Disengage. Send his partly done homework to the teacher and let mom take her copy. The more you engage with this woman, the more miserable you will be. If she lives 5 houses away, you and hubby can take a stroll after dinner and drop off the paper to their son.

Taking off work to go on a field trip should not be looked at as doing bio mom a favor, you did it for your stepson. Hopefully, he will remember that you went on field trips when he gets older. Same thing with picking him up, hopefully he will remember the little things you do. As he gets older, he will make his own opinion on his mom. He will likely always love her but he may realize she is whatever she might be. (ie. lazy, inconsistent, a liar, undependable, etc.)

It's also normal for them to miss one parent when they are with the other. Some parents will play on that and use it to try cutting down the other parents time by saying 'my kid needs me, he's sad without me.' but the reality is that he might feel like his parents are sad when he's not there so it makes him sad.

If I were you I would not be rearranging my schedule for BM. When she has her son she should be the one rearranging her schedule to pick him up from school etc. When you and dh have him then you two are responsible for him and rearranging your schedule.

When it comes to field trips that was for him and I am sure he loved having you there. If bm asks for something you can not do then just say "sorry, I wish I could help but I can not". Leave it at that.

And how did you end up living so close to bm?

mom2emall
I have had my home for 16 years, unfortunately she lives with her parents which happen to live 5 houses from me... My home is where my own children have grown up and I refuse to move. Is that wrong? My kids are older and have gone to the same school ss goes to., and all the teachers know me and I have always volunteered so i end up at school in my free time... I realize kids say things especially when they have a bitter parent.BM.. BM and hubby just got back from boyscouts and she asked him again to leave me and work things out with her.. Did I mention she cheated and had another mans child and thats why they divorced..

I have tried very hard to get along with BM for the sake of SS and have even gone as far as to have her over for dinner, we have taken her out to dinner, hell I even made thanksgiving dinner and since she is a nurse she had to work so I made her a plate of food and my husband took their son 40 minutes to her work so she could have dinner with her son...

WHAT MORE CAN I DO>>>

"Last night when Bio mom called to say good night their son said he was sad when he was with daddy because he missed her and when he is with her hes sad cuz he misses daddy, and that he wished they would get back together so that he could be happy.."

It generally takes a long time to recover from divorce, for both the adults and the children. You said in another thread that you only divorced two years ago, but you have been remarried almost a year. Your husband must have been divorced an even shorter period of time, if he was still just separated when you met him, and assuming that your relationship did not start until after your divorce. So within less than a year after his parents divorced, the boy's father remarried - that is not nearly long enough for either the father and more importantly the child, to recover.

You are a good person, and you are a good parent and don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. This is about the role, not you.

Participate in activities with stepson because you enjoy children, and he is a little one who needs some help from a caring adult, not because you are looking for recognition for your good parenting skills.

Your husband can't expect you to just step in assume his Ex's mothering rights and responsibilities. In my view much of the power struggle that goes on between BM and SM is caused by males treating their wives? like replacable commodities. When the old one runs out, you just chuck her out and go and get yourself another one. The next wife is plunked into the role of stepmother and then expected to perform mothering duties at a similar or higher level of competence than BM which is a vicious circle isn't it. That smug attitude demonstrates enormous contempt for the uniqueness of mothers. Husband then also wrongly believes that he has tended to his parenting responsibilities. After all he is doing exactly what he did while married to first wife. Worked most of the time, provided money for a good living, and left most of the parenting up to the female in the house. Motherhood has never been understood by men.

BM, humiliated and angered, naturally so, by her ex's complete disregard for her position as mother puts up every roadblock possible for SM. When men do this to women it is hateful, narcissistic and arrogant and demonstrates a deep disregard...fear? for motherhood, women and children.

Don't fall into this trap. Look after SS because you like kids, accept that BM may not be as enlightened as you and will continue to feel threatened by you, respect that she is the BM and don't assume rights and responsibilities that are not yours.

