My mother taught me: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

She taught me many things, but this was the first one that popped into my mind from childhood.

I picked up lots of useful things from many sources, primarily my first mother in law. Her housekeeping was abhorrent, but her children and my children were all loved very well. She taught me how to include joy into the lives of my children through song, art, cards, games, dinners....just overall inclusion in everything. No one was ever left out. The mess to her was irrelevant. Her favourite thing to say was, you can always get new things, but you canÂt get a new child. If something was broken accidentally or not so accidentally, she hugged and kissed the youngster who did it and assured them she loved them very much and that nothing wrong had been done. Then together they would clean up.

I learned from her the most important love you can have for a child is tenderness for their emotional well being.

My relationship with my mother is odd, to say the least. But she has always been the only "mom" in my life. When I was a teen I jumped on the band-wagon of calling my friends' moms "mom". Oh, she was not happy about that. At the time, I didn't understand but now that I am a mom myself, I totally see where she is coming from.

One day after X broke up with GF and then got back together, he was in a particularly cantankerous mood at baseball practice and out of the blue he said "GF and I are back together and we're probably getting married at some point. If DS wants to call her 'mom' I'm going to let him". I said "why would he do that? He spends a total of 4 days a month with her and he's been calling her by her first name for 2 years now. If that's the case then you won't mind if he calls FDH 'dad'. He said "but I don't see him doing that" and I said "well I don't see him calling her 'mom' either so how about we leave it the way it is"

BM pushed for FSD to call SF 'dad' since they got married, but she says it was so that their baby didn't get "confused" (a baby that wasn't conceived yet). It's still painful to FDH to this day when she calls him that because he's tried so hard to be involved in every way possible. FDH has always felt like BM is trying to erase him from FSD's life and replace him with SF. Even moreso now that they live farther away. FSD will talk to him about something they did and say "Yeah, Mom and Dad took me shopping today". Then she catches herself and changes it. It's like a stab in the heart.

I learned...

From my mom: How to cook. Beyond that, she's a great example of what not to do. If I do the opposite of what she does, I'll be just fine. She 'tells' me the right thing to do, but she doesn't practice what she preaches. 'do as I say, not as I do' and that's cause me to work hard at living by example, although when I was younger, I started to fall into her track. I told my kids it was wrong to have kids when you are young & of course it's best when married. They called me on that and I admitted what I did as wrong... something my mom has never done.

From my step mom: All about relationships. To look at things from different perspectives and all angles. What marriage is about (of course my dad had a lot to do with that as well). About raising kids. About raising step kids. About reaching goals. About careers. About finances. About letting go.

But, I have to admit, I learned the most from my children.

Oops! Guess I missed the point of this post......

My mother taught me the importance of sticking with a commitment. I think this is a value that is lost anymore. I try my best to make sure that my DS sticks with what he has already agreed to do.

I can tell you some things I learned from her where I learned to do the opposite. I have learned to never chase my teenager around the house at 11 PM because I ASSUMED she was outside seeing a boy when she wasn't. I learned that I will need to give my teenager gentle nudges and maybe even help him do the legwork to get scholarships to college. I learned that I will not "decide" to write a book while I have small children at home that need my constant attention. I have learned that I will not put off sending my son to college and then turn around 10 years later and tell them that the reason I didn't send him because he would've "rebelled" against it (just an excuse for uninvolvement, to me).

My grandmothers taught me alot. They both taught me that good grandmothers can make up for having no grandfathers. They were the best grandmothers in the world!

I learned patience -- To hold my tongue, breathe deeply, and think for a minute before saying something in anger.
And to find a way for the other person to back down without losing face.

I also learned the effectiveness of "Because I say so" after giving a full explanation doesn't work,
and the importance of not giving in to tantrums, whining, or emotional blackmail -- ever.

And that leading by example is the best teacher...

(I miss you Mom!)

I have a wonerful relationsip with my mom and probably learned tons from her just on being a good person; but what stands out in my mind are the things NOT to say or do to my daughter. I remember vividly clear the time my mom said "Why can't you be more like Heather?" (her friends daughter) because she was athletic and I was not--I will never compare my daughter to another child.

