oops, I meant due, not do...

PB, you seem defensive where you DH is concerned. (rightly so, ordinarily one should feel that way). But oridinarily a spouse doesn't sign a house to one child leaving a wife and baby out. Maybe he didn't think, maybe he didn't care. It doesn't matter now. Even if you forget the XW, GF and legal matters, you did ask how to deal with Stepson and how he treats you.
Think about it please - if your DH doesn't speak up in your defense there is nothing you can do about the situation. You, DH and baby are living in SSon legally owned home. You are in a situation where SS could tell all of you to leave. All that would matter is the legal paper signing the house to him. Not who did or didn't pay for it.
Your DH in the process of securing what he felt was his put the house in his sons name that now leaves your DH, you and baby with nothing. Your DH didn't provide 1/2 the home for new baby or any other children that may be born.
That is one of the most important thing people here really want you to see.

We are meeting in an hour to "talk". Im so glad he is open to having a conversation with me now- We'll see if he actually delivers when it comes to real info. though...

Oh and to Eandhl, he did not leave us out, (me and the baby) because we were not in his life at the time of all of his assets being put in the name of his son.
I know it seems that his son could evict us and ruin our lives as we know it because of the power he holds by having all that his dad owns in his name, but my husband trusts him blindly because he is his son and I dont think he would imagine in a million years that his son would do that to him. I on the other hand know that were something to happen to my husband- his son would send me and my baby packing and without a dime AND with a huge smile on his face...
These are some things I want to say at lunch with my honey today...

I have to disagree on the life insurance subject. You cannot buy an individual life policy on someone (even if you have an insurable interest in their life) without first having the proposed insured complete an application, undergo a paramed exam and take an AIDs test. Trust me, I know.

The only exception would be perhaps a mail order life policy with a face amount of $5,000 or $10,000, which won't do PB any good.

I'd recommend buying a life insurance policy on him (if he is insurable). If he smokes, it will cost at his age.

He needs permanent insurance - not term. This will also be expensive but he has a long-term financial obligation to his child of 20-25 years, so I would recommend a minimum premium universal life policy.

PB should be the owner - that is the most important thing. The owner controls everything on the policy and no one else can cancel it (as long as premiums are paid) and no one can change beneficiaries except for the owner.

PB should be owner and primary beneficiary with daughter as contingent beneficiary.

If he dies and the daughter is the primary beneficiary, PB would have to go through conservatorship and post a bond to be able to get any funds from the policy proceeds to raise her child.

PB, I know he didn't leave you out on purpose because you/baby were not in the picture. What he didn't think is leaving the door open in the event of a remarriage and more children. At least it doesn't sound like he could/would say to his son, now I want you sign 1/2 of house to my wife/baby. Or even if he did, would it happen?

Thank you June0000 for all that useful info. I wrote all that down for a reference when I am looking for a life-insurance policy, which I am now convinced I need to have for him. If he leaves us nothing else (property or will) then at least we will have that. I don't plan on him dyeing soon soon or anything, but I would feel more secure knowing that was in place.

Im so fed up with SS. I thought it was all done with - the cell phone situation that is. But him and his dad have the same name, and although I put a password in place and suspended his acct. that was all useless because we are all under HIM on the acct.! I should have checked on the social security number - it being under my husbands name means nothing because his son's name is the same as his. (usually he uses "JR." and the cell phone acct didn't say that so I just assumed that meant it was his dad's). He un-suspened himself and threw a fit with his dad. Tomorrow I am going in to start a new acct. under his dad's name and transfer myself and his dad and his dad's employees onto the new one and let Jr. have his own acct, own bill, own responsibility.

I cant stand him and I have never felt so hateful towards someone! It scares me how he like lights a fire inside of me- I have never been that way. I feel like I need anger management. I don't act out in anger but I get all these ideas of nasty things to do to him and I know that isn't good! (Like donating all his shoes which he has hundreds of pairs of and collects to the salvation army.) I wont do it but gosh I sure wanna do something.

PB,

How did it go at lunch today? Was hubby willing to talk about things?