PS: Your husband should have consulted with the child's mother before taking their son to counselling. That should have been a decision made by them both.

colleen777

My husband did consult with BM before taking him to counseling she knew all about it.. And she was the one who made more money in the relationship... Being a mom just comes naturally to me, so when I see something that needs to be done I just do it, I have tried to include BM in everything... I make copies of all school forms and work that comes home on when we have my SS. She is a self centered bitter person... Its always about her not the child... My husband is the one who takes his son to the doctor, dentist, even if shes not at work she still doesnt go... My SS had a wart on his arm and on his toe, so My husband made a appointment for the dermotaligist and BM laughed at him and said he was crazy... Well the doctor removed them and sent one off to the lab because he said it looked suspicious.

We did get married a little soon but we had our reasons... I look back now and wish we had of waited because all of this drama started as soon as she found out we were getting married.. But I have 2 teenage daughters which adore my new husband, and I did not want to just live with someone. And my SS adores me he tells me all the time that he loves me. Its the BM who cant seem to let go, even though she had an affair while they were married, and had another mans baby...

"The more you engage with this woman, the more miserable you will be."

Agreed!!

Let her be crazy and live like that. Do not buy into to her crap. She is trying to put a wedge between you and dh and probably ss. Let her live her life like that. Take care of that little boy, love your family, and have fun. It is easier said than done I realize this, but don't let her misery run your life. Good luck!!

I think Colleen is absolutely right (and we don't often agree). I think it is also partially the fault of the SM's, because if they didn't let their husbands get away with treating wives like replaceable commodities, they wouldn't be able to do so.

What difference does it make that his exW made more money? It doesn't make her any less a mother. It doesn't matter how "naturally" being a mom comes to you - you aren't the boy's mother. It is not your role to see something that needs to be done and do it, when it involves the boy.

When you say that your husband "consulted" with his exW about counseling - did he actually consult, as in make a decision jointly, or did he merely inform her that he was taking the boy to counseling?

Now TOS, I don't think it's your place to say what is or isn't someone else's role. If the kid was hungry and she saw it, should she not feed him? Let's not get into those blanket statement issues again . . .

"Being a mom just comes naturally to me, so when I see something that needs to be done I just do it, I have tried to include BM in everything..."

I think she was specifically referring to acting in a maternal role in this sentence. From previous posts, it is clear that the mother is objecting to whatever she is doing, so I will stand by my opinion that she is overstepping.

Feeding a hungry child has nothing to do with being a mother. You would feed your neighbor's kid if they were at your house and hungry. So, presumably, would your husband or any adult who was temporarily in charge of watching them.

Should she help with home work? Wash clothes? I don't do these things for the neighbors, but view them as 'maternal.'

We don't know exactly what she is doing to upset mom. Without knowing mom, we can't say that SM making a PB&J sandwich for the child doesn't upset mom. We can't say that SM went and cut the child's hair w/o consulting mom. So because we don't have all the facts, blanket statements just get people's hackles up. Mission accomplished?

So far, we know:

1) She volunteers at the boy's school, even though he has an involved mother

2) She sees nothing wrong with her husband taking the child to counseling against the mother's wishes

3) She doesn't realize that it is normal for the boy to say, "he was sad when he was with daddy because he missed her and when he is with her hes sad cuz he misses daddy, and that he wished they would get back together so that he could be happy.."

4) She complains because the mother asked her to pick the son up at school when she was running late (which is definitely something I HAVE done for a friend/neighbor), which is at odds with the statement about seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.

5) She apparently started dating the father before he was divorced, rushed into marriage, and does not seem to grasp the magnitude of the impact of turning the little boy's life upside down so quickly.

6) There is something a little "off" about this sentence, "Being a mom just comes naturally to me, so when I see something that needs to be done I just do it, I have tried to include BM in everything..." It is not her role to "include the BM in everything" - the mother is, or should be, included in everything by default; it is not a choice that the SM can make.

7)Why is she so opposed and apparently defensive about the fact that the mother had another man's child. The OP mentioned it twice on this thread and I believe at least once on another thread. The immoral part is that the mother had an affair; getting pregnant and deciding to carry to term isn't any more immoral.

Typo - I meant "obsessed," not "opposed" in that last sentence.

I too am not understanding what the BM's career choice/Having a child and whether or not she cheated on OP's DH has to do with the issues either but it's mentioned several times..

Let's focus here-What exactly is the OP's question/point? I'm not understanding the problem? So she asked you to pick the kid up for her, it's either yes or no, leave it there. Why the drama?

