Extreemly intemidated by my stepson
I am 26 years old, my stepson is 25. I have been with his dad for almost 3 years now and just had a child. The first year was really awful. My husband's son HATED me with a passion and I could'nt understand why. I am really freindly and likeable and never had openly been so rejected and had never felt such hostility from someone I barley knew. I tried to talk to him about it - ONCE, and was met with angry questions such as "how old is your dad?" and "do you know how old MY dad is?" and "you are just temporary, how many stupid little girls like you have come and gone with my dad!" and "girls like you are a dime a dozen." It was all really hurtful, but very insiteful. I set forth from then on taking his hostility with grace because I realized the anger was stemming from issues he had with me and his father's age difference and possibly attachment issues because of the girls his dad had been with in the past.
So that was the first year- the second was much better- he realised that I wasnt going anywhere, and I think he saw how happy I made his dad and how much I loved his dad. Also I always cook for them both, do laudry and clean and work hard to be the perfect little housewife- which he benifits from even though its his dad who is married to me.
BUT here is the delemma I am faced with now. I am all of a sudden a stay at home mom and since I am in the house day in and day out - I would like to get things better organized and to feel a little more like this is MY home too - right now I feel like I am living in my husband and stepson's house.
BUT whatever I do- whatever furniture I move or pictures I take down/put up, closets I clear out or whatever it is I work on to improve around the house- this wicked stepson undoes right after I do it! It is so annoying and we have started having all out screaming and yelling and name-calling verbal brawles over it. He has a horrible temper and it really scares me. He is so careless and leaves lights on and doors open all the time too. I came home the other day to find the front door wide open and no one home- he had left the house and thoughtlessly left the door open. I was afraid the whole rest of the day that some stranger could be hiding inside the house somewhere. Also he leaves his shoes all over along with clothes and just tons of "stuff." I am fed up with picking up after him - and then having everything spread out all over the house again. Its like an endless cycle and I have started feeling such hate towards him. His dad does nothing about any of this. He tells me to not pick up after his son- saying Im "not his maid" but I cant stand clutter and messes! About the fighting, he just tells us both not to talk to eachother - which is hard when you LIVE with someone.
If anyone has any advice- please give it to me!!! Im dyeing for answers. I start getting anxiety whenever I hear him coming into the room Im in and I get shakey everytime he talks to me (which is jsut to yell at me)I have started staying locked in our bedroom with my baby whenever I know my stepson is home just to avoid seeing him. His dad WONT tell him to move out either. I dont know what to do!!!