I think your daughter just needs time to adjust. You are happy because you are dating a wonderful man, she isn't. She doesn't have anything to be happy about. It's only two weeks into it, I think it is WAY too early to make judgement on her reactions.

She may warm up to him. My advice is to keep your daughter the focus of your world, let the new man play second fiddle to her. Make sure she knows that no man will ever take her mom away. Slowly make the adjustment WITH her...

I am happy you've found a wonderful man with great children. I think you can almost always judge a man by his children and way he interacts with them. The first time I saw my husband with his daughter I knew he was the man for me. The fact that he was a wonderful father let me know he'd be a wonderful husband.

Just give your daughter some time, be open and receptive to her emotions and let her ease into liking him and his daughters. She didn't pick this guy or his kids - you did. Remember that and be sensitive to her needs.

I don't know that a 15 year old who thinks the world revolves around her is always a good thing, but if that is what she is used to, then that is the way it should be. Don't let it change now, the new boyfriend will certainly get blamed for that, even if he had nothing to do with it.

Good luck with the new relationship, by the way!
~P

I am not sure how long a couple should date before they "even consider" introducing the new person to their children...but I am sure it must be much longer than two weeks. Otherwise, as divorced mom's and dad's re-enter the dating world, these children end up exposed to too many of dad's girlfriends or mom's boyfriends. IMO, it seems far healthier for people with children to really get to know someone, and establish a healthy relationship before they bring that person into their childrens life. Try to imagine yourself as a child and how you felt as a child...and now consider your mom or dad bringing their boyfriends or girlfriends home, and expecting you to be as excited about them as they are. Would be wierd...right? Take this for what it is worth...my parents just celebrated 50 years together, so I cannot imagine what it must be like for kids who have their mom or dad bringing their boyfriends or girlfriends home, and being expected to feel wonderful about it.

Yes Bruce, I did the same thing when I was dating and my daughter was young (she was 18 months when I "escaped" from my ex) so she was only about two years old and I felt she needed STABILITY - not a bunch of "first dates" coming through... She was too young to really understand but I didn't expose her to the guys I went out with until we had an established relationship. There were only two men she knew at all. Then when I met the man I married I knew right away he was "the one" he met my daughter after about two weeks and the three of us were together all of the time after that. Sometimes there were four of us (he has a daughter as well).

I think you made a very good point Bruce. I too never delt with this from the other side, as my parents just celebrated 41 years together last week! I did give it lots of thought and consideration when I became a single parent.

~P

Thank you for your responses. I had a little discusion with my daughter tonight. She usually has plans on the weekends with her friends and hasn't really gotten a chance to hang out with my boyfriend and his kids. I let her know that I too have a wonderful daughter and would like everyone to see that. Right now, she is a big mystery to the kids and I want them to get to know her. I reminded her what she was like at 6 and 11 years of age. It was a light hearted conversation and she told me not to worry. I just asked her to try and make an effort to get to know them. Because the kids have each other and do not know my daughter they tend to pay attention to each other. I did ask her to use her great pesonality to talk to them and make them feel comfortable. I will keep my fingers crossed. I know it cannot be forced, but I needed to let her know how important it is to me that she would at least try.

Why are you pushing this on your daughter, when you have only known this guy two weeks? I went back and re-read your post, because I thought perhaps I had misread the amount of time you have been dating him. "She usually has plans on the weekends, and hasn't really gotten a chance to hang out with my boyfriend and his kids. She is a big mystery to the kids, and I want them to get to know her". By reading your post, one would think that you have been dating him for awhile, ( as in several months) and she has been too busy with friends and her own life to meet them. But you have only been dating him for TWO WEEKS!!! Two Weeks!!! Sorry, I know it is not what you want to hear, but I am wondering why you and your new boyfriend are so quick to ignore the advice of child psychologists and wait a year before bringing each other into the lives of your children? I have no idea why a year is their magic number, but why are you pushing this on your children when you have only dated two weeks? Your daughter has already shared with you that she is not comfortable with this, and you are forcing her to do something she is not yet ready to do. I think you need to re-examine your own motives for pushing this on her before she is ready...two weeks...scheezze

I don't know if I agree with waiting one year. (I do believe the one year rule when it comes to dating after divorce) Maybe half of the reason why I am concerned is because my daughter is at the stage in life when I need to give her freedom to express herself but at the same time keep close ties with her. I just want her to make home life as much of a priority as her social life. It has always been just me and her, but now I am sharing some of my time with someone that I really like. That is not to say we do not spend time bonding. Yes, I am probably worring too much and these things take time. Thank you for the advice and I will relax a little and see what happens.

Bonilyn...wondering how you and your boyfriend and kids are doing.

I would agree with bnicebkind. I would not introduce myself to his kids or your kid to him. I refused to see my husbands kids until after 4 or 5 months. a year is long for me. But you see men get sooooooo excited but you need to be calm.
Unfortunately you have already met them and now your daughter is uncomfie. Dont push her into getting to know the girls...she may resent them. Relax...enjoy your time dating and dont shove it in your daughters face. Communicate openly with her, assure her that you dont love her anyless just because you are dating this man. His girls will never replace her as your special girl. She needs that.
I also strongly advise any couples that both have kids from previous relationship get a new house to begin their lives together. It becomes neutral ground for kids on both sides. So no resentment or territorial issues come at hand. You feel invaded when someone new comes into your home. Also your personal space. Let your daughter choose the time to get to know the girls. Do not push it. Its all new. Very new!!!