If Dad decides to take the child to counseling and BM has a problem that is really between Dad & BM, why is this upsetting you?

Think I'm missing something here.

~Cat

According to tos, these are all damning indictments of the OP:

1) She volunteers at the boy's school, even though he has an involved mother
So what? OP also says her children attended this school and she has volunteered there for years. I myself was a volunteer at schools before I had children in school, in fact before I even thought of having children. Schools need as many volunteers as they can get, IMO.

2) She sees nothing wrong with her husband taking the child to counseling against the mother's wishes
As far a I'm concerned neither BP has a veto on health issues. If the child needs counselling, should he be left in his unhappiness because it "pisses BM off"?

3) She doesn't realize that it is normal for the boy to say, "he was sad when he was with daddy because he missed her and when he is with her hes sad cuz he misses daddy, and that he wished they would get back together so that he could be happy.."
I think she does realise this, and has cited it as an example of why he needs counselling to help him work through these feelings instead of stewing about them.

4) She complains because the mother asked her to pick the son up at school when she was running late (which is definitely something I HAVE done for a friend/neighbor), which is at odds with the statement about seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
I didn't read that as a complaint so much as "She asks me to do all this stuff and I do, but she still treats me like the scum of the earth."

5) She apparently started dating the father before he was divorced, rushed into marriage, and does not seem to grasp the magnitude of the impact of turning the little boy's life upside down so quickly.
Well, I agree the OP was offside on this, but the deed has been done so better to work on fixing the problem than standing around apportioning blame.

6) There is something a little "off" about this sentence, "Being a mom just comes naturally to me, so when I see something that needs to be done I just do it, I have tried to include BM in everything..." It is not her role to "include the BM in everything" - the mother is, or should be, included in everything by default; it is not a choice that the SM can make.
I interpreted her remark about "including the BM in everything" as in making copies and passing on all the info that comes home from school etc. I imagine a lot of SMs and BMs don't accord each other this courtesy and it sounds like the BM doesn't reciprocate well. She also says she made a Thanksgiving meal for BM and her son which I think is above and beyond.

7)Why is she so opposed and apparently defensive about the fact that the mother had another man's child. The OP mentioned it twice on this thread and I believe at least once on another thread. The immoral part is that the mother had an affair; getting pregnant and deciding to carry to term isn't any more immoral.
Well, I see it that the presence of the OMC is a concrete reminder of the BM's affair, and one that many men can't handle. Maybe they could forgive if not forget if there was no child, but I think having the child there is always going to make it very difficult. I think OP cites this when she says that yet again BM asks DH to dump OP and come back to her, as a major reason why that's not going to happen.

OP, as others, I think your best bet is to disengage. Be nice to SS and treat him as you would if you were the kindly babysitter. With luck he will eventually make up his own mind in your favour. Ignore BM, don't make her holiday meals, let her sort out her own transport issues etc. Be civil but treat her as an acquaintance you have to deal with.

"I think OP cites this when she says that yet again BM asks DH to dump OP and come back to her, as a major reason why that's not going to happen."

I think if the OP has reason to believe that without that "major reason" her husband might actually go back to his exW, her marriage is in major trouble. I can see why the presence of a child by another man might be disturbing to the OP's husband (though it is clearly not the child's fault, and he or she should never be made to feel that it is), I don't see why it is important to the OP.

I could be totally off base, but my first thought upon reading that for the third time was that the OP was acting very defensive for some reason - such as maybe SHE cheated on her husband, but in her opinion, it was not so bad because at least she didn't get pregnant.

My exH did something similar - at one point while we were separated but not yet divorced he said something disparaging about a relative who got pregnant with another man's baby while separated from her husband. It didn't seem to dawn on him that there but for the grace of God (and a vasectomy and an OW who was well past childbearing age) went he - and on top of that, we were not separated when he began his affair.

OK PEOPLE

The only reason why I volunteer at my ss school is the teacher asks me to... and my ss loves it when i am there...
I make his lunch for school on the days we have him, because he asks me to...

BM wants her ex back and thats why she is bitter...

My husband takes his son for haircuts.. thats not my job....
My SS had 8 cavities in his mouth and his mother did not take him to the dentist so my husband did....
BM is not involved unless she thinks I am....

and the BM is the one who turned their sons life upside down by having an affair and getting pregnant with another mans baby....