Also, you never answered my question as to how he owes back child support if he was paying child support all along when the kids were under 18. I know you don't want to talk about these things, but I'm asking you as somebody who is concerned about your future. I would press my friends on the same issues. In fact, I would go down to the courthouse and look up the information for myself if it was a friend of mine in your situation. If I am wrong about your husband than I'm sorry, but I think you should be a little more skeptical about the things he is telling you.

"Also I just filed bankruptcy, and took her with me for that"

This really concerns me. Did both of you file for bankruptcy, or just you? If at some point in the next few years you find yourself on your own, the bankruptcy is going to haunt you, and make it difficult to rent an apartment or find a job. If he filed too, you do realize, I presume, that bankruptcy does not eliminate his child support obligations.

I'm sad to report that lunch didn't end up happening. He was running late with appointments and had a meeting. He promised to stay home tomorrow and go with me to deal with the cell phone issue and get my nails done and pedi. and then lunch to "talk". I have so much to say to him (and ask) since reading all the posts from you ladies on here...

I just asked him as he sat watching TV and I am typing away- about the CS issue, and started out by asking if he payed for last month or not and then asking him to tell me again why he owed so much. His reply was that he has so much CS to pay because his attorney wasn't there in court for him when the judgment was passed. If no one is there to object the charges, then the judgment is passed and whatever amount she and her attorney was asking, they get. That is what he just told me. He has said in the past that it was a big f@#% up on his attorneys part- but never explained it in full like he did just now. Makes more sense to me now.

No both of us didn't file. Just me. I had alot of debt from living off of credit cards while putting myself through Beauty school and just being careless with my spending after. I have always had to pay my own way ever since I was 16. My parents provided us with opportunities with which to earn money from home when we were that young and with that money we bough our own clothes and other things we wanted. I was raised in an Amish community - and there wasn't much of a focus of material things. When I was on my own at 18 and bought my first car and could dress how I wanted and do as I liked, I rebelled and went crazy -so to speak -with spending and not realizing what I was doing. So I was in a hole big-time when I met my man, who did not want to pay off my debt. I understood why- it wasn't his responsibility, it was mine and now I am learning the hard way what happens when you spend money you don't have.

I am thinking now about going to the courthouse and just making sure what he said is true about him not being there and the judgment being passed for that amount because no one was there to object. I would feel awful if he found out I did that though. He would think that I really distrust him- which I don't really... and I'm just scared I'm going to run into someone he knows there or something and then it get back to him that I was at the courthouse...

Your HUSBAND let you file BANKRUPTCY???!!!! This entire situation is insane!!!

Do you understand the repurcussions of filing bankruptcy?

Why didn't YOUR HUSBAND pay the bills?

His dad even pays for his cell phone, truck, truck insurance, utilities, food and no he does not charge him rent.

What is WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??!!!!

Please, call TODAY and see if you can withdraw your filing. If you just filed recently, it has most likely not been processed. You DO NOT want a bankruptcy haunting you for the next 7 - 10 years!

"judgment is passed and whatever amount she and her attorney was asking, they get"

Child Support, in my experience, is determined by the judge based on income difference and custody arrangement. Of all the court cases we've been through there was never an amount asked for, that is up to the judge.

He is a provider and makes sure the home and family is well taken care of (groceries bought, houscleaners and landscapers employed and the way that he worships his kids leaves me seeing it as impossible for him to have been negligent in the past with providing financially for his family.

He is supporting his 25 year old son with housing, truck, cell phone, and "cash when he asks for it", he is paying housecleaners and landscapers, yet let (talked you into????) filing for BANKRUPTCY.

How much credit card debt could you have acquired by the time you are only 26, especially if you were in school for part of that time, and, one assumes, never had a three figure income?

I am finding this whole thing a bit hard to believe. You said you could, if necessary, go back and live with your mother (she is, I take it, still Amish?), but how could you do that if you ever divorced? I doubt if you would be welcomed back into the community. New Order or Old Order? I assume you didn't get baptized before you left?

