Strange turn of events

18 years ago

I had posted on another thread a few weeks ago that the kid giving me the most trouble is not one of my skids but one of my biokids. I didn't go into detail but long story short: A nice, pretty, compassionate,giving, 18 year old girl gets involved with a family that has a history of abuse, drugs, gang connections, theft, etc.....She thinks she can help them and possibly change them. They sold all of her posessions for drugs, he beat her, they treated her like she was the maid, and wanted her to beg HER family for money so that she could turn around and give it to them. In the meantime her family that loves her are treated as strangers and I no longer recognized my daughter. It was as if I was mourning the my girl that had once been...Who is going to help her? She doesn't trust us anymore for some reason. WE are the bad people. The person that has saved her (at least temporarily) is her bio dad that gave up rights of her and her two brothers when she was five. The last time she even saw him was 6 years ago. I never talked to him prior to this and it was as if I never thought of him as her dad. Afterall, it isn't making a baby that is the hard part, it is the next 18 years that is hard.

I find it ironic that the person who comes along to "save" her is the same person that walked out of her life and gave up rights and the people that loved and raised her for 18 years were useless to her. Don't get me wrong. I love ALL (step and bio) of my children and would do anything for them. I didn't enjoy talking to him again and at this point I don't want my sons involved with him and they don't care to be involved with him at this time. However, it means the safety of my daughter and any place or anybody else is better than where she was at. Maybe he has changed. I am not totally convinced as yet. I wasn't planning on him coming back. My DH is wonderful about it and loves my daughter enough to welcome him (her bio dad) in her life. It's about the kids not us. We can sleep better now.

I guess my point to sharing this story is a few things.

We never know who it is that can make a difference in our childrens lives. In this case it happened to be a bio dad that had disappeared. Sometimes it is a teacher, grand parent, and even a step parent to name a few. I am of course talking besides the parents.

This gives me hope that things may not always stay the same. I have always wanted for my skids bio mom to realize that her kids are not in her life to use as pawns or to hurt others and that they deserve more than what she gives them. Maybe she will come around as my ex did, I never thought he would help my daughter and I am happy he did. At least I have hope now.

It truly is all about the kids. It is easy to say that but when it comes down to it how far will we go for our kids? I had never been tested so much before. I always knew I would do anything or at least I said I would but now I had to. I would give my life. She told me one day that I was putting my life in danger by messing with them (why couldn't she see she was doing that to herself also?) and I looked at her and said, "That's how much I love you". I don't think she can comprehend that love yet. How could she when she doesn't have a child?

I pray that no matter what situation we are in we can all remember that it is all about the kids and sometimes we have to say and do things that we don't like but that is part of being a parent. A parent, the hardest job in the world. I am reminding myself of this as much as anybody who may read this.

God Bless!

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sweeby
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You know, I think sometimes we do our kids a disservice by shielding them from bad influences and shady characters. I mean, how are they supposed to recognize them when they see them if they've never actually seen them? And how can they judge irresponsible behavior critically (I don't mean condemn -- I mean evaluate it properly) if they've never seen it or seen the consequences?

I can see why your daughter won't consider your input -- She's heard it all her life and can recite it from memory. And if she's at that age where everything you do or say is wrong -- well then, it's just plain wrong. Her dad has no such track record. In fact, he's coming into this as a pretty much neutral observer -- though we certainly hope and expect he has your daughter's best interests at heart.

You know it's funny -- When my son went to live with his father, his father, who had never once enforced an unpopular rule, suddenly turned into a harda$$! Problems that were "figments of my imagination" when I had discussed them with him suddenly appeared and were real. And the "perfect little angel" that he had always seen was now visiting at my house! Truth is stranger than fiction.

I'll cross my fingers and hope for the best for your daughter. Hopefully her common sense, good training, and a little grounding from BioDad will bring her around soon.
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Strange turn of events

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sweeby

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