I'd stop inviting her.

However, YOU are the one making YOU feel bad by your reaction to her inability to appear. Maybe she really doesn't want to go and is just unable to say "No" whne invited.

I would suggest that you take the high road! That is the answer to every dilemma I think - always take the high road.

If you want to go to her functions, go. If you do not want to go, don't go! However, make sure you always tell her you won't be there in advance. Continue to invite her to your functions, but don't expect her to come. She will continue to not show up, but she will never be able to make you the fall guy: "Well I would've come, but you didn't invite me!" This way, it's on her shoulders. The rest of the family will certainly see (if they haven't already) that she is avoiding your functions. Don't ever ask her why she wasn't there, pretend you didn't even miss her. It'll kill her!!!
P

Pashan,
Great points. Yes, the family already sees this. See lost her brain or ability to make decisions since she married this guy. Talk about a totally different person jeeez. I dont really think it is her its her "boss". Oh well THATS another post.. lol

Eeeewww, that's a bad situation then. I think everyone here either has a family member in that situation or has been in that situation him or herself. It stinks! I feel badly for someone who isn't allowed to think for him or herself. Sure sign of worse things to come I believe.

However, my advice remains the same, keep inviting her. When she does get rid of the "boss" then she won't feel like she has to "crawl" back to your functions, she will still feel welcome if you leave that proverbial welcome mat out for her.

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P,
I dont feel bad for her at all. She is a grown women. She chooses to live like that. I would never allow any man to run my life like she does. You are very right about "when she does get rid of the boss" that will be one divorce I will dance in the streets over.

Well, you could just talk to her about it...ask her what her problem is.. Well, a bit more diplomatic than that....but it obviously bothers you, so why hold it in?

Some people like to lead more private lives when they are married or attached and others think they are trapped or "whipped." D and I are very private people and we often turn down invitations to things. We're not always in the mood to be social. Often, we turn down the invite without an explanation or we make something up. It's easier than telling people you're not in the mood. Maybe she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings... But you'll never know what it is till you ask...so ASK...

Jennifer,
Its always a different excuse. When they do come she is having a good time and he rushes her out the door. Always some stupid excuse. Its not that she lives a private life or is whipped. She cannot do anything without running it by him. This is something I am totally against. She was not like this before. Its not a big issue. I just posted it to see what others thought because I never really have any problems of my own lol. I guess the only part that bugs me is I hate going to her house and I feel obligated because its family. That has changed over this summer. I am now a "private" person.lol

On a practical level, if you invite her and she doesn't come, you get the same result as not inviting her. Since you know that already, take the high road and invite her, just don't count on her to come. It is just the polite thing to do.

For her parties, I wouldn't stop going completely, but that is just me. If I'm invited to a function, I almost always go and make an appearance. There are always people I would like to talk to even if it is just for an hour or two.

BTW - This sounds like the beginning of every abuse story I have ever heard. Maybe it won't get to the point of physical abuse, but that was my first thought reading what you wrote.

I agree with Billl. The beginning of an abusive relationship. First step is cutting the victim off from family and friends. Abusers start very slowly and in small steps ~ the victim doesn't really realize what is happening. Keep reaching out to her, even if she pushes you away or denies any problem. Someday she will need your help. It may be years from now, but keep your heart and door open.

lol...you both are to nice. I say yahooo!!! now I dont have to go to her stuff (which I dont want to anyway) lol....Ok..feeling a little mean this am.

All my life I have done what I should do, now at 66 I do what I darn well please. I take care of my husband my home and the money, but I won't go places I don't want to go. I don't go to funerals unless they are in the immediate family, same with weddings. Maybe she doesn't enjoy the famiy get togethers, it shouldn't be a duty.

I think some step families just have underlying issues. I'm not sure you ever get to the bottom of all the feelings.

I was raised for many years with my steps and we were actually close...at least I thought so. One I was particularly close to just cuts me off occassionally and I never know why. Each time she gravitates to one of her natural sisters. It has hurt a bunch each time and takes a year or two before she'll talk, but always seems to resolve at my pushing things.

Well, I am sick of pushing and didn't this last time. We are friendly but not close and I don't think we will be again. Now the three steps are meeting where one of them lives(another area). I was excluded from the invite even though it is the birthday of a niece. I guess for me that said very clearly that I am a step and not part of the family.

I've decided to stop pretending, and this year I'm going to another sisters that lives out of area for Christmas. I'm sure it will hurt my parents but I'm sick of the whole step family thing and pretending we are one happy family. I wish we could have been, but it just isn't so.

I'd just be direct and ask your step sister.

Its an invite not a subpeona. Everyone has the right to attend or not. Its not that big a deal. She's only one person out of many and you give her too much power by making an issue of it. Invite her. If she comes, fine - if not, fine! You are letting it bother you.