No Amish woman I have ever met would have had such a cavalier attitude about infidelity or divorce. Few Amish who leave completely ditch every belief they have grown up with.

sieryn is right about the determination of child support. Every state has guidelines, and even judges can't just award any amount they feel like. They certainly don't award whatever the plaintiff asks for when the defendant doesn't show up. In addition, there are federal laws (maybe case law?) that apply, limiting the maximum percentage of the NCP's income that can be required to be paid.

What exactly is your husband providing for you as you raise his child? He is not even willing to pay (or even loan you money for) the minimum payments on your credit cards in order to keep you from ruining your credit? Do you have a car of your own (I guess not, if you share it with your SS). What would you do if your husband died or kicked you out tomorrow, with no available credit, no money in your own account?, no job, and no nearby family?

TOS,

I agree. This story just keeps getting more and more bizarre and unbelievable. I've struggled with the story but but the Amish part has me fairly convinced that someone is playing a big joke on all of us.

Practices of the Amish:

"The "rumspringa" is the right and tradition of every Amish teenager. This tradition provides that a teenager may be able to explore the outside world before committing themselves completely, as an adult to the community. And lastly, the topic of this article is what the Amish refer to as meidung banishment, or being shunned by the community to which they belong. Not returning to the Amish culture after a "rumspringa will result in shunning. In the practice designed to help a teenager make a personal, spiritual choice, one of the considerations must be turning permanently away from everything the teenager has ever known.

All communication and contact with anyone in the community is forbidden for someone shunned from the Amish culture. Meidung, by my speculation, has to be the most feared potential aspect of the life of an Amish individual. As a matter of fact, the practice of shunning is a factor in what separated the Amish from the Mennonites in the year 1693. Marrying outside of the faith is one, automatic reason to shun an Amish man or woman. Otherwise, being banished is usually followed by a certain number of serious warnings. Some Amish communities are, of course, more lenient than others in terms of their limits that when breeched by an individual will necessitate his or her meidung."

Can you tell us what happened, PB?

I had that thought, too, but if OP is not real, she's a very good writer, both in terms of plot & in terms of sincerity.

Maybe she's a big furry policeman practicing before posing as a teen-aged girl on a site to catch sexual predators.

*But*:
there are naive, sincere, sweet young girls who venture into the world without the support & protection of their families.
They are ideal targets for people like this husband.
& she really sounds sincere, & the chain of events really sounds genuine, right down to her husband "not being able" to have lunch with her but promising to take her to lunch later & treat her to a manicure.

I'd rather accept someone at face value than blow off a person who may be entangled in the kind of web that guys like this weave:

One of the ways abusers take power is to wreck the credibility of their victims.

If nothing else, an Amish upbringing credibly explains this young woman's heartbreaking niavety.

Sorry PB - But your husband's explanations of his child support situation don't make sense. As other posters already pointed out, the judge doesn't just rule in favor of the only party that shows up. And even if the judge did rule unfairly, the ruling would still be for a MONTHLY payment, and it would take YEARS of non-payment to work up to such a huge arrearage. And child support judgements are contestable, meaning your husband could have gone back to court at any time to have the judgement reduced if it weren't reasonable. He gave you an (unlikely) explanation for why his CS payments are high -- but NO REASON at all for why he didn't pay them. He didn't answer your question, and by not being available for lunch, he evaded your other questions as well. I'll bet anything that Friday doesn't get your questions answered either...

You say you fully understand his reluctance to assume responsibility for your debt. OK - I get that.
But he has saddled you with full responsibility for HIS debt.
Where's the fairness in that?

PB - My parents were the most ethical and upstanding people I have ever met. They were wonderful role models and I strive to live up to their examples. I imagine your upraising was similar in that respect -- that there was a clear code of moral conduct that almost everyone lived up to, and that transgressions were relatively infrequent and relatively minor. That sounds ideal, until you realize how unprepared it leaves us for dealing with people who are skilled at deceiving others. People like you (and formerly me - I'm older and a bit wiser) are easy targets for 'snake oil salesmen' -- people who look good on the surface but operate by a completely different moral code. Your "handsome, charming" husband is one of these, and he's using his good looks and smooth-talking ways to take advantage of you.

