Houzz Logo Print

I can't take much more

16 years ago

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. he has a daughter 20, I have son 24. daughter 20 and son 19. when we first got married his daughter and my 2 younger kids were at home with us. Most of the time it was a war zone.

About 2 years ago his daughter moved out and my two followed a year later.

This past summer both girls plus the step-daughters 8mth old son moved back home and the war zone is back. If I say something about the step-daughter I'm picking on her because she belongs to another woman and no woman can except another womans child.

We have had money problems and are still fighting with social security for my husband. So both girls are paying rent and sometimes asked to help out with other things if needed. My daughter has always helped when needed, not his.The excuse I hear is she has a child to take care of or I'm just picking on her. If I say anything to her about money or why didn't you do dishes or take out the trash I end up in a fight with her dad. i can't take it anymore.

Comments (3)

  • sunnygardenerme
    16 years ago

    janflorio, I am going to give you my point of view. I lived with DH with 21 year old SD and 16 year old SS. It was a living hell. There was always something stressful happening. Bio mom was also attempting to cause trouble through the SKs. Things like coming to our house when we were out of town and watching movies on our big screen with the kids. Attempting to get out of paying for anything for her chidren. Having SS bring a large picture of her into our home and put in an area that all can see. SD bringing over bio mom's dog in our house for DH to play with. We don't even bring our own dog in our house. The list goes on and on. I would say as long as the kids are in the house there will be trouble. Is there anyway you can help them afford a apartment of their own? Or separate your house so they have more privacy. My stress dropped down when the SKs moved out. The SKs still on occasion attempt to cause friction in our marriage, but is less frequent so easier to handle. I wish you luck.

  • Vivian Kaufman
    16 years ago

    Time for these "children" to leave the nest. If they cannot peacefully and responsibly occupy YOUR home, then it's time for them to go.

    It kinda is that simple. "My house. My rules."

    If they don't like it, well, they're adults.....

  • sweetannie
    16 years ago

    My heart breaks for you. I've been married for a year and my husband's daughter (32) and son (37) hate me and shun us. They don't even know me. It's been so sad. Then recently, I said to my husband, "If I'd had to live in the same house with them, it would have been a nightmare! And your ex is in another state (and they don't speak to her, either), so I really have it very easy."

    What I'm hearing is that you need space from the stress. I do think the last entry is correct - it's time for the adult children to find their own homes - and change the locks, which I am in the process of doing, myself, because even though we don't live in the family home, the stepkids think they can walk in at any time! If there is no repect, they have no right being in the parental home. No matter what, it is always hard for adult women to share a home. And children do not become adults until they leave.

    I hope your husband will support you in this. I work in a coporate setting where a number of young women have children to raise alone, and they find all sorts of assistance, through the company and otherwise. Perhaps you could quietly research what's available for the daughter. In the process you might find out resources for yourself, as well.

    At the very least, you need to have some rest - a space of your own in the home. Chronic money problems are grinding. So many adult women in your home and your feeling disrespected is for crazy-making. You must have support from your husband with all of the women. You must work as a united team. We can't make people treat us with respect, but we can make them live with the repurcussions.