Wow, I don't know you, or know what to say except, that I feel your frustration!!!
Your hormones are going crazy, so you have a right to feel upset...you have a lot on your plate right now. It WILL get better, it just is bad timing right now!
I hope your weekend gives you less stress, and think positive thoughts today!!!

Just wondering if the son of the ex's is your dh son.
Hope all goes well for u tuesday,not that we get much rest in hospital but gee i wouldnt want to come home.I came home with my new one to a house full of kids and it drove me wild couldnt even sit down on my own couch, his kids were all over it.His Ex knew i was comming home....take care.

You are surrounded by a bunch of self-centered, egotistical, inconsiderate takers. Through your entire post - though angry - I detected a hint of sense of humor there. That's what gets me through the tough times - but you really have to learn to say no and mean it with every one. Ex is a little trickier - your DH will have to do a little better in the letting her have it department. Focus on the most important thing right now .... your baby and you. Thats all that matters at this time. Best wishes for you from the heart, Mikkella

I have been in very similiar circurmstances and I really feel for you! Bless you for not taking your frustration out on the children. DH is the one who needs to tell the ex that you are not able to take care of SD at the drop of a hat. It is very inconsiderate of her - and you can believe that she knows that YOU are the one who has to do the childcare. Sorry, can't offer any real words of advice. Just wanted to send good wishes your way for the baby's birth on Tuesday.

No the Ex's son is not DH's son. Which is why I really don't want to open that door. He'd be the one to get hurt. His bio dad isn't in his life at all, and his ha ha Mother drops him wherever she can so she can go out every weekend. It's sad yes, but he's not my responsibility, and I am not making it so. I have enough to deal with all ready.

DH has been trying to reach the EX since her little drop and run, on Friday. Of coarse she isn't home. She'll be there when he drops our daughter off tonight, and I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall!!! LOL He told her thursday NOT to bring SD here friday, as I had plans and wouldn't be home, and he would be at work. The fact that she did it anyways just totaly PISSED him off. He's not one to pussyfoot around either, he's going to blow. Which is EXACTLY what this bi&ch needs.

I also told him it may be wise not to have SD next weekend, as I won't be in any condition to humor her, he'll be working all weekend, so what's the point? The point being she'll feel left out, as family is coming down from VT to see the baby. Pain in my butt.
I hate it when he's right.

I told him last night I'm admitting myself for a week, possibly more, just to get away from everyone. He laughed at me till I broke down, and exploded!! The past few months have been hell for me, being out of work kills me, having no outside life, other then the kids, is torture...then throw everyone elses kids into the mix when I"ve been saying for months I can't handle it, and no one freaking listens...it's just gets to be a bit much. I do say NO, I tell people NO, then I get the "Well I'll lose my job if I"m out one more day..." Or..."I've done it for you before.." I need to keep saying NO....LOL...but they make me feel so guilty, and it is true, I've been on the other side before.

Ahh, it'll all be over soon, two more days, and the fun really begins...LOL...yeah I have a very sick sense of humor, it's the only way I can make it day to day without dead bodies laying around. LOL
Thanks for listening, and all the good wishes.

You should definitely stay in the hospital as long as you can.

A word of advise -- no one MAKE you feel anything (like guilt) -- we do that to ourselves.

You can say NO and make it stick... if you really, really want to. Sometimes it's not worth it, but sometimes it is.

Hope you have a happy birth day.
Q

I went with DH to see the Ex when we dropped SD off, and it wasn't pretty. LOL I told her how inconsiderate she was, and irresponsible for not even checking to see if I was home (Van not in driveway is usually a hint I'm not)when she dropped SD off and ran. DH took over from there, and VENTED his frustrations...none of this was done in front of the children...needless to say the Ex was in tears by the time he was through. She tried to lie, deny, and weasel her way out of this, which only made it worse. I seriously doubt she'll pull anything for a whole 2 days...lol....yeah, it's sad, but true.

Having the baby tomorrow...God I can't wait!!! Break time...morphine is my friend...LMAO...(C-section)

Saying prayers for you both this evening. A most unrivaled day in the life of a woman ... to give life. You're in my thoughts and prayers this evening. Hugs and Kisses to the happy family of the newborn angel.