I agree, and I'd rather error on the side of reaching out to someone and being hoodwinked than not, but:

1. PB doesn't seem to be bothered at all by the moral insufficiencies in her husband's character that she has described in her own words. Even when pointed out to her, she doesn't seem to be bothered by any of it. She doesn't "see" what's wrong with the situation.

2. PB doesn't seem to be bothered by her own personal bankruptcy. She made a choice to be a stay-at-home Mom, rather than to get a job to pay off the debts she incurred. She's indicated she went to beauty school. She's said she has a housekeeper and gardener. But she isn't working. Granted, she has a baby, but most women with debt and babies will work to pay their debts and do what they need to do to avoid bankruptcy.

3. What seems to bother PB the most is what she stated in her initial post - she and SS do not get along. And that is all.

Because of #1 and #2, I'm having difficulty with the Amish part of her life. An Amish woman would know the difference between right and wrong and the things that were wrong would be unbearable for her to live with. There is no indication of that from PB.

That goes beyond being naive and is something entirely quite different in my opinon.

The very fact that her moral compass has gone awry may indicate that she's entirely smitten, entirely under the spell, of an older more savvy male.

A smart friend, male, once asked me,
"Why did you do that incredibly stupid thing?
Wait.
I know.
You were 'in love'."

It's very easy for women/girls to be snowed by a man they (we) 'love'.

Our moral compasses, our sense of self-preservation, our ties to the real world, all go flying out the window;
all we can see is the image of the beloved & all we can hear is the lies he tells us.

& we believe him.

An Amish *woman* *might* know the difference, but if she were bowled over & in love, even a mature Amish woman might lose her bearings.

A very young girl, who is bonded to the guy by having a baby with him, would be easy pickings.

Again, a really good way to take power away from your human prey is to wreck her credibility:

Make her believe such incredible things that no one believes her when she repeats them.

I do beleive PB is legitmately reaching out for help. I do think sometime real posters exagerate (maybe they just see things a little differently). Maybe PBs mom lives in a quiet rural community, and to PB, that is the same as Amish. I also was a little perplexed that PB lives near her Grandma, but not near her mom (who is purportedly Amish). All that being said, yes, some men are Svengalis, and take advantage of trusting young women. That is why everyone is begging PB to reach out, make friends, find out the real story, keep up her career, etc.

"If I went to the courthouse and found out that she left him for abuse or cheating - I would not be surprised. Not that he is abusive, but she is crazy."

see how easy it is to wreck someone's credibility?

"I dont think there is any crime in what he has done- which is protect his assets from someone who basically wants to rob him of everything he has worked hard for because of bitterness she harbors from all the cheating (which by the way she knew about during the whole marrage- therefore she is the stupid one for staying for so long with someone who she obviously knew didnt love her and who cheated on her repeatedly."

& see how easy it is to blame a victim for your bad behavior & for her own pain?

I am so surprised that so many of you see my story as "unbelievable" - I guess it is a bit uncommon to see someone who was raised in an Amish community in a public forum (I guess I should not be up-to-date enough to know how to use a computer?) and who is with a man twice her age and has problems with his son, but this is my life! It is really real, and if you don't believe it then thats fine. I don't really care. Trying to sound believable isn't a concern of mine- If its real for me in my life and it isn't believable to someone else than whatever... I have bigger issues to concern myself with.
Thanks June0000 for all that info about the Amish. I have to say that I didn't even know in detail how they went about ex-communicating people. As a teen in the community, I didn't really care about all of that. I cared more about catching glimpses of TVs when out of the community with my mom and sisters or of listening to the radio and not being caught- and of course working in the garden and home school and trying to make friends with kids who would rather speak German (or Pennsylvania Dutch) than English - and therefore being left-out most of the time because of that. My parents weren't born Amish and they adopted the lifestyle when I was little. And no my family doesn't live in Tn. anymore and are not part of a menonite OR Amish community anymore.
Anyways- I'm exhausted and don't have the energy for this anymore... I talked to my husband today - he took the morning off. He agreed that there needs to be a will made - and he will do it - he said he just has trouble making the time. But I told him he needs to make it a priority. He refinanced two of the houses and did so under a friend of his's name because he had better credit than his son. So now none of the houses are in SS name. My husband's credit is not good enough to get him an interest rate that he can afford so thats why he has his things in his friend's name now. Not to hide from the ex. I was under the wrong impression I guess and I feel bad for sharing what I thought with all of you when it wasn't the case anymore. I'm glad to be updated on what is going on...
Oh and HE brought up a life insurance policy and said that I need to start checking around for one. With the info shared by June0000 I'm going to search for one.
Sorry for my "unbelievable" life. I also would like to not believe certain parts of it are true too.... but they are.