What I meant was when SS is when us If hes sick dad takes off of work and takes him to the doctor.. BM has never taken off work for her son. And yes by including BM in everything I make copies of all documents medical and school for her...

THE REASON WHY I MENTIONED THE MOTHER HAD ANOTHER MANS BABY WHILE MARRIED IS BECAUSE SHE STILL WANTS HER EX BACK, AND YES SHE TELLS HIM ALL THE TIME... THE ONLY REASON WHY I SAID SOMETHING ABOUT PICKING UP MY SS ON HER DAY IS BECAUSE SHE TRIES TO SAY I AM OVERRIDING HER (WHICH I WOULD NEVER DO) I LET BM AND EX HAVE THEIR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THEIR SON AND I DO NOT BUT IN.....EVERY DECISION THAT IS MADE FOR THEIR SON IS BETWEEN THEM NOT ME.... SHE AGREED HE NEEDED TO GO TO COUNCELING SHE IS NOT EXACTLY A GREAT MOTHER

Here you say she agreed to have her son see a counselor - but in your first post you said, "Bio dad is taking their son to a counselor and she is pissed off."

I don't see what asking you to pick him up on her day when she was running late has to do with whether or not you are overriding her. I have asked many different people to give my kids a ride - you would seem like a logical choice as a neighbor who obviously knows the child.

I still don't understand what the fact that she had a baby has to do with anything.

Why is it so surprising that someone would have an affair that apparently is over and then want to reconcile? That happens a lot.

It seems to me that a lot of the conflict is due to the fact that the father got involved with someone before he was divorced and then quickly remarried to someone who hadn't been divorced very long either. No one involved had anywhere near enough time to heal, to adjust, or in the case of the child's father and mother, to explore the possibility of reconciliation.

she is pissed off about the counselor but her family thinks its necessary so she agreed.

I dont mind picking up ss... But BM says I need to let her do more, but then she never does... so at the last minute I am always doing something for her.... She just likes to piss me off....

She truely believes ( and it may be true) that if she didnt get pregnant they would still be together, SO SHES BITTER

I know it is I LEt MY EX GET AWAY WITH IT>>> AND WERE FRIENDS BECAUSE ITS WHATS BEST FOR OUR KIDS...

oNE MORE THING... after they seperated she had a live in boyfriend (not the babies father) 2 months before I met my husband..... and then 2 weeks after the baby was born moved in with the babies father

so lets see she was married screwing a married man then both men left her and she moved in with a different man, then right after the baby was born she moved in with the babies father, things did not work out so two months later she moved in with her mother 5 houses from mine, and everytime bm and dad go somewhere for their son, she asks im to forgive him and that SHE JUST CANT LET GO.... AND THAT SHE STILL LOVES HIM.... SHE CHEATED SEVERAL OTHER TIMES ALSO AND YES HE CHEATED TOO. THEY BOTH WERE ASSES...
ONLY HE DID IT ONCE ) NOT RIGHT) BUT SHE KEPT ON DOING IT, AND NOW SHES SORRY IVE SEEN THE TEXT MESSAGES GIVE ME A BREAK....

Just ignore TOS, cat, she's being deliberately obtuse.

Why would you want to marry a guy who had 1)cheated on his wife and 2) whose wife wanted to reconcile?

Were they still married when the baby was born? Isn't your current husband legally the baby's father? In my state, you can't divorce while the wife is pregnant.

TOS ; "WHY Would You want to marry a gauy that 1) cheated on his wife and 2) whose wife wanted to reconcile ?

Why (you have said many time on this forum) you would like 1)your cheater, lying ex-husband back, that 2) has been living for 7 (or 9, I don't remember) years happily married with TOW ?

TOS can you read.... SHE WAS LIVING WITH ANOTHER MAN WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND, WOULD YOU WANT TO GET BACK WITH HER...

I AM WITH MY HUSBAND EVEN THOUGH HE CHEATED ON HER (5 YEARS BEFORE THEY HAD A CHILD) NOT RIGHT BUT STILL.... BECAUSE 1) I LOVE HIM AND HIS SON 2) BECAUSE EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE AND 3) THE SEX IS AWESOME....