Best wishes on the baby!!! If you're having a C-section, the doctors are going to want you to take it easy and no lifting. Don't let the Ex use you for a doormat. She's using you because you and your husband have allowed it. Take care....

We had a 7 pound 1 oz baby girl!! Her name is Talia (pronounced Tal-Ya) and she is such a good baby! She looks JUST like her daddy, I sware the only thing she got from me is my feet!

I got out of the hospital today, and wanted to get even with the ex, so we went to eat where she is a waitress, with all the kids. He he he. *S* She was our waitress, and I made her run run run...LOL. I knew if I had gone home, the Ex would've pulled the "SD wants to see the baby" crap, just so SHE could come to MY house, and I wasn't going to allow that. So I beat her to it. Needless to say I wish I had brought another camera, as a picture of her face would be priceless. LOL The psycho couldn't hide her contempt, or jealousy, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Plus I had SD at the hospital last night. She seems excited, but the truth will show this weekend, when all the family comes over, and SHE isn't the center of attention. I pray she's fine with this!

My other two are so excited to have their new sister home. I bought all the kids gifts, with "I'm a Big sister" or "I'm a big brother" Tags, saying they were from Talia. That went very well! They thought it was to neat that their new baby got THEM a present, so they drew her pictures to put in her crib. SD just mumbled a thank you, coarse she's older, and knows WE bought the gifts. That idea kinda went better on the little ones.

I am so glad to be home!! Now I can relax. LOL see ya'll next time!!

So glad to hear that you and baby are doing fine!!! Take lots of pictures and videos - this time passes all too quickly.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family... Actually after I read your inital posting, it made me feel a lot better and made me realize that i'm not alone.

Quick run-down I'm 7 months pregnant, I have a BD 4 and a SD 6. SD's BM is completely gone...out of the picture so she is w/my DH and I full-time...My BD goes to see her father E/O/W and once during the week. When we first starting dating, my SD's BM would pick her up on the same weekends my BD would go to her father's house. Then she just started being unreliable, jealous, upset that her daughter wanted to be with us more than her...(and made no effort to try to make her stay-just offloaded her, and hasn't seen her since)

So...the last 6 months, we've had her ALL the time. This gets frustrating, especially now when I just want some time to myself. I'm still working, going to school, and i'm really emotionally drained. So, the weekends my BD goes to her father's house...I think it's okay for SD to see grandma
one night out of the weekend. (It's 2 nights no more than 3 a month) My DH makes me feel like i'm evil and that I don't want her around...Grandma enjoys seeing her, so it's not like she's being tortured!! I'M JUST EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY drained!!!! A couple nights without the million questions and stories, would be nice. Let me just build some sanity for the new one coming...So thank you...you made me realize i'm not crazy. I wish her mother WAS responsible and would take care of her...but, she'll never change. I just will never understand...Animals don't even abandon their children??

Congrats on the new baby!

Congratulations!
SD24 - Yes, SD seeing G'ma is a good thing. My nephew had such a close relationship with my parents. My DH had a close one with his. Wish we had lived closer to mine. There is something so very special about GC/GP relationships. Don't let him cheat her of it.

No your not alone stepmommy24, I know EXACTLY the frustration your referring to. It sux towards the end, your huge, emotionally a basketcase, happy one minute, stressed and wanting to cry or kill the next..LOL It seems whenever we try to take a day for ourselves SOMEBODY trys to sabatoge it, or makes us feel guilty for wanting it..and it's generally people who have no kids, or responsibilities pertaining to them other then a visit, or a paycheck. Most Dad's think we can do it all and never need a break. Like it's a sin for us to even request such a thing. LOL Thankfully mine knows better. (Or I'd hurt him ..LMAO) Just hang in, it's almost over, you will find a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hey guys, don't feel guilty about needing a little "down" time. Being all the things that we are (mom, step-mom, wife, career woman, friend, daughter, etc., etc.) can be trying and exhausting. Especially the Mom/Step-Mom part!

Now and then, we just need to escape to regroup, collect our thoughts, renew and relax ... without having to answer to anyone or care for someone else for a while. I'm lucky that I am married to a dear man who realizes this, and will often take the kids off on Saturday adventures to give me my much needed "break". It also gives him some private time with the kids. Everyone wins!