Just saw the new posts from silviatexas, kkny and june0000... I guess I do sound pretty stupid and naive to all of you. Maybe I am. I don't know what to do. I love my husband- (obviously or else I would not be with him) and while I know he is not a perfect person (which no one is) I want to see the good in him and not dwell on his shortcomings- same as I would want him to do with me. I don't want him to dwell on bad choices Ive made in the past and I would hope that he would want to search out the good in me and love me FOR that and love me IN SPITE of what I have done wrong or what character flaws I have. I do believe 100% that I am smitten with him. And your quote silviatexas from your friend about being in love is really funny to me because my husband says something similar to that whenever I mess something up - like dinner for instance- I cooked the chicken for too long a few nights ago and it was dry and he just laughed and said "you must be in love." (Maybe thats why it was overcooked, but I think mostly it ws because I had a crying baby I was trying to attend to at the same time!)
Some of you think my moral compass has gone awry - which I don't understand at all! What have I done that is morally wrong?? I understand that my husband was a TERRIBLE husband to his first wife- (not convinced that he was to the second) and I NEVER in a million years thought I would fall so hard for someone who had been married TWICE and who had a kid MY AGE and who was a big-time CHEATER! Just saying all those things makes my stomach turn. But then I look at him and all my disgust melts away cause I love him so much for what he is TO ME and not what he was to other women in his past.

The amount I owed was alot (nearly $20,000.00) and I was really sick through most of my pregnancy - which resulted in me loosing my job and now I am a full-time mom and don't want to leave my baby with anyone. My husband also wants me to stay at home with our little one which is the only way I would have it. If he would have said he wanted to have a baby with me but he wanted me to keep my job and hire a babysitter- I would not have gotten pregnant.
Some of my interest rates on my CC debts were 50% and I was only paying off the interest monthly on each one and was behind on payments and just really in a bad situation.
I live near my grandma because I moved here (not really to MOVE but to come and stay) with her when she had major heart surgery- then I met my man and stayed. My mom lives states away with my sisters. She does not like where we live and would never move here. She is a country person, as am I actually. But I see where we live a temporary and we talk about him retiring and us moving to someplace with woods and land and long dirt roads...

Oh and we were in a REAL Amish community- (hats - bonnets, horse and buggy and all. My family had a car though and we WERE accepted in as one of them inspite of that) My grandma never was and is a stylish and very modern 80+ year old lady. Only my immediate family lived that lifestyle and they gradually began leaving those ways behind the older us girls got and the more we rebelled and then the move that we made took us out of "Amish Country" although one of the Amish families did move with us.

PB,

The reason people are having a hard time believing you is that your story is getting more and more outrageous and you are sounding more and more nieve with every post. Assuming you are for real...you can also find out whose name the property is in if you go to the courthouse. What state do you live in? You could probably get all of that information online, esspecially if you are in a metropolitan area. I still think he isn't being truthful with you. If the friend had the Mortgage in his name, he can still Quitcliam his interest back to your hubby. This story is just not adding up!

for the most part I have chosen to stay out of this one but I will say one thing...