SHE CAN WANT HIM BACK ALL SHE WANTS SHES HAD SEVERAL CHANCES AND BOYFRIENDS HER PROBLEM IS SHE CANT KEEP ONE BECAUSE SHE LIES ALL THE TIME AND SHE USES HER SON AS A PAWN.... DID I MENTIONED SHE IS BITTER....

THE BABY IS AN ISSUE... BECAUSE YES IF SHE DID NOT HAVE ANOTHER MANS BABY IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THEY COULD HAVE RECONCILED BUT HAVING ANOTHERS MANS BABY WHILE THEY WERE MARRIED AND THE WHOLE TIME SHE TOLD HIM IT WAS HIS SO HE PAID FOR EVERYTHING (ANOTHER LIE) FOR ANOTHER MANS CHILD TO BE BORN... AND YES THEY WERE LEGALLY MARRIED WHEN THE BABY WAS BORN.... SHE HAD THE OTHER GUY TAKE THE DNA TEST NOT MY HUSBAND... THERE IS NOWAY IN HELL I WOULD COME BETWEEN 2 PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEIR CHILDREN... BUT MY HUSBAND DOESNT LOVE HER ANYMORE... SHE HURT HIM...ALL HE WANTS IS TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER FOR THEIR SON...

SHE CANT LET GO,,, HOW IS THAT MY FAULT???????????????

I think that the boy's father and mother deserve each other.

If he cheated first, he really doesn't have a leg to stand on if he is criticizing his exW. Revenge affairs are very common. Two wrongs don't make right, but then he got involved with you while still married, so both of them have done plenty of things wrong.

I do not understand why anyone would voluntarily enter into a relationship with a cheater. And why did you choose to allow all that drama into your life? Numbers 1) and 3) of your reasons certainly didn't come into play the moment you met him.

How would his wife have possibly known that it was not her husband's child until the DNA test after the child was born? The only way she could have known would have been if she and her husband had not been having sex around the time of conception - but her husband would have known that too.

If they were married, and he was the subscriber on the insurance, of course his insurance would pay for the prenatal care and delivery.
You say that it is possible they could have reconciled had she not become pregnant - so the reason your H "doesn't love her anymore" and the reason she "hurt him" is not because she had an affair but because the affair resulted in a baby?

TOS

FIRST SHE GOT PREGNANT ON OR ABOUT THE TIME HE MOVED OUT AND HE SAID HE KNEW IT WASNT HIS BECAUSE HE DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER... AND WHEN I MET HIM SHE WAS LIVING WITH A MAN SO HOW WOULD I HAVE KNOWN SHE WAS GOING TO BE THIS WAY.... I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING TO HER, IM NOT THE REASON WHY THERE MARRIAGE BROKE UP.... WHAT I MEANT ABOUT THEM BEING TOGETHER IF SHE HADNT OF GOTTEN PREGNANT IS.... SHE HAD DONE THIS SEVERAL TIMES AND HE ALWAYS TOOK HER BACK... MAYBE JUST FOR THEIR SON MAYBE NOT.... BUT HE IS A GREAT DAD AND SHES NOT SUCH A GREAT MOM...

I TOLD HIM FROM THE BEGINNING THAT I CANT STAND PEOPLE WHO CHEAT BECAUSE NOT ONLY ARE THEY CHEATING ON THEIR SPOUSE BUT THEY ARE DOING IT TO THEIR KIDS ALSO... AND HE SAID HE CHEATED ONE TIME (YES I KNOW NOT RIGHT) BUT THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO AND SHE HAS CONTINUED TO KEEP DOING IT... OH DID I MENTION THE GIRL HE CHEATED WITH SHE BROUGHT HOME SEVERAL TIMES FOR A THREESOME....

I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO PEOPLE AND GET THEIR OPINIONS ON WHAT I CAN DO TO DEAL WITH SUCH A BITTER PERSON, BUT INSTEAD YOU WANT TO BLAME ME... WHATS UP WITH THAT....

Why are you yelling cat? All capital letters are harder to read than upper and lower case. No need to yell!

I never wanted to or even tried to blame you. When I said what I said that is a result of a patriarchial society fed by both men and women. And primarily supported by women because of their real or perceived powerlessness and belief that the only power they have is to produce the offspring of the species.