How about this one? My husband's ex gave birth the day before I did, at the same hospital ... oh brother! Now, that was something. I saw her several times strolling the hospital corridors, and I was just glad that we didn't have the same doctor! LOL! (We won't talk about the fact that she got married at 3 months PG, or that her new hubby is 12 years younger!)

Congratulations on your new baby. What a joy. Glad to hear that everything went well.

My DH is the same way, he takes the kids somewhere special on the weekends he doesn't have to work, so I get a few hours break. He is all ready talking about renting me a limo so I can go out as soon as I'm up to it. Oh how I look forward to this!! Somedays I enjoy it fully, others I feel lost, and it makes me realize I really did need the break as I can't lose ME. I'm more then just a mom/Step Mom/and wife. So often we forget that.

My baby has been sleeping all night since the day we brought her home. It's amazing me. SD was a HUGE help last weekend with house work, and the younger kids. She only had a few moments where she copped an attitude cause Baby and my son got presents and she didn't..(neither did my other daughter) and I reminded her that it was their birthday on the 10th. As soon as Daddy got home she says in her fake baby talk voice how it wasn't fair the kids got presents, and he laughed at her. (I love this man!) She pouted for a while and refused to watch a movie with my family, as she wasn't the center of attention, the baby was. I told her to get over her bad self or go to her room. Wasn't playing that game. Then DH stepped in and MADE her go to her room anyways for being a brat. Oh it's going to be an interesting few months.

Oh, but the sibling rivalry gets worse! Just wait! Heaven help anyone that gives attention to our daughter ...my SD will jump right in and try to steal the show. Jeez, during the holidays last year, someone was holding our little one, 2 at the time, when SD runs up and starts pulling on their arm, begging to be the center of attention. Almost knocked my 2 year old down ... Boy did I have a cow! Anytime anyone says the baby is "cute" or "pretty", SD pipes up ... "but I'm cute too" ... she just can't handle not being the center of attention. And oh, yeah .. it's usually in baby talk. I guess that's supposed to be endearing ...her mother does it all the time. Drives me nuts.

It's not quite as bad as it used to be, she has mostly adapted to having a sibling. She was an only child for 6 years. But you never know when it will surface. It is always there ... a few months ago I hear SD telling our little one "my Mommy's prettier than yours" and "he's my Daddy, not yours" ... Lucky for her, the 3 year old really didn't understand what she was saying YET. When she does, her response might be "yeah, your Mom's prettier if big and round is attractive to you"!

Oh I almost flipped when my SD told my two little ones that DH wasn't their daddy. As you said thank god they are too little to understand, but she went a step further and said one of these days your going to go live in FL with your REAL dad. My kids are 5 and 3, and DH is the ONLY dad they have known. They don't know he's not their "real" father. One day we were in the car and my 5 yr old starts crying and shaking, asking why she had to go live in FL? I saw RED!! DH yelled so loud he even scared me, and then delt with SD when we got home. That was just evil. I left an abusive ex husband when I was still pregnant with my son. SD knows this, and also knows he will NEVER be in their lives. When the time comes to tell them that DH isn't their "real" dad, he and I will tell them, NOT HER!!
My DH was adopted, and wants to adopt my kids. I think this has made it easier for him to accept them, VS most men. His sister use to pick on him saying "Yeah well your not their REAL kid" as she was, and his response was "Yeah well I was CHOSEN, you just happened." A line I will teach my children a few years down the road....

The sibling rivalry wouldn't bother me so much if SD wasn't so damn mean. AS I've said before overall she's a good kid, but as any kid, she has her moments, and when she does they're DOOSIES!! (as the above mentioned incident) She doesn't like to share the attention, weather it be me, DH, or grandparents. She wants it all. Negative or positive, she'll do whatever she has to to get it. Playing dumb is her latest tactic. The fake voice gets her no where, so now lets act stupid. You'd sware this child was deprived of any emotional contact, that she wasn't loved, which isn't the casse at all. She puts on a good act though. I just keep hoping as she gets older things will get better.