No one should be loved IN SPITE of their bad choices or habits but loved because of them; because every bad choice or bad habit (and, obviously, all of the good ones) are what makes them the person they are today. I would loathe to think that someone loved my in spite of something .....instead of just loving me ALL of me no matter what.

I see your point "mom of 4" - but doesn't it seem a little weird to love someone for the mistakes they made and to love them for the bad choices they have made? Where is hate the sin but love the sinner? I'm sorry but I don't love him for doing things wrong, I love him for who he is inspite of what he has done wrong.

like for example if your husband come to you and said "I lied to you yesterday about something" Would you reply "I love you for lyeing to me" -I wouldn't. I think I would say something more along the lines of "well that was wrong but I love you even though you did that."

pb - some men like young women. They're loving and attentive until that young woman turns into a middle-aged woman. This may not be true of your DH, but you might want to keep an eye out for that.

As for the house -- it's his son's house, not yours or DH's. Your husband has made sure of that.

If DH has the financial means, you might want to think about purchasing another home, just for the two of you. If he does not have the means to purchase another house, you might want to think about getting insurance on DH, because when he dies, you will be left high and dry.

If DH refuses to move into another home or get insured, then I would question just how much this person cares for you and your little one. "Actions speak louder than words."

Now I am really confused. You can't refinance a house that doesn't belong to you. If the house is in his son's name, his father couldn't refinance it in his friend's name.

Were your parents baptized as Amish? If so, they couldn't own a car if the ordnung prohibited it. Where they Beachy Amish , in which case the other church members would be able to own cars as well? Or did you mean your parents lived a mostly plain lifestyle and were just accepted as friends?

He can refinance a house - and put it into someone else's name who has better credit than his son- and thats what he did. Thats what I was told. How it all works, I don't know. I'm not in rel-estate nor do I work in the mortgage and financing business.

As for the Amish issue (which isn't really one!) No my parents weren't baptized Amish. In my 12 years living in the Amish community and with an Amish family living IN our home, I never witnessed an Amish baptism. What is Beachy Amish? And "ordnung"? Never mind- I don't care really. I'm not interested in the Amish lifestyle, their practices or beliefs. Ive had my fill of that for one life-time.
As for you not believe that I grew up in an Amish community- thats ok. I see disbelief in peoples eyes whenever my husband brings it up (which he likes very much to do.) I have bleached blond hair and an augmented chest (which is new and I LOVE) and never go without wearing heels. Not exactly the epitome of an Amish girl..

Ok - now I am really trying to understand. The husband put two houses in his friend's name so his friend (with a better credit score) could refinance. So his friend is on the deeds and the mortgages.

Why would his friend take on two mortgages? He would undoubtedly know that PB's husband is $50,000 in the hole on back child support, obviously doesn't have a good credit record and also that PB doesn't have a job and recently declared bankrupty.

He would also know that if PB's husband doesn't pay the mortgage(s), he has to pay.

Is the friend "leasing" the houses to you and your husband? A lease would provide you with at least some landlord tenant protection. Without a lease, he could call the sheriff and have everyone thrown out tomorrow.

What an arrangement!

Yes June0000, there are tenants in the houses. I am surprised what an interest this subject has sparked. I don't think our friend is aware that my husband has back CS to pay - and no, we don't publicize the fact that I filed bankruptcy (although I just announced it to the world on here- but thankfully you don't know who I am- I would be embarrassed if you did.) Yes of course our friend knows that if my husband doesn't pay, then he would have to - but thankfully we have tenants in the house.
He would never have us "thrown out" as you put it. He is the kindest and most Christ-like human being I have ever met.

He'll throw you out if you don't pay the mortgages. I promise.

I'm having a hard time believing that someone who was in dire enough straights to file for banktruptcy recently would go out and pay for a new set of boobs.

PB, if you had to sum it all up, what are your three biggest concerns in life?

Does the friend own the house(s) jointly with your husband, or by himself? If your H's son was on the mortgage and deed, he would have had to sell the house to his father's friend to pay off the mortgage. This whole thing doesn't make any sense.