She, mom, is a woman, a mother. It doesn't matter how immoral she seems to be to you, it just doesn't matter.

He isn't going to return to her, but IF he does, honestly there is nothing you can do about it. I am saying in the meantime you protect and love yourself. Don't take on his trials or his job.

You are a good person and a good parent and don't let anyone else try to convince you otherwise.

I am a very fair person, and I was referring to TOS and her comments... Believe me I am not worried about him going back to her (secretly sometimes I wish he would) because I know I am a way better person... My problem is why does she have to play all of these games and have no consideration for her son...

All I want to do is live my life drama free and she has stated several times that she cant let go....

"She, mom, is a woman, a mother. It doesn't matter how immoral she seems to be to you, it just doesn't matter"

Exactly, didn't mean to sound unsupportive. I understand your frustration, believe me. I just wasn't getting what her being a nurse and having another mans child had to do with the issue at hand. I don't think either of those things have anything to do with what you are going through?

I agree just protect yourself and try to stay out of the drama. Let DH take care of all dealings with her regarding their children. You don't have to take that on and hopefully you will experiene some relief from a very stressful situation. If your marraige is strong you have no worries regarding her wanting him back. If your DH mentions she says that to him again I would tell him you just don't want to hear about it again-period. It's upsetting why put yourself through it.

~Cat

Ok, so he knew the baby couldn't be his, but he "paid for everything" because she told him the baby was his. Did he or did he not know the baby was not his?

I think that you shouldn't believe everything you are told.

TOS

He sid he knew the baby wasnt his.., but she kept insisting that she was further long than she actually was... (8 weeks) So she told him that he had to keep the health insurance on her and that a DNA test would prove to be his.... She also told him that she would pay him back if the child wasnt his.. She is refusing to do that...

I told him that if the baby turned out to be his that I would not be with him anymore and that he needed to work things out because now there were 2 kids....

The baby was not his.... So we stayed together and we are happy when were not dealing with her crap.... His son adores me and my kids adore him...

I know people get divorced and remarried all the time, but you have to have both people willing to do that...

I feel sorry for her, she lives her life as a bitter person seeking revenge through their son because of choices that SHE made... Im sure my husband did not tell her to go have an affair and everything would be fine... oh wait a minute he did tell her to change her cell phone number and get off of the computer (thats where she met these guys) and that they could go to counceling and SE said that wasnt necessary So they went away for the weekend to see if anything was there to work on and he lover called several times so when they got back he moved out.....

2 months later her married lover boy dumped her because she was cheating on him then the new guy moved in.... 2 weeks after the baby was born.... the new guy moved out and the babies father took the DNA test... then they moved in together.... that lasted 3 months and she was talking to another guy and he was cheating on her (yes babies daddy is still married to his wife) meanwhile the saga continues.

She now lives with her parents whom are older, her mom takes care of the baby 24/7 hes now 18 months or more and she does nothing except start trouble because she is unhappy with her choices that she has made...

If they were married but separated he wouldn't have had the option of dropping the health insurance on her. What would she have to pay him back for, if she were insured under his plan? Usually insurance covers the vast majority of maternity-related expenses.

How exactly do you know all these details about her relationships with other men?

You started dating a guy whose wife was pregnant with a child that was quite possibly his, and you thought you could avoid drama?

He's been married to you almost a year, yet the child is only 18 months, and you can't divorce in most states while your wife is pregnant. Assuming he ran to the altar before the ink was dry on his divorce decree, that still means he somehow managed to work out all the custody/child support arrangements for what must have been a very messy and complicated divorce in about six months, including the waiting period after the divorce was granted. Generally when there are children, it takes a lot longer than that to divorce.

She had it added in the divorce decree that if the baby was not his she would reimburse him for his cost for her.... Her income in the household was the only reason why they could afford health insurance...

She told me plus everyone knows, there was more than I stated. She asked me to set her up with a friend of mine.. (he thanks me every day for not trying)

The Divorce took 2 months he filed as soon as the child was born and then it was final 61 days later... They agreed on everything until her relationship with the babies father didnt work out then she started on me....

Believe me if I had it to do all over again I would of waited to get married but not for her for ME!!!!!!!!!

If you have children, you can't afford not to have health insurance.

