I can't be the only one that's noticed the seemingly biased attitudes of some of the bio mom's and adult step kids here, can I????
Of course, anyone that's been here for any length of time and is a SM has probably been insulted by one or the other. I'm not naming names. There's already been too much of that and I'm not trying to pick on anyone in particular. I'm sure we all have our own biases.
I am a biological mom to three grown kids. Yet, when I make a comment AS A BIOLOGICAL MOM, it pretty much gets disregarded because I am also a step mom. I've been a biological mom for 22 years. I've been a step mom for two years. I think I have more parenting experience than at least one of the bio mom's that posts here. (if years count) Of course being a step mom influences my opinions, just as the experiences of my life influence it. I have the experience of sending my son to a step mom as well.
I am also an adult step child. There are several of us adult stepchildren that are also step mom's now. (as well as bio-moms) When adult step children that may or may not be a parent or step parent... and obviously have had a bad experience as a step child or do not like their step parent... they are entitled to share their experiences and feelings from the perspective of stepchild. However, when those of us that are also adult step children and did have a good relationship with our step parent (to different degrees of closeness), we are reminded that we are the minority and our situations are 'unique' or otherwise minimize our experiences. Are we not allowed to share our good experiences without someone telling us that it doesn't count because there are statistics that say so? Because it's not the 'norm'!!!
Well, statistics say dad's don't get custody as much as mom's. So what? There are plenty of us that are married to dad's with custody so those statistics, real or not are meaningless to me. Just as the statistics that say I should not like my step mom and I should not consider her a parent are meaningless. Those statistics don't take into account that my mom is lacking as a mother and my step mom was better at helping me than my own mom. and if I get reminded one more time what the divorce rate for second marriages is, I might ask what the statistics are for first marriages??? Not much better than second marriages and yet, this is my first marriage, not my second. It's his second so is he at a higher risk for divorce than I am??????? Ridiculous. Meaningless to me since I am happily in my marriage. If I cared about the statistics.. if anyone did, we all probably would not get married. We all believe it's going to last forever and if you don't feel that way going into it, why bother? The ones that remind us about those statistics are now a part of the statistics themselves... Why do they remind us? maybe to minimize the importance of our marriages because they are so bitter theirs didn't work out. It's really quite sad.
I'm sorry that not all first marriages didn't work out. I'm sorry kids have to go through a divorce or live in separate homes. I'm sorry there are parents in the world that lack parenting skills, abilities or desire to be a parent. I'm sorry some parents have a problem with someone other than them, loving their kids and doing things for their kids. I'm sorry not all step parents love their step kids. I'm sorry some parents will marry someone that doesn't like kids (or just their stepkids). I'm sorry some parents cheat and break up a family. I'm sorry ex wives have to see the woman that cheated with her husband, now living as his wife or SO. I'm sorry some mothers cut their kids off from dad because he lives with his mistress. I'm sorry some dads (and moms) don't see their kids like they should. (or pay support like they should). I'm sorry kids are getting hurt.
But, we are all entitled to have an opinion and I didn't change my entire belief system the day I got married two years ago. My kids were 16, 17 & 19. I had been a parent to them all those years and if anything, my views as a step parent have come from my experience in raising my own kids. It's insulting to say the least, when someone starts spouting off statistics to prove their point when they have never been in the situation for which they are trying to make an argument. Statistics are probabilities. They are not a polling of everyone in that situation. It's ridiculous to use them to take a stance on a subject that you have none (or limited) experience in.
nivea
silversword
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