mom2emall... you are not alone in that... have you read the message I left for sweeby? It deals with the same issues.

You can't change mom only how you deal with her. Hubby had a judge order her to stop ... but we document everything keep a log of what they are saying.

Sadly, I think that's pretty darn common.

In its kindest light, I suppose she does want to be sure they are happy, being treated well, and are being raised in a loving home.

At it's worst, she's looking for chinks in the armor and building a case against you.

Somewhere in the middle, she's probably thinking that her own life is a miserable mess and hoping that her Ex's boat has as many leaks so she won't feel like such a loser.

Mom2emall -- These are the same kids that had bedwetting problems when they returned? No surprise... Do you think they are old enough to say "That's too many questions Mom. I don't want to talk about it any more." if she tries that stuff again.

The wise ladies above pegged this one, too. BM is hoping you and her ex have difficulties. Yeah, she could have been partly concerned for the kids - wanting to be sure they were well treated, etc. However, if she had the slightest inkling that anything out of the ordinary was going on, I'm sure, being the GREAT mother that she is (lol), she'd have paid you an unexpected visit to check it out....so, she basically knew she'd get no dirt and that's probably why she became angry!

Do your best to not ask them anything, but lend an ear if they want to talk. They need some normalcy now.

My heart bleeds for them,
Dana

BM does the EXACT SAME THING. She gets what DH and I call 'liquid courage' ie. Captian Morgan and harasses them until she can get some small detail that she finds to be wrong on our part and calls to pick a fight.

Its horrible to put the kids through that, we've actually had to call the police on her for this. Was harassing the kids not letting them go to bed, scaring them etc.. has even gone so far as to tell them to 'say daddy is mean to you so you can live with me'.

Cawfecup is right, can't control what she does...can just document it for round #2 in court.

Why on earth would any mother put there children through something like that! That is ridiculous to mentally abuse your children in such a matter, which in my opinion is what she is doing. There is asking a simple question of making sure they are happy there and they are treated well.

Mom2emall you have your hands full with this lady. I think the ladies before me are right, do not bring it up to her just document document document, so in case you do have to go back to court you will have your basis covered.

Good luck!

Sad thing angelz it happens more often than you would think... the kids get so torn up they don't know who they can trust or talk to. Luckily my SC and mom2emall's SC say whats going on ... now I just say mommy is very angry and when people are angry they say and do dumb things.

I was finally fed up with her saying stuff to the kids ... after the kids came home saying mommy makes us say bad stuff about you into a tape recorder. I called their therapists and 2 weeks later at another court date ... hubby had the judge order her to stop emotionaly abusing the children or her visitation would be revoked. The therapists have to report to the court any incidents that are aware of.

Into a tape recorder!?

Truly, I can understand the temptation, but to sink sooooo low! That really IS emotional abuse.

Good for you for handling it the way you did.

The court date was already in place. I don't know why she was doing that other than to try and make the kids "hate" me. She never brought it up denied it to the judge.

The therapists told the judge what the children were saying.

She really is a piece of work!!!

She did thank me for teaching the 12 yo how to shop for and cook dinner... he cooks for the "family" when they are at her house. They can all plan a meal... and make a shopping list for that meal. :-) (Wednesday night is kids night)

It just shocks me, I guess I never grew up in an environment where I was subjected to that sort of treatment. But I guess I should expect it I have a feeling that my DH's ex might do the same thing when his DD is old enough. But I hope she's mature enough not to!

ooh cawfe-- off subject but I love love love the kids night idea...

My hubbies ex did the same thing to her kids and they live with her!! she's a psycho! and completely obsessive..
She's quieted down now but the holidays are comign up..i'm sure she will find something.
IF the ex continues to do this on their visits, call child services and make a court order to stop her from doing this behaviour. IF she doesn't stop then she doesn't see her kids. simple.
Kids do not deserve to be drilled...they should have fun and do activities and not have to worry and be involved in the adult cr*p.

I will say this though...

It is almost impossible to expect that the same irresponsible careless and self centered person that causes so much trouble in other areas of life would not succumb to what basically amounts to forced gossip sessions...

especially when (as my hubby and I have discussed) sometimes you are just dieing to question the kids on what happened when you werent around... it is difficult to be the 'grown up' and realize you just cant do this to the kids (which ofcourse we never do)

But you are adult enough to admit that the thought has crossed your mind! And adult enough not to have done so. That make you and DH bigger people then her. Smile and know that you can offer the children that much in terms of normalcy.