I would wait a little while and let things cool off and then I would try to talk with the mother again or perhaps write a letter to her. I would let it cool down for a while though. I'll be praying for you. People make mistakes. I'm not going to make any judgement calls here. Like I said...I'll be praying for you.

Thank you for your heartfelt reply,
I was going to let time pass. I really miss the special bond Ashly and i have. Not to mention our little grand baby.
Thank you for your prayers.
have a wonderful week.

"what did i do wrong and how do i fix this?"

Wrong:
1 - You shouldn't have given the baby pudding to eat;
2 - As soon as you saw the baby wasn't tolerating it, you should have told the mother about it;
3 - As soon as you knew you were 'busted', you should have called the mother and apologized.
4 - When she called you to ask about it, you should not have ducked her calls.

How to fix it:
- Call Mom and tell her: "I am an idiot. Please forgive me. I thought it would be OK, but clearly it wasn't. And I'll never do anything like that again."

My son had dietary restrictions as a young child. And even though I adore my MIL, when I realized MIL was not abiding by DS's dietary restrictions, I didn't allow DS to visit without me. I made sure we both stopped by every so often, and didn't tell her (or anyone else) about my 'supervised' decision since hurting her feelings was the last thing I would have wanted. But as a SM, you don't have the luxury of that same degree of goodwill.

Not to go off on a tangent here, but why are you and BioMom watching this baby every weekend?

Yikes, that's got to be hard and feel rotten. First off let me admit that I don't have kids and I know little about what babies should/shouldn't eat, so I have no idea whether pudding was horrible or not, so I'll refrain from expressig an opinion on that specifically. Of course we don't know all the other details of your situation, but here are some guesses as to what's underlying the dramatic nature of the friction here:

-Ashly is experiencing some stress about being a new mother, in general

-I don't know from personal experience, but I would guess that mothers of babies who have had severe health issues or who almost didn't make it might be especially overprotective 'lionesses' and terrified at any change in their health, even a temporary one like throwing up.

-the pudding itself may very well be something the baby just shouldn't have been eating, but maybe Ashly over-reacted to this one incident

-Jessica probably has some issue with you (maybe it is truly nothing more than disapproval over food choices for baby or maybe it is something deeper); and Ashley is very torn over whether to believe her sister or to trust you

-What Jessica told Ashly may have been deliberate lies or could possibly have been misunderstandings of something she 'thought' she saw

-There may also be some jealousy/competition regarding Ashly & Jessica's bio-parents as the grand-parents... maybe the overall situation is putting extra pressure on the whole situation and making the two sisters feel like they have to 'choose sides' which is silly but can happen in blended families at 'milestone' occasions like the birth of a baby

-in particular, the visitation schedule might have Ashly & Jessica's mom feeling a little threatened (and her partner, if there is one). Depending on the type of folks they are, this can be a minor and understandable nervousness about 'sharing' and their place in the baby's life, or they may be hell-bent on having 100% of the time with the baby and not wanting you to have any at all.

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is resist the very natural urge you will have to get defensive. YOU know that you would never *intentionally* do anything to hurt the baby, and you may be very angry to think that you'd have to do anything to dispel any suggestion that you did. Call Ashly up and tell her how you know it must be very scary whenever there's a health issue of any kind with a child who had a rough beginning like her baby did, and that you understand she's going through some stress. And that you understand a mother's over-protective instincts, at least to some extent. Tell her how much you love her and the baby and also how stunned you were to hear her suspicions and her decision to not have you be alone with the baby. Tell her that because of the love you have for them, that you will respect her wishes but that you can only hope with all your heart that the trust can be restored. Ask her if there is anything you can do to reassure her, or if it will just take time. If the pudding really was a no-no, apologize profusely. Agree to feed the baby only those foods Ashly deems appropriate, as the baby's mother. Then drop it for a while and let Ashly sort it out in her head. At that point you will have done/said everything you can do to address the situation with love and there is no need to 'prove' anything further. It may take a little time for her to sort out how she feels, try not to lose patience or push the issue too hard in the meantime. By extending your hand this way, with respect for her concerns as a parent and unconditional love & caring for her and the child, hopefully she will see that the suspicions are unfounded and she will come around. But again, this will take time and it can't be pushed.

You might also want to call Jessica and/or the sisters' BM and ---with as much grace and gentleness as you can muster under the circumstances--- tell them you'd like to try and address what fears or upsets they have. Let them do the talking, invite them to tell you what in their opinion you did that was upsetting, regarding the baby or otherwise. And really listen to what they have to say, trying your best to refrain from judgement or angry defensiveness, even if you feel it, or even if they're laying a guilt trip on you super-heavy. Hear them out and simply say "I love the girls and the baby very much, and will continue doing so even though it hurts to not be trusted now. If I've done something really wrong, I'd like to rebuild that trust. I love being a step-grandma and want to be a great one, and I know the baby's other grandparents want the same. I'm always willing to talk about this and try to meet you all halfway on anything I can, and I hope we can work through any concerns or differences we may have." If your willingness to 'meet halfway' regarding visitation isn't good enough, then they won't be satisfied with anything but 'my way or the highway', but at least you will know that you tried to handle the whole thing with maturity and grace.

Thanks for all the grate opinions!
My step daughter has chosen to let me have my sweet grand daughter once again. It seems she realized that i am not the person her sister thinks i am..Thanks for the prayers.