Of course you wouldn't have witnessed a baptism - not being Amish, you wouldn't have been present. I am getting the impression that you didn't go to an Amish school, speak low German, attend church at the houses of Amish families - in short, you weren't any more Amish than my family was when we lived in an Amish community and had some Amish friends.

You guys are turning mean and I feel like I am constantly having to defend myself and explain myself - only to be disbelieved in the end.
Sorry I am not making any sense. I didn't know that I was so ignorant until now.
Thanks for the advice about the SS in the beginning and for the advise about life-insurance.
By the way- I emailed Kate dot blue and got no response.
Goodbye

I did respond.

"I have bleached blond hair and an augmented chest (which is new and I LOVE) and never go without wearing heels. "

Kinda figured with the name PINKBUNNY.I really dont think anyone is trying to be mean,though.I think you see it that way cuz we have lots of questions that you cant answer.I dont think it's your fault,you probably dont KNOW what is really going on.
Look,the ladies here really do give good advice.Most of them have been through a lot,so they have much exprience.
They are only trying to help you see what you cannot,and learn from it,and know how to protect yourself.
I dont think you are lying about your life.I have had people accuse me of the same before,so I know how you feel.
It's just most people dont hear stuff like this everyday so it's hard for them to beileve.

Actually it is your husband's explanations that aren't making any sense.

It is difficult to understand the situation without having sufficient background information initially, and when additional relevant pieces of information keep popping up.

Do you have a password that no one else knows?

If not, husband or his son may have read & deleted weed's email.

PB,

I'm not trying to be mean, and I don't think anyone else is either. We've spent considerable time trying to help you and none of us is getting paid for posting here.

What alarmed me, and most likely others, is that you have told us of your husband's past history of cheating, etc. and I think most of us are fearful that you don't seem to fully realize what you've gotten yourself into.

At the tender age of 26 you have completely put your life under this man's total control. His past is checkered and you have told us this yourself. And we all know that the stripes on a tiger do not change and you are being sailed down the river and you don't even seem to realize it. Look at what is happening to you:

1. You have no assets - your husband signed them over to a friend to play games with refinancing (shady deal at best) and you don't seem to think there is anything wrong with this. You also don't seem overly concerned about how this affects you and your baby.

2. You have recently declared bankruptcy over $20,000 in credit card debt. Your credit is ruined for at least 10 years - don't believe the story about it being erased in 7 years. That's simply not true. And your explanation about wanting to be a stay-at-home Mom (thus the reason for not going back to work to pay off your debts)is not something that most people would consider a compelling reason to declare bankruptcy.

3. It sounds as if after you declared bankruptcy, you had breast augmentation. That is not covered by insurance and the cost usually ranges from $10,000 to $20,000. That money would have made a big dent in the debt you left others to cover. It wasn't just the credit card companies who paid when you declared bankruptcy. We all pay with higher fees. I don't think you seem to realize this.

You seem to be nice person but the things you have told us are beyond bizarre. They are alarming. What I'm trying to figure out is how much your husband had to do with you declaring bankruptcy and then having breast augmentation surgery.

To me, those two things outside of anything else are HUGE character issues. I can understand how an older man can totally manipulate a much younger, naive woman and talk her into things like this.

Is that what happened? Do you see what is wrong with the picture? Do you think if you continue on this path that you will end up with any future happiness and security?

That is why most of us are concerned for you. Most of us are old enough to be your mother. I know that I am. I have a stepdaughter who is your exactly your age that I love dearly and sometimes she still needs to be protected.

What I'm trying to figure out is are you that naive or are you a willing party to what's gone on?

PB,

I am not old enough to be your mother...I'm only 3 years older than you are. But, I do deal with real estate legal issues on a daily basis. I can tell you that it would be very easy to check to see if he is telling you the truth about your home and who owns it. This is very important because if you are having a hard time dealing with the son you need to know where you stand legally as far as ownership of the home. If, as I suspect the home IS actually in the son's name, and not in the friends name, you should know that. I think your hubby is telling you stories about the ownership of the home in order to get you to stop asking questions. Because the behavior of your SS is abusive, you should know where you stand. It is VERY simple to find all of this out if you want to. As far as a will goes...if he has no assets in his name, what good would it do for him to make out a will? He can't will a home to you if it doesn't legally belong to him in the first place.