Really, Mikkella, what you're experiencing doesn't all have to do with the fact that it's a step child. There are people out there with bio-kids that are just the same way. Sibling Rivalry can happen just the same in any family. The fact that she's not your child, though, probably adds to it because if she was, you would not allow her to act as she does. When I read your posts, I actually picture your SD as Angelica on Rugrats! LOL Think of the stuff that girl says and does! LOL Hope it gets a little better for you.

he he he...I have compared her to Angelica before...LOL...too funny. I know it can happen weather it's step, or not, it does. Your right if she were mine she wouldn't have gotten away with so much crap, but as I've told her, I'm done being nice.

Your SD sounds like she is very insecure. This doesn't mean that you are causing her to feel insecure but some people just have low self esteem. Usually when someone acts out in the ways you describe, they are very insecure. Have you considered counseling for her? Twelve is such a difficult, awkward age. Good luck!

Angelica! That is funny. You are right -- many times when steps act up, we aren't as firm with them as we should be, instead relying on their bio parent to take this role. But, more often than not the bios fail because they just don't see things the SK's are doing wrong. I have decided over the past year that I will jump in. For instance, if my husband tells my SD to do something, and she totally ignores him (which she ALWAYS does, and he gets distracted on something else and forgets -- which HE always does) -- I now step in and say something like "did you hear what your father asked you to do" ... like you said ..."no more Mr. Nice Guy" ...or Girl !!

I have approached Bio mom about getting her into the school's counselor, and she won't hear of it. My SD is anything BUT insecure. This child knows she's pretty, knows she's smart,that she's loved, even knows she can kick butt should she have to (karate for years) When she acts up it is merely for attention. She HAS TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION AT ALL TIMES> it's the way it was prior to me and the kids, and the way she wants it even now. Most of this is a jealousy issue. She wants things back the way they were prior to me. When her Dad would take her out to eat, shopping, gaming, etc. every weekend, and it was just he and her. To try to compensate a bit I suggested he pick her up alone, and take her to breakfest in the mornings. Giving her a bit of one on one time. That wasn't good enough. Basically she went from being spoiled rotten, to being in a family. SHe gets what we can give her, when we can afford it. That's not good enough. Oh well....

It's been over 3 years, and this jealousy issue is something I expected in the beginning. Instead she acted as if things were perfect for a year, blew us off for a year, and is just now working through these feelings this year. I know it'll take time, and patience, But I'm done letting her get away with things I don't let the others get away with.

Boy can I identify! I, too, have encouraged them to take time by themselves when she is here. Besides, it gives me a much needed break too. I do find that when they return, she wants to follow him around, no matter what he is doing. She wants all his attention. Once, she sat outside the bathroom door waiting for him! Can you believe? If it makes me the evil step-mom, so be it, but I shooed her away and told her to find something productive to do. My SD does not know how to make friends, does not know how to entertain herself. She is constantly seeking to be the center of attention or looking for someone to tell her what to do.

Why can't some BM's see things clearly? I guess like I said, we as SP's are not blinded by the same burning emotion that the bios have for the kids. We can see that a spade is a spade. Too bad your SD's BM allows her to be spoiled, just like my SD's BM. Get this, my SD's BM sends her a bag full of candy each time she comes here, even if it's just the weekend! It appears to me that she's saying "don't forget Mommy while you're gone -- nobody spoils you like I do". I almost hate to say this, but I believe the BM in my case has some serious issues -- like insecurity and a fear of her daughter loving someone else. She even FORCES her daughter to call her new hubby "Daddy", right from the get-go. SD has told us many times that she does not like this, but she "has" to because it's what mommy wants! They are both so darned co-dependent.

I tell you, if the relatinship I had with my SD's BM was different, if I had met her at work, I would avoid her like the plague. She is the polar opposite of what I'd choose as "friend" !!!

ahhh...I'm finally starting to feel Like ME again!! Not the waterbed with legs...LOL...
I've encounted a problem I didn't expect with my SD. She LOVES the baby...which is great, but now she is treating the other two kids like crap. I think it's due to her old school grandmother, whom I'd rather smack then look at... whom she has been spending lots o time with lately. She doesn't accept my kids as her grandchildren, as they're not my husbands.(1st marriage) Now all of the sudden SD is treating them the same way. I've told her this isn't accpetable behavior, and I don't tolerate it from her grandmother why the hell would she think I'd let her get away with it? Needless to say she stayed here about an hour before calling her grandmother and going to the fair...GRRRRRRRRR