When any thirteen year old, and especially a thirteen year old boy, cries in school, something is clearly wrong. Crying at that age would make him subject to horrible teasing and bullying, and no one would do that voluntarily. He is not merely "testing" his teacher.

Well, unfortunately he's not been too concerned for misbehaving or crying in front of class. He now spends 4 class periods a day in special ed, so the kids there are well-used to his behavior. In general, all of his classmates in regular classes are extremely accepting of his differences and he has never been teased or bullied in four years. The crying is mild compared to the first years when he'd throw books, desks, hit the teacher, bite, etc. if teacher dared ask him to open a book. His classmates overlooked that behavior and were still friendly when we'd see them at the store.

I know he's had a tough, tough life, but does he have any known learning disabilities?
Because I've got to agree with TOS that crying in school for a 13 y.o. boy isn't normal.
Even if you "don't want to" read, crying in class is so much worse than that.
He could have mouthed off, slammed something, flat-out refused, walked out of the room --
lots of other options that would have been more socially acceptable.
There's more to this story...

Guess we cross-posted.
If he's in Sp.Ed., then his IEP should address situations like this.

If he's not capable of reading aloud in class, then he should not be asked to do it. The teacher would never call on my SpEd son to read aloud because it would humiliate him. (Well, in the eyes of the other children anyway. That, and it would just take too long!)

I should have specified, he does not read aloud in class. He is working through a special reading program and does a lot of worksheets. If he completes the worksheets accurately and cooperatively, he gets time to work on the computer reading program part. He earns paper "coins" for good behavior and if he has X number of coins at the end of the week, he can go shopping in the class "store". Last week he bought a little dry erase board.

He is in one-on-one teaching situation with the spec ed teacher. Yes, he has learning problems. Mainly behavioral issues and the lack of education before he came to us. At his old school, he was locked in a closet with a video game, no teacher, no materials. And at his other grandma's house all he did was play video games. Nothing else. So, when he acts up he loses the games for the school week. If his behavior at home and school are good the rest of the week, he gets games back. If not, sorry Charlie. Other grandma gave him no responsibility, consequences, or discipline. He was oppositional, spoiled, very determined to have his own way in EVERYTHING. That contributed to his not being educated in any manner. In fact, other grandma told us he was infantile and regressing. NOT!

He does have a thorough IEP created through the aid of his spec ed team of about fifteen experts. Like, as a goal, he is to cooperate after a maximum of one prompt like 70% of the time, things like that. Most of the goals are much more specific. We just re-did his IEP last spring and will re-visit it in a year and a half.

DGS is very socially immature, that is a big goal. He is self-centered and very oppositional especially for reading. He kind of likes math and is at a grade 2-3 level.

What is his diagnosis? Does he have autism? ODD alone wouldn't result in that huge an educational delay.

"At his old school, he was locked in a closet with a video game, no teacher, no materials."

I find this a little hard to believe, in this century in the United States. That would be abusive, and the adults responsible should be not only fired but in prison.

Is he dyslexic? That might explain his reluctance to read.

Sounds like he has more of a problem then just not being raised right by his other grandmother! Some children have special needs and learning and behavioral problems. They are not CHOOSING to be this way it is they way they are!

To tell you the truth, I'm a little alarmed by your tone about the grandson or, in your words, the "little brat." You seem to be looking for things to be upset about and then holding them gleefully over his head.

I have to agree with everyone else -- a normal 13-year-old boy doesn't cry in class. The combination of learning disabilities, behavioral problems, etc., seems more indicative of a boy who desperately needs love and acceptance than someone who needs to feel as if he's a burden and a "little brat."

Just my humble opinion.

I am sorry if it sounds like I was blaming DGS. It was my frustration coming out. I shouldn't have said that he was a brat, but his behavior is bratty. My apologies.

Orangetree, he didn't test out as dyslexic. Probably some additional kind of learning disability but it wasn't clear at testing.

Last night we came home to find out he had not only eaten 2 boxes of pop tarts, but had eaten them in the living room. A definite no no. We don't forbid him any food and try to buy a few special treats, such as the pop tarts, but he doesn't accept limits. And had snooped through DS's room which is forbidden. He's going through a rebellious phase and testing all the waters.

Does he stay home alone until you get home? If he is functioning academically at only the 8 or 9 year old level, and especially if his emotional regulation ability is so limited is it safe for him to be home unsupervised?

I just reread the post - he ate two boxes of pop tarts?? That's at least 12 pop tarts, if it's the small boxes. Or did you mean two foil packages of two each? Four pop tarts I could see, but if he actually ate 12 pop tarts, then he must be incapable of regulating his food intact by himself.

If he were a normally functioning 13 year old, he would have left the wrappers in the kitchen so you'd never know where he ate them.

TOS, when he came to us at nine he was used to being home alone for 1-2 hours. He is thirteen and sometimes home alone up to an hour, usually 15-20 minutes. His appetite for pop tarts is not unusual for him. He is well over 6 feet tall and on the thin side, growing like a weed. He has breakfast at home, then breakfast at school, lunch at school, morning and afternoon snacks, after school snack, then dinner at home and maybe an after dinner snack. He's just a hungry growing kid. Even his feet are huge at size thirteen. He's never not hungry. He has no medical problems and gets regular checkups.

He may be academically behind his age, and socially, but emotionally he's still a thirteen year old.

Oh, and the wrappers? He usually stuffs them under the couch, but he had gotten in trouble for that the day before.

You inherited a mess, and I suspect you're going to have an uphill climb with him. My grandmother used to say, of children, "If you don't have your bluff in by the time they're 6, you may be out of luck." What she meant was that kids who are taught respect for authority at an early age are less likely to give their parents trouble in their teen years.

I don't think he is 13 emotionally, based on your descriptions of his behavior. And twelve pop tarts is excessive, even if he is six feet tall. Could you leave him cold cuts, or tuna fish, or cans of ravioli (it tastes better cold than pop tarts do).

Does he have the judgment to know not to let in strangers, or not set the house on fire?

fyi... my bro was good for things like eating two boxes of pop tarts.... or an entire pack of cheese... random things that seem not even too tasty... but he ate and ate and ate and on top of that was PICKY... so my mom eventually chose her battles on that one.

Well, I found one of the boxes shoved to the back of the shelf. Still, he was just supposed to eat one package so as not to ruin his appetite for dinner an hour and a half later.

I think emotionally he is close to his age. He has all the same wants and desires as any kid his age. Be with friends, wants to drive some day, have a job, etc.

Part of his academic delay probably stems from the fact it was likely his mother was heavily into drugs before he was born. Poor kid. That plus the way his other grandma raised him and the abuse from his brother.

Oh, and I should add that he does have access to cold cuts, peanut butter and bread, spaghettios, fruit, carrots (his favorite). We just rarely buy stuff like pop tarts, chips, etc.