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disagreements before school

17 years ago

I am at work right now feeling so crummy. My sd was doing her mouthy preteen thing this morning and we got into an argument. I could tell she was upset when she left for the bus and I felt horrible too. Now I am sitting at work hoping that she is over our disagreement and not sitting in class stewing over it or crying in the bathroom to one of her friends.

I hate arguing with either of my girls but before school is the worst.

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Comments (5)

doodleboo
17 years ago
Yuck. I'm sorry you are having a cruddy morning. The girls are too young to really argue with just yet but I know if J and I argue first thing in the morning it totally trashes both of our days.

Maybe by the time she gets home you can talk it out and start the rest of the day off on a better foot.
kathline
17 years ago
If she has a cell phone, call her at lunch to say hello. Or show up and take her to Macdonalds or something.

I have a good friend who had the teen/mother fighting stuff going on in a big way. They argued constantly, often before school. One morning, they had a spat, and the daughter stormed out, saying I hate you to her mother, and mother being angry as hell.

When my friend got home from work that night, her daughter wasnt there. A few hours went by. My friend called all her daughters friends - no, she wasnt there. My friend thought her daughter might be avoiding coming home because of the fight.

At ten pm. the police knocked on the door. The daughter had been killed that afternoon, struck by a car while trying to cut across a busy highway to get to the mall.

My friend is left with the memory that the last thing her daughter ever said to her is I hate you, and that she was angry at her girl on the morning her girl died. My friend has never ever gotten over it, has fallen into deep depression. Her marriage ended partly because of her depression and guilt over what happened that morning. Its been more than a decade and my friend still cant forgive herself.

When angry words are spoken, sometimes just having lunch, or a quick phone call, can make all the difference in healing hurt. you never know when it ccould be the last chance you have to fix it. Take the girl for lunch. Call her. Dont let anger fester in either of you. The relationship is far more important than any transitory anger. Do it now.
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believer
17 years ago
Even when the kids and I are having a spat I try to throw in an "I love you anyway!" before we part ways.
serenity_now_2007
17 years ago
Kathline--

How very sad for your friend. I know what you mean ---and fully agree--- that we have to be careful with our words and try very hard not to say things we can never take back... But I so hope your friend can console herself with the realization that fights like that with a teenager are a normal phase, and that it wasn't either of their faults, and that surely they would have gone on to have a good loving relationship mostly free of fights after the teen years were over. It's of course very unfortunate that that fight had to be the last memory of her daughter, and I guess she'll never be able to get over that part 100%. She certaily will never be able to fully get over the loss of her daughter.... who could? But one of the most excruciating things about it ---besides the loss of her daughter herself--- would be her own self-blame, and that's what she needs to let go of.
ceph
17 years ago
Believer - that's a good system.
I like that little reminder, even when scrapping.

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