First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! How was the wedding (besides the OP of course)?

Ooooh.........that's a tough problem. Since it's already over, I would just not say anything. If someone asks you or you hear mention of the other kids, you can then interject that he violated your wishes to not bring his kids. But I don't think I would say anything to the FIL or to the offender. What's done is done. Maybe you can tell hubby and he can tell FIL that it was inappropriate for the childen to be there and disrespectful. That's IF you really just need to say something.

I tend to figure that if a problem isn't likely to recur, you might as well let it go. This sounds like that sort of situation, simply because weddings don't recur very often. (Well, ideally. I can think of a few people in my extended family who, let's say, had more marriages than sense.)

If you know of anyone who particularly wanted to bring their children and didn't, I might mention it to them in passing. Or to someone who's likely to hear about their disappointment. For example, if my siblings all had kids who were left at home, I would mention my unhappiness to my mother. I know that I could trust her to say the right thing to them if they were disappointed, but she wouldn't spread the situation unnecessarily as gossip.

I'm with Sovra about letting it go -- It certainly won't happen again.

If anyone says anything about it, a simple comment that you were "very surprised that some people brought uninvited guests" would suffice.

And Congratulations!

Thanks Ashley. The wedding was absoulutly beautiful and more perfect than I had imagined it would be. The weather was amazing for the whole weekend. The food was fantastic and everybody had a fantastic time! My SM was there and she was very nice to everybody in my family including my Mom. My Dad actually danced with my Mom at the rehearsal dinner after his Wife encouraged him to do so. I really could not have asked for a better wedding!

Oh, I am so happy for you! I'm so glad that everyone was civil and got along and that you were able to enjoy your day! It's a bummer that this guy had to be the only downer on an otherwise perfect day. But it sounds like you didn't let it bother you too much. Are you going on a honeymoon?

Yes, we are leaving for Costa Rica on Halloween. We will be there for 10 Days. I can't wait!

Congratulations, Raek. I agree with pretty much everything everyone else has said about the kids being there. If it was me, I'd make a point of saying something directly about it to those folks who I thought most wanted to have their kids there or who would be the most offended by it. Just b/c I and so many of us have learned the hard way that it's the things that go unsaid that can fester the worst. So I wouldn't necessarily count on it getting back to them thru a third party, and I wouldn't worry about being very diplomatic about it either. I'd just say "I'm sure you were wondering why there were kids there after I specifically told folks we couldn't afford to have any kids there. I had absolutely no idea that FIL's friend was going to bring his kids, and I was pretty irritated about it myself. Just wanted to apologize for what I didn't intend to be ---but ended up becoming anyway--- a big discrepancy." I'm sure 99.9% of people would accept this direct acknowledgement of the issue. If you don't directly acknowledge it, probably half the people wouldn't even remember it the next day and half would kinda wonder and a few would simmer. If any of the people who didn't get to bring their kids were people you are ESPECIALLY close to, like really close family or best friends (and especially if you're also close to those kids), I might make an effort in the future to include the kids in some fun group get-together that otherwise might not have occured to me to include them in. But I'd only make this xtra effort if you think the parents or the kids themselves took it really personally.

I was just wondering how far the rudeness extended - how many attendees did they RSVP for?

Also, did the FIL contribute $ toward the wedding and could he have told his best friend to bring the kids along?

They only RSVP'd for 2. They spoke to my FIL before the wedding. Because they were coming in from out of town and planned to spend some time vacationing in the area and they wanted to bring their kids along. FIL asked me and I told him that it would be problematic for me to say yes to them and not yes to my cousins who were also coming in from out of town. I was told that because the older one is 13, that they would be able to stay in the cabin they were renting and that it would not be a problem for them not to come. That was the last I heard about it until they showed up at the wedding. Becuase a few people who planned to come did not make it for medical reasons, I didn't end up having to foot the bill for the extra 2 people there.

My FIL did not contribute to the wedding. Both of my parents did, and I did. FIL did do the rehearsal dinner, which was lovely.

I'm not sure if FIL told him it would be ok, and I'm a little wary about asking. I don't want to make waves, ya know? I almost think he did, otherwise I'm not sure why he hasn't brought it up to me. We are fairly close and I'm very fond of him. I'm just peeved by this.

I would be peeved also.

Personally, if your FIL knew beforehand that his best friend was bringing the children from out of town then he should have taken it upon himself to make arrangements for a suitable babysitter for them... It's what I would do for a friend, especially a best friend who was traveling from out of town.

I know there's nothing that can be done about the situation now, but I still think I would have my new husband question his father about it - I would ask my mother if she was involved in a similar situation... At least it would somewhat soothe my ruffled feathers knowing that I wasn't taken advantage of without at least attempting to get to the bottom of it all and being truthful and letting them know that their actions affected me... Does that make any sense??

Serenity suggested you should say you were irritated, but I disagree. I think that would be very poor post-wedding etiquette.
I would NOT say that I was irritated that FIL's friend brought his kids, even to someone else. I would suggest something diplomatic like "We were unaware that there would be any uninvited guests coming and it made for an awkward situation" if anyone brings it up... But odds are, most people with kids would realize that this guy wasn't supposed to bring his kids and they're choked on your behalf, not at you.

Congratulations!

as for the kids, eh, what are you going to do? If it were your best friend or sister or something, I can see other guests thinking you might have given them special treatment, but a friend of the father of the groom? I expect everyone already realizes what really happened, or assumes there was some emergency situation that you just couldn't say no to at the last minute. I agree with ceph, let it be, and if anyone mentions it, just say you didn't know they were coming.

Ceph, I agree, now that you mention it. There's really no need to say you were irritated, as long as they know for sure that you had no prior knowledge of other kids coming.

If I were at wedding, I would assume that the FILs friend brought univited children. If there were any other guests that had specified asked if they could bring children, I would call them and make certain they were aware that you didnt have two sets of rules.