I don't know about any other state, but I went to mediation and got it ironed out there rather than go to court because there is no way the courts would have let me move out of state with my dd, and I have primary custody.

Besides, hurricane reconstruction will not be a permanant position, so they can't argue a "better life" scenerio. It's temporary at best, and it has the potential to disrupt the entire family for six months to a year... then what? The judge would probably, IMO, say that the Sdad should just go down on his own and, if he's making so much a week, he can afford the $400/week round trip airfare for himself to see his family. Lots of families commute like that.

Best of luck!!! I don't think they have a leg to stand on.

OOps, I don't think I was clear in my post.

Yes, BM's husband is going by himself for 6 months *temporarily* right now. BUT he has family in Houston and a job offer to stay on with this team of tileworkers. It's a friend of his that got him the temp. job but he wants him to stay on and join his construction company.

So basically BM and her husband are wanting to turn the "temporary" move into a permanent one.

Ohhhhh...

Do you and DH pay child support at all, or does BM?
How long have the kids attended their school?
Have you moved recently?

DH pays $234/month in child support. (Actually, he pays $500/month to the state, but BM only receives $234/month of that--the rest goes to pay back benefits she received.) This was just entered about 3 months ago. He and BM have been split up for almost 6 years, and have always shared custody, but just recently went to court to make it official.

Only one kid--SS---and he has attended his school just this year. He is in 1st grade. Last year, for K, he went to a private school that we paid for but BM didn't like it, and that's what started the whole court thing--she wanted him to go to the public school by her home and DH wanted him to either stay in private school or go to the school by OUR home.

We moved last spring---we bought a new house. First time DH had moved in 6+ years.

BM lives about 25 mins from us. She didn't live any closer before, though--when we moved, it was only by a few miles, and is actually a teeny tad closer to BM's house.

Gotcha. So you've been living close for the entire time he's been alive, always splitting child care, and (it sounds to me) that she's had a history of taking what didn't belong to her, ie benefits?

I really doubt they'd allow her to move. What state do you live in, or approx. how far is the town in Texas from where you are now? Where do his grandparents/family live, in other words, do you have a large network where you live?

Moving closer to BM's DH's family may be good for them, but it's not SS's family (yet, anyway). I think you're very smart, you don't think it will happen but you're covering your bases. I agree with you, I don't think a court would agree to moving him away from his dad if his dad has been active in his life since birth and provides a steady homelife.

It's really rotten to have to "ask" to see the kids for a period of time and be told no. I'm sorry you have to go through this! My DH has to ask to see his daughter, even though it's split custody because he still hasn't gone back to court to fight it, and the BM always gives him 1.5 days. And she's late dropping off and early picking up. And, they live 8 hours away. Growl. And the only time she lets her daughter call is when she wants to ask for money. Kid gets on the phone, talks, then hands phone to mom, who starts in with the gimmies...

I can't see how a mother/father could restrict a child from a loving parent. Can't they see the main person they're hurting is the child?

My ex-h and I share custody but I have primary custody. The holidays are all spelled out in the court docs, even valentines! But if he wants her for a holiday, I let her go because I see her all the time, and his schedule is not very flexible. She was gone for 2.5 months this summer. Did I want that? No. But he's her dad too, and he is genuinely making an effort to stay in her life, despite the he!! he put me through and the mistakes he made.

As a result of me being flexible, he is flexible, as is his family. We send her to one set of grandparents, and they drive her over to see the other side of the family who live close by. She benefits, we benefit, even though we don't want to live together anymore her family is pretty "unbroken".

Wow. It sounds like your situation works out very well. I totally agree, flexibility is key. I personally feel that my DH is very flex with his ex; if she ever needs to switch a night, or wants to go on vacation or anything at all, he is always accomodating. He is a pretty laidback guy and tries to keep things on an even keel--a good trait in many ways, but in other ways, not so good. He should have gone to court to establish/protect his rights right from the start with BM. :( He didn't and he got burned as a result. He always paid for everything for his son, all daycare expenses, and everything else that he needed---but BM was receiving benefits from the state, as well, without telling him--and she told the state she had her son in her care all the time and didn't know where his dad (my DH) was. GRRRRR. So now my DH is having to pay back a portion of the benefits she received.

Oh well. It's done. All he/we can do is go forward.

I am a little surprised that BM would want to move to Texas. We live in Missouri (it's a little less than a 2 hr plane ride to Houston, I believe) and BM's parents are here. She isn't THAT close to them, but close enough that I think it would be hard for SS to not see them often anymore.

I don't really think a court would allow her to move, either....but it just bothers me nonetheless. I don't like to even think about us having to fight THAT court battle. :(

I live in Houston and my DH is a general contractor with 20+ years experience, so I know a bit about laying tile down here.

So believe me when I say "There is No Way he's going to make $5,000 per week laying tile in Houston, TX." The labor market simply doesn't work that way down here! Please cut me some slack for saying something that won't be 'politically correct' but laying tile down here is most often work done by Hispanic immigrants who are, for the most part, undocumented. The going rate is about $3.00 - $4.00 per square foot, which is roughly HALF of what it costs in the northeast, and usually works out to around $10 per hour.

For work in tract houses or apartments, many construction foremen or busy tile contractors pick up day laborers from one of several well-known parking lots. The worker who speaks English gets to be 'the boss' (whether he knows tile or not - he'll say he does) and gets an extra doller or two per hour. Then the entire crew works their tails off to get the job done before heading back to their crowded little apartments. It's backbreakingly hard work for very little money.

I'm sure there's LOTS of construction work to be had in Houston now. But it's NOT highly paid.

Well....

Every state is different, but you are VERY smart to have a lawyer involved.

We are in Michigan, and my DH's ex WAS allowed to move...WITH the kids. They had 50/50 custody, and DH was a VERY involved dad. He contested her request for change of domicile and it was a very expensive court mess, with an outcome that was shocking to EVERYONE!

The deciding factor was that "the quality of the children's lives will improve", since mom's (then) soon-to-be-hubby, had accepted a job offer that was going to drastically increase his income. So...even though a step-parent's income can't be used to calculate child support, it is certainly used in judge's decisions about uprooting kids and moving them from a very loving, involved dad.

Because, of course we all know that a midlife crisis Corvette and a bigger house is certainly more important than having close, easy access to both parents everyday. (sarcasm intended).

Best of luck to you guys.