable and we're going to keep that as much as possible. The kitchen is a disaster - "redone" in 1988, and added onto with a sunroom in 1996 - they put linoleum over the original wood and then tiled over that! The cabs remind me of something you'd find in an abandoned cabin in the woods (bugs and all) and the counters are some ancient formica. It's an odd layout with one area having FOUR doorways in it so that part is totally unusable as functional kitchen space (it will become a desk/workspace for me). We could kill the sunroom portion but keeping it has its appeal in an odd sort of way so we're going to go that route. The plan as of now is to force an L-layout out of it as my KD and I think that's the best use of the odd space. I think white perimeter cabs are in my future with possibly a painted island, and counters being considered are the usual for me (marble, soapstone or similar, wood). I'm head over heels for some of these Modernaire and Rangecraft hoods that people are showing here on GW so I'm guessing I'll end up with one of those. Smaller scale to everything as it's just not the grand space (or house) that we had, which was the whole point of moving anyway. We've done the huge fancy house thing and are "over it" - we wanted to simplify life a bit. Challenges for this reno will be maximizing efficiency for the space, staying true to the house's character/history without being too period-perfect, and keeping the scale in-line with its surroundings. I'm excited to try some new things (like a Liebherr integrated fridge) and make it all come together in an undated, classic sort of way. Plan is to be hosting Thanksgiving dinner here - yikes!!