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lafevem

What to do?

18 years ago

I haven't posted in a while, but a recent issue brought me back to the boards. I'll try to make a long story short.

My DH had to work all weekend, so his DD didn't come over this weekend. About a year ago, I told him they could not come over on the weekend if he was working all weekend because his oldest DD and I had an argument and she went home and told her BM her side of the story and totally exagerrated what happened. Her BM then called the parenting coordinator and relayed the story she was given (said I cussed my SD out, etc-not true) and it became a whole big issue. On top of that several weeks later, my oldest SD went to stay at a friend's house and I am friends with the friend's mom. An incident happened there with friend's mom and my oldest SD went home and lied about the situation and her BM called friend's mom and threatened to call police. Needless to say, my SD is no longer welcome at her home. I said all of that to say..I do not trust oldest SD to be here without her father as I don't want to be put in the position of accusations happening and no other adult here to back me up. This is due to personal protection and career protection. I am a teacher, and any kind of accusation of mistreatment of a child could ruin my career.

Anyway, that is the background on why they no longer come if DH is working all weekend. If he is just working a few hours, they do come, but all weekend..no more.

Saturday, DH left for work...in a good mood. By the time he arrived home late Sat. night (8:00 pm) I thought he had been kidnapped and replaced with an alien. He was nitpicking everything, mad at everything, started throwing and having diahrrea (I know gross, but I am giving you the details) and saying it was because the pork I cooked wasn't done...on and on and on. Sunday morning he left still in a wretched mood, but by last night was acting a bit better. I seriously could not figure out what was going on, until I was talking with my aunt and my mom about it yesterday. They said...Lafevem...you know that is how he gets when the girls don't come over for the weekend. My mom goes..check your cell phone bill online and I bet you will see that oldest SD called him all day long making him feel bad about not picking them up. (BTW...for those new to my situation...we have them every weekend...as a rule) So I checked my phone bill and sure enough he and oldest SD had talked like 8 times during the day. So the light bulb goes on. As he is leaving this morning to go to work (monday) he says to me...Lafevem...why don't you call oldest SD today and just say Hello. I said OK..knowing she wouldn't pick up the phone cuz she never does...but I did it anyway. Left her a nice message and I'll never hear back. BTW..my bday was a couple of days ago and I overheard my DH call her and tell her to call me, but of course she never did.

Ok...so here is the question..when will my DH accept she doesn't like me and never will and let it go...and how can I talk to him and explain that I don't appreciate being his emotional punching bag when he and oldest SD argue all day and he doesn't want to take it out on her. Also, how do I make him understand that my decision about my SD's being here on the weekends is because of her behavior and my fear. I seriously don't understand how my oldest SD can say she dislikes me so much, but then gets so angry if she isn't coming over for the weekend and I am the only one she would really see anyway. Why?

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