My mother is my best friend and hero, so we would be here for days if I were to list all she has taught me. Not all is good, but it is all useful.

The first 'good' lesson I think of is selflessness. My mother was a young, single mom who worked two jobs and then stayed up all night making crafts to sell at craft shows on weekends. Some of my favorite memories as a young girl are these shows with mom. Cabbage Patch Kids were 'born' when I was young, but mom couldn't afford one. So she made one, and I'll be damned if it didn't look better than the real thing. Then she made outfits and jammies and fuzzy bunny slippers . . . and a baby sister when my doll got lonely . . . and bedding sets . . . you get the picture. We had very little, but she did everything she could to give me the world. I know the life she had was not the life she dreamed of, but she put that all aside for her child. I only wish half the mothers I know today had half of her selflessness.

A 'bad' lesson - over-committing and over-doing. She never says no and always takes on more than she can chew. I am much the same way, but possess the ability to see when I've gone too far, admit it and try to scale back. She just keeps on going.

I would be a mess without my mother.

Mom said/says:

"There is always one person in the relationship (romantic) who loves more. Don't be that person."

That always sticks in my head because I did the exact opposite and almost always regret it. It's her way of saying make sure the man loves you more and don't get taken advantage of. Lots of other good lessons but that always sticks in my mind.

~Cat

I think compassion for animals is a biggie that I learned from my mom. She is THE town crazy cat lady because she can not turn any stray away.

Jonathan is terrified I will wind up the same way and that we will have animal's pouring out of our ears by the time we are both 50....hahaha. My mom is just a really tender hearted kind person in general. I wish it came easy for me like it does her. I am more my father though.

P.s. I brought home my very first stray yesterday....hahahaha. A black kitten I found on a school play ground where I was conducting screens. The kids were being mean to him:(

From my mom,

1. Teach and lead by example. My mother never raised her voice, certainly never hit.
2. DonÂt sweat the small stuff.
3. DonÂt spend money you donÂt have.
4. Education is important. It is important for its own sake, and everyone should be able to have the education need for a career.
5. All children are different. There were 3 children, all with different academic abilities. All were encouraged. There was never any well if sister A could do this, then you can. DonÂt compare them.
6. DonÂt go nuts on food rules, just have healthy stuff around.
7. DonÂt force siblings to play together  and btw, we are all friends now.
8. Have compassion for those with less than yourself.
9. Care for your elderly widowed mother  not because she told me to, because she and her siblings did, and never fought. After my dad died, she allowed her former MIL to come for long visits and stay with us.

Mom of 2.5 -- I am so sorry you had to hear that. One of the things that bothers me at times on this forum is when a SM says -- these skids should be able to do this at age x, my kids did it at x-1. The best way to guarantee kids wont get along is to compare them.

I can say what I haven't learned from my mom. she is exceptionally handy: sew, craft, knit, embroidery, anything. I cannot do any of that. haha

But other than that....
My mother is the best person i have ever met. not just me. anyone who knows my mother would say that.

she is extremelly patient and nonjudgemental person. she never ever raises or raised her voice, never yelled, never said anything offensive to anyone. she is an excellent very involved grandmother. and yet she is a professional woman, she held executive positions her whole life. My mother is a head manager of a large restaurant. my mom took care of our grandmother etc etc. My mom also looks cool, takes care of herself, she is relativelly young: 63, but looks younger, and my mom loves clothes. lol i got that from her. haha And i can always rely on my mother.

So I have learned to be reliable, be patient, don't sweat small stuff wiht my child, give kids freedom to be who they are, i never grounded or punished or yelled at DD basically because my mom never did that to us. take care of my appearance etc

At my mom's 60th birthday my brother made a toast how our mom taught us how to be good parents just by example because she was the one. So I guess the biggest thing I have learned from her is how to be a good parent. :)

Oh my mom is also an excellent cook, but although I can cook i am not nearly as good as her. :(