Here is a question for you TOS, why are you mean to people who come here to vent? Even if you do not agree do you really feel it necessary to tear people limb from limb and insult them when all they are looking for is a place to vent? I can understand posting an arguement, but you go WAY out of your way to just be plain spiteful. Get a grip!

I am not being mean. This woman started dating a guy who not only was still married but whose wife was pregnant - and it could have been his child. You are either married or you are not, just as you can not be a little bit pregnant. By her very presence, she has interfered with any possibility of reconciliation. All three people in this triangle have done a number of really stupid and immoral things, but an intact family is the best thing for the little boy. Her dating a married man and then rushing into marriage with him can not be a good thing for anybody, including herself and her children.

ER TOS, there is no such thing as an intact family anymore since the mother chose to have a child from another man from a sexual affair while still married. In reality this is not a triangle, but a very complex quadrangle at the bare minimum. Either way, one of these boys is going to be without their dad on a full time basis. So, you tell me, which one and why.

And if you are in a particularly generous mood who is to blame or more to blame or however you want to quantify the situation?

TOS first of all my daughters and my ex husband do not have a problem... and living with a man is not what I wanted to do... So WE got married... I did not stop them from saving their marriage her inability to keep her legs closed did that for her.... And as I told you before she tried to tell him that she was further along than she was to try and keep him... Because every other guy left her she now wants him back... only because he is happy... and she is not... DID YOU NOT READ THE PART WHERE SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN.... DID SHE CARE ABOUT KEEPING HER FAMILY INTACT THEN... OR SHOULD IT BE WHEN SHES READY.... ITS HER FAULT NOT MINE....

TOS are you a bitter ex to?????

Cat38,

you shouldn't be in a situation where your husband is constantly being hit on by another woman. It's completely disrespectful of you and your marriage. How would he feel if one of your neighbours were constantly hitting on you? Would he want you to spend any time alone with this person? Of course not.

You need to set some boundaries. You husband should avoid as much contact as possible with this woman. They shouldn't both attend activities like boy scouts. Schedule separate parent/teacher interviews - and then you attend with your husband. Avoid all phone conversations - email works just fine.

From the sounds of this woman's history, if her husband cuts off the contact, she'll go sniffing around for action elsewhere.

Why in the world would anyone who dates a married man expect that he would be faithful to her???

In any event, if my X ever tried to bring anyone wiht him to a parent/teacher interview, I would tell the school third parties are not allowed in conferences. If Xs SO wants to come to public evernts, fine. But for the Nth time, absent unusaual situations, parent teacher conferences, like actually meeting with doctors -- NO.

Why would your ex husbands be faithful to you??? Unreally enough you and TOS still don't get it that the first parties involved, were is fact your EX husbands.

You girls crack me up:D

I do not go to school meetings (its not my place to do so).. my husband cant stand being in the same room with her but guess what its not about him or her its about their son so he sucks it up and does what he is supposed to do as a father....

I keep my distance when it comes to their son.... Unless it involves me Im out of it....

If my husband is not faithful to me than I will deal with that at that point( i told him if I found out he cheated on me he would know because his clothes would be burning in MY front yard.... My exhusband and I have a very good relationship as to our kids... We realized that we were better off as friends instead of fighting all the time....

NOBODY ELSE WANTS HER>>>> SHE HAS ISSUES>>>>>>

I only came into this forum to vent and see if anyone else had similar problems....

Excuse me, Colleen, my X had an affair WHILE we were married (I think TOSs might also have) and now is having relationship other than with his SO. What a shock.

I am glad to hear that you don't attend school conferences.

If a person couldn't trust her husband to be in the same room as his ex-spouse during a school conference unless she were present to surpervise, their marriage would be in real trouble. I would think most men (and women) would resent being kept on such a short leash - and rightly so.

I am not jealous a bit... I have no reason to be... And My husband does not interfere with my ex and I doing our thing with our daughters....

I am there for my husband when he needs me but doctors and teachers are not my responsability its theirs....

I have no problem with Bio mom and dad being together with their son for him.... If I had a problem with that It would make me a bad person and I am all for the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD NOT ME.....

When people have affairs they need to think about what it does to the kids.... AND PEOPLE NEED TO REALIZE THAT THEY DIVORCED EACH OTHER NOT THEIR CHILDREN.... Affairs are for selfish people.....