I would never keep my kids from a birthday party, but soccer and other team sports can take over your life. My youngest wants to play soccer, but once you get to be 10 or so, there is no such thing as in-town soccer anymore. Even if you are just beginning or just looking to play casually, you have to travel as much as an hour to play, and practices and games can be practically any day, any time. I am fine with bringing her to sports lessons 3X a week, but I told her I can not add soccer to the mix, or even replace another sport with soccer, because when you work full-time, the games and practices are so difficult to get to. You can't plan a thing, because it is not like they are ALWAYS on a given afternoon so I can work a split shift that day or work out a regular arrangement. Sometimes the practices are on Monday, sometimes Wednesday, etc. and the games may be on either day of the weekend at any time. What working parent is home at 4:00 in the afternoon to chauffeur their child around?

You can take martial arts without competing in tournaments all over the state. I don't have to stay and watch her lessons - and almost none of the parents of the preteens or teens do. You can take swimming lessons without being on a swim team. Why can't you just have a local soccer team that gets together to learn and play once a week, at the SAME TIME EACH WEEK and the SAME LOCAL PLACE?

BM is so selfish! First making her dd miss best friends birthday party so she would not have to drive 15min away and then not staying after practice for 5 minutes! Parents like that make me sad. When you make the choice to have children you should be making the committment to put them first. While I agree with TOS that some sports are too much to handle it does not sound like this one is. I feel sorry for you sd that her bm is so self absorbed and useless.

It's sad that my SD is experiencing the same thing as yours, only mine is younger and hasn't fully opened her eyes to what her mom is about. I think she knows but doesn't want to acknowledge it. Today is my SD's first cross country meet and usually, they will be on Wednesday (so BM has a built in excuse not to come... too long a drive) but since Monday was a holiday, they are doing the meet today. It's a big deal to SD since it's the first meet and it's an open invitational to all schools with teams and is being put on by a former Olympic coach, so SD is really stoked. She had me tell BM all the details on Tuesday evening and then on Wednesday, I sent BM a text with all the info (time & directions) and she acknowledged getting by saying thanks. Then SD tried to call her last night and she didn't answer. Her sister called her and said she'll be there but SD has been worried mom won't go. She asked me if I would go and I said yes. DH is sure BM won't bother, she'll send her mom to get SD for her. I was trying to be optimistic and told DH that she might make it, when I talked to BM on Tuesday, she sounded excited and told me "cool... right on! Sounds awesome." and I got the impression she would be there. SD asked me again this morning if I told her mom what time it starts. I told her yes and she said her sister is going to be holding up a sign that says "GO (NAME)" and she's so excited so I told her I'll bring my camera. We'll see if BM shows up...

I don't get how these women are so self absorbed that they don't realize the heartbreak their kids feel constantly when they let them down. SD brought home a sign up sheet for basketball that runs from January until March and at first said she wants to sign up but when she found out games are on Saturday, she said never mind. She knows her mom won't bring her and she'll have to choose to miss a day at mom's or miss games. I don't blame her for not wanting to miss time at her mom's, but if history repeats itself, by the beginning of next year, mom will be canceling weekends anyways and she won't get to do either. But, she hangs onto the hope that her mom won't do that to her.

As for sports and schedules, I think it depends on the sport and how involved the child is. If a child has an interest in a particular sport that they excel in, then the parent should be supportive of that. There's a difference between that and taking a sport for just fun. My kids played little league and my daughter took dance classes and it wasn't something that took over our lives. We never traveled for games or recitals. But, if one of my kids had been really talented and driven in a particular sport/activity and wanted to compete, I would have driven them anywhere they needed to go. I wasn't going to be the driving force behind it, but if they wanted to pursue being an athlete and had the talent, I would have been completely supportive.

"What working parent is home at 4:00 in the afternoon to chauffeur their child around?"

lol, I am. I work and can be home at 4 (of course it's because I'm self employed) but when I worked at social services, I went to work at 7am and got out at 4, so I was home by 4:15 every day. It's possible but it also makes it a long day.

That's terrible. I have to wonder if mom would waste time on the REALLY important things, like parent/teacher conferences and PTA meetings. I'm guessing no since her time seems so precious. What does she do for a living? Ten bucks says it's nothing important enough to not be able to spare 5 min of her day!!! The girls are always getting brushed off also. Their mom will put helping a friend move over a visit with them. She always has. Some parents just have their priorities all out of wack :(

Unfortunately most working parents don't have the option of going to work that early - besides, as a single parent, I have to be home to get my kids off to school.

I really lucked out this year. My 10 year old son and 6 year old daughter have soccer practice the same day/time/field each week and their games are on sat or suns. really convenient. Plus my neighbor drops everyone off at practice and then we bring them home. I do know it won't be that easy ever again but am enjoying it this year.

Sports and kids activities are so important to kids and that is really unfortunate that not all BM make the attempt to show interest in their kids' lives. It's those little things that mean so much to them.

Since things are already in the tank with BioMom, do you think you could find a way to let her know what is happening? I mean, for DSD to turn down party invitations because she thinks her mom won't drive 15 minutes! That IS sad...

Not that it wouldn't be a tap dance, but I know you're one heck of a diplomat --

Sadly, though I've been an actual tap dancer since I was 8 none of those skills have paid off in real life!! I have tried, diplomatically and not, to let mom know what her actions do to her daughter and their relationship, but it falls on deaf ears. She is the mom o' the year, end of discussion.
Thanks for the vote of confidence though, Sweeby! :-)

Doodle - NO. Mom has come to 3 conferences/open houses that I can think of, and SD has had 2-3 a year for eight years. She has never volunteered for any activity or stepped foot at a PTA meeting. She's made maybe 1/3 of games, plays, activities, events, concerts, etc. Once she showed her disinterest in activities I got involved, and am the President of the PTA. Sorry - was that a pi$$y moment?

TOS - all mom has to do is get her to one game and one practice EOW. Practices are always at the same time/place, and most times she is here after school so she comes with me and mom just has to pick her up. Games are generally within a 20 mile radius, and this year each of mom's EOW games are on our home field.

I totally agree sports can take over - I have friends who travel state wide every weekend for soccer - and think I'm made the right call on that. If it seems the kid could actually make something of the sport/activity I would drive state wide like my friends. If they just wanted to hang with friends I'd have a slumber party and call it good!