If one of my friends were in your situation, I would advise her to at least do what it takes to have an understanding of where she stands legally and I would want her to find out what the truth is.

Odds are very slim that you would run into one of your husband's friends at the Courthouse unless he is involved in a business where that would be a regular thing for them. If you do, tell them or him that you were there to tie up some lose ends on the bankruptcy situation. Or at the very least, look it up online. If you tell me what County and State you live in, I could probably direct you to the online information for the County in which you live.

It's important for you to know for sure that he is telling you the truth about his situation. I don't think he is, but if you think he is, what would it hurt to find out?

Let us know how the talk went today!

Pinkbunny,

Thank you so much for your story. I was enthralled for the last hour reading, amazed at the twists and turns. I loved how everytime someone made a legitimate point you had a pat answer to fill in the blanks.

There is a lot of good advice in the posts for people who really need it. You, however, are a figment of some clever person's imagination. Perhaps a shut-in with nothing to do and all the time in the world to do it? You really should attempt to write a romance novel.

But I really have been having fun imaging what a bleached blonde, large chested high heel wearing bankrupt 26 year old Amish mother looks like. I know you're reading this, so thanks for the laughs.

LOL....

Pinkbunny sounds exactly like a young woman whose parents tried to shelter/protect her from the world & who rebelled & went as far in the other direction as possible, without having the street smarts a more worldly lifestyle requires.

& her husband sounds exactly like the kind of person who would know how to to manipulate such a young woman.

Pinkbunny, it concerns me that you haven't posted since Friday's scheduled talk with your husband.

Please let us know how it went.

Irrelevant and yet somewhat noteworthy...anyone notice that the "mom camp" and the "stepmom camp" stood shoulder-to-shoulder? Granted, there wasn't much provocative "stepfamily" issues involved so there wasn't much to fight about and yet the concept gave me pause...we can interact quite well with one another apart from our stepfamily issues.

Pinkbunny, please know that it is very difficult to determine if people are who they say they are, however, if you have been truthful and you came here seeking help please know that you are in my thoughts and I'm hoping for the best for you. If you came here for any other reason then thanks for the distraction from our usual problems.

I've gone back and forth on the issue of whether PB is for real or if she is the figment of someone's creative imagination.

If PB's for real, perhaps she's thinking about what everyone has posted and letting it digest. I don't think she is gone forever, though. We'll hear from her again, I feel pretty sure of that.

Sleeperblues... your post is exactly why I wanted to end my postings here. I dont understand how someone can be so disbelieving. I wish you all knew how real I am.

Silivatexas... your post is the reason I am writing again. Thanks for believing that there is a slight chance that I am in fact a real girl ("Woman" if you want but I dont think that word quite fits me yet).

As far as how the "talk" went... I guess it wasnt clear earlier when I wrote about it saying:

"I talked to my husband today - he took the morning off. He agreed that there needs to be a will made - and he will do it - he said he just has trouble making the time. But I told him he needs to make it a priority. He refinanced two of the houses and did so under a friend of his's name because he had better credit than his son. So now none of the houses are in SS name. My husband's credit is not good enough to get him an interest rate that he can afford so thats why he has his things in his friend's name now. Not to hide from the ex. I was under the wrong impression I guess and I feel bad for sharing what I thought with all of you when it wasn't the case anymore. I'm glad to be updated on what is going on...
Oh and HE brought up a life insurance policy and said that I need to start checking around for one. With the info shared by June0000 I'm going to search for one."

The post on October 8 was the only one sleeperblues made.

Pinkbunny, I wish you the best.

Pinkbunny,

If you are really someone that is seeking help, you have received A LOT of great advice from people here. I really do wish you the best. I am still having a hard time believing everything, but I guess that is just my own skepticism.