Great thread! I am thankful that I still have both of my parents, and the are for the most part, in decent health. Yes, DF has suffered some cardiac problems as he has aged which have slowed a man who lived to coach softball. First with co-workers and until the most recent problem, a senior softball league. He now goes occasionally to watch, but despite the cardiologist leaving it up to him as to whether to participate, he has chosen not to play. He has his routine that starts at 4 a.m. Works out at home each morning after he has breakfast and reads his newspaper. Very good from a mental standpoint, loves to talk current events, history, politics, etc. He also opens and closes the pool each summer and tends a rather significant amount of tomato plants. DF still does his own lawn and home maintenance as he always has. My DM is in seemingly very good health for her age. With the exception of problematic arthritis and sciatica which have caused her to lessen her spring/fall "housecleaning" regimen. I always thought that whole exercise to be nuts, personally, but that's how things were done in her family for generations. A total tear apart every room twice a year for a "deep" cleaning. While she still attempts to do it, I usually will set aside a couple of days each spring and fall to give her a hand with things that she cannot physically do. lol DM still gets together with her high school girlfriends once a month either for lunch or dinner. When I compare her to her friends, only one other of her friends is in as good of shape as DM. The others aren't concerned with keeping themselves up to date with regard to their attire or hair. My DM would die before she would put on a pair of elastic wasted polyester pants. No offense to anyone here who may enjoy those. DM just doesn't. She hasn't ever been one to drive on major highways, so the fact that she continues not to do so, is nothing new. I make a point of getting her out for clothes and holiday shopping when I am able to tolerate a trip to the mall. DM and I go to the same hair salon. I am sure her highlights and reverse color hide the small amount of grey that she has. Together with keeping up with current short hair styles she looks much younger than her actual age. DM dresses everyday, Pal your mentioning your mom and her shoes - just in case, definitely made me smile. My parents keep a theatre package, attending 6 or so shows per season. Go out for dinner at least once a week. Also, they cook and eat well. They love to take advantage of the senior bus trips available to them in our area. One thing that I've noticed is that my DF seems more hesitant about long distance driving, thus enjoying the bus trips. It is hard for me to pinpoint an age at which I see them. Perhaps it is because I see them so often, at least twice a week. I pop in to take a new dish I've tried or drop off some fresh produce from the farmstand. Really, I don't need much of a reason to visit, I just enjoy doing so, and it allows me to keep an eye on them. Have to say that I have enjoyed reading everyone's stories about their parents. Also, this particular thread has accentuated my good fortune in still having my parents as they are in their early 80's. So, if I had to put an age that I visualize them, I guess I would have to put it at between 55-60. Funny because I am now 50!

Now that my project is coming to a completion (this week!!!!!), I wanted to put out there my finance tracking spreadsheet that I used to monitor costs associated with a kitchen remodel. It's on my Google drive, and I've made it public for viewing. Hopefully, something like this could be useful for others endeavoring on a similar adventure. Inside the document is also a listing of all of the materials that I independently purchased (like things from online). Hope some of you find it useful. It has to be noted that as wrap-up completes this week, that any additional funds I owe (outside of contract) will be settled, so the spreadsheet will be updated as those payments are made. Looks like the total cost for everything is coming up to around $45k, which I hear is mid-priced for similar jobs. I am very pleased with the results, that's for sure! Also what is the etiquette with posting final reveal photos? Should I continue in this thread (which was originally meant to get feedback), or should I start a new thread without all the discussion? Your thoughts, please! Here is a link that might be useful: Kitchen Remodel Cost Tracking & Breakdown

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

The nothern Ca coast is perfect for a road trip, with many sights along the way. To make it easy on yourself, fly into the small Santa Barbara airport(if possible), and rent a car from there. Santa Barbara itself is a lovely, wonderful, bustling little village with plenty of shops, great food, the pier, and of course the magnificent beach! Oh, and USB is right on the ocean. You'll only be about an hour(a gorgeoous drive!)from San Simeon where Hearst Castle is located, but you would need to book your tours online beforehand~we dId two, one after the other, but don't recall which. I swear the views from the estate are a look into heaven! You will also be close to San Luis Obispo, a great little village with a ban of fast food chains. There's a tree~lined street you can't miss, which is reminiscent of a scene out of Gone With the Wind with the mighty Oaks and also the college with it's gorgeous grounds. I can't remember how far you will be from Solvang, but it's a short drive and well worth seeing this bit of Sweden-in-America! Monticeido and Summerland, are other small villages worthy of a bit of time, and close to each other. As an aside, i'm also somewhat of a 'food snob' and was happy to learn the majority of the small restaurants along the way have their own organic gardens and if not, the produce is bought locally from organic farmers/farmers markets. It's definitely a trip i'm planning to do again, and will take in Monterey and Carmel, possibly as far as San Fran/Sausilito. As for San Diego, I lived there for 27 years before moving to Austin, and it can get crazy on the freeways. Parking places at the beach are rare, restaurants can be a 2 hour wait, and if there's a baseball game, traffic can be at a standstill in every direction. The Del Mar Fair is in late June ending on July 4th, but two weeks later horse racing season starts~all this creates more traffic, etc in SD. Just a heads up, as it can become frustrating(and overwhelming!)and may be more than you bargained for. Just something to keep in mind if you plan a visit. Looking forward to your decision. You've been given some great ideas!