I apparently didn't make myself clear about the respect thing. I'm not asking these kids to call me "mom", I'm not asking them to go out of their way to make sure I'M happy. Being a teenager once myself I understand that right now in their lives I am not important. But as justnotmartha stated I am looking for some appreciation, maybe a 'thankyou' here and there. These kids seem to think that everything should be given to them. I think I blame my husband and the X for this, my parents taught me when I was growing up to be polite and respectful of others, where has that gone?! I don't think that it is too much to ask to be included. The rest of the family considers me to be a part. Take a picture and then later delete it if you don't want it. As far as being nurturing to these 2 kids, I was there when they cried , when they were sick I took care of them. When I say that I did everything that a BM would or should do, I mean that I did everything. And yes the BM has and has had a drinking problem. When my SD was 16 years old her BM would call her and have her come pick her up at the bar at 2:00 in the morning. She would have to sit out in a dark parking lot surrounded by drunks waiting for her and told her not to say anything to her dad. Gee, if this is what I have to do to be considered MOM, I'll pass!!!

It is unfair of you to say that my DD is unreasonably demanding. Go back and read what I originally wrote about her New Zealand trip. There is a huge difference in what my SD24 did and what my DD did. My SD24 planned in her mind a 7 night cruise to Hawaii, which would mean that air flights from Wisconsin to California would have to be included in the trip, as she lives in Wisconsin. The price that she expected us to pay was for the entire trip, it would be at least $5000. My DD said that she would like to take the $1000, that we were offering each child, and apply hers to her New Zealand trip. We said we didn't care where they took a trip, as long as it was without children. We were not paying for a family vacation. The trip was offered as a weekend getaway for the couple only. We said right up fron that if the kids go, we do not pay anything. My daughter did not ask for a trip to New Zealand from us. She was already planning a trip there, and wondered if the cash could be applied to her already planned trip. We offered this trip because we wanted to do something nice for our children for their 5th anniversary. I do not feel that we are trying to buy love. My daughter did not ask for money, it was offered to her first. She only clarified with me how she could use the money that I offered to her. It is OK for SD24 to clarify details of the weekend getaway that we'd offered her too. But she only heard that her brother was going on a cruise, and translated that to a cruise for her too. We'll send her on the same 3 day cruise out of San Diego as we sent her brother. Her brother got himself to San Diego, he happens to live nearby. The problem with her, is that she made the assumption that whatever she planned, how ever long it was, or where ever it went, that Daddy would pay. Far different from what my daughter did. And now that the first kid took the trip, we can't very well retract the offer for the others. This will be the last offer of anything like that after they've all gotten their turn. As far as buying something for DD and not for SD, well they are keeping score. If they hear of something that I did for my kids, and not for them, then there are problems. I mailed a "care package" to my son in the Marines while he was in Iraq. At the same time my DHs daughter was 200 miles away in graduate school. I didn't see this as the same situation, but I was newly married, and didn't want to cause waves over a care package. It seemed like my DH wanted me to send one to his DD too. So, I did. I get an email for DS23 for Iraq telling me that he shared the brownies with the rest of his troops, and they all said thanks. He said they lasted about 5 minutes. The culture on base in Iraq, is when you get a package, you share. 2 weeks went by and I heard nothing from DS25. My DH phoned her and asked her if she got the package or not. She said yes, but was to busy to call and thank me. I never bothered to send her another one. My son now is in Somolia, and I send him one about every 4-6 weeks. If he starts taking them for granted, I'll stop with him too, but he hasn't. It's OK to disagree on the forum, but I think we should be curtious to each other. I don't think we should write something here that we would most likely not say to someone's face. I think we should share our experiences to help each other, but refrain from telling others how wrong they are just because they don't do it our way.

If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead.

Thanks for replying to my post. Looking back, that's what my Dad and Stepmother should have done - set up trusts for each child. I know my Dad did have some misgivings, but my stepsister was an Attorney and I think she planned this whole thing out. She knew their Wills were not good enough to do what they wanted with their estates. Well, there was a lot of fishy stuff going on. Signatures not matching up. Her lawyer witnessing the Will. Really odd stuff. The Attorney's I contacted agreed to all that, but since money was tied up outside the reach of the courts, it would have cost me too much money to go after it. One thing step-sis the attorney didn't do was contact all the heirs within the established timeframes allowed under the statutes of Ohio. Because of that I wrote a letter to the Probate Court Judge and asked how I would file a complaint against her. Guess what happened? Instead of the Court sending me the information, I received a letter from the Judge's assistant. He had contacted step-sis and her attorney and asked them about it. They told him there were no assets so they didn't have to contact anyone! (later on we did find out there were assets and they did have to go to probate). I thought what the court did was odd - I thought my letter to them would be confidential since I only asked for information. Let's say I was upset when I got the Court's response. I was so angry I decided to do a bit of investigating on the Internet. I was able to find out that the Judge's daughter was also an Attorney - and that she worked for the same Law Firm as step-sister's Attorney. Small world isn't it! And you're correct in saying that folks don't value personal integrity anymore. It's a shame that people can do this to others and they have absolutely no conscience at all. Step-Mom and Step-Sis knew I had lots of medical problems and would have to retire early on a small pension. I know my step-mom was very concerned - Dad too. Sigh. She'll get what she's due sometime. My Dad used to say - "What goes around, comes around." And I do have one more "payback" card that I'm holding up my sleeve - if I want to use it in the future. You see Step-sis is involved in Politics. She works for the City of Cleveland. If I ever see that she's running for office, I'm going send my packet of information to the press. I saved everything related to this case. I have plenty of documents. If I were a voter, I would want to know about the personal integrity of people running for office. Wouldn't you? So I'll keep monitoring the Cleveland newspapers and watch and wait. Ken