She sounds very insecure. Maybe she could benefit from talking to a counselor about why she feels the need to call so often, how she can feel good about herself without obsessively needing approval from her dad, what kind of things she can do to make herself happy on her own time, how her parents' divorce is affecting her. Her dad might benefit from going to some of the counseling sesions with her so he can learn how she is feeling and they can explain to each other what their needs are (love, contact, but not obsessive phone calls).

Obviously this little girl doesn't live with her dad. The fact is, if she lived with her father, she would get to spend far more time with him than the five or six phone calls a day add up to. Maybe she just needs to spend more one-on-one time with him. I think it's telling that you say she's "obsessed" with her father. She's 12 years old. She needs her dad. That's not obsessive. That's natural. She also may sense the tension in your voice when you answer the phone, which will automatically make you the "evil" stepmother in her eyes. Try including her in more things. Also, perhaps you could have him make an arrangement to call her every night, just before her bedtime, just to say goodnight and that he loves her. That could go a long way toward solving the problem.

This little girl must really love her Father. How could you worry about your sex life, when there is a child that obviosly thinks that she needs her Father. Could you imagine how much sex you would not be having if she lived with you. That is such an unimportant thing when it is sex life VS. love of a child. I can't believe what I am reading. You need to look at the bigger picture. Really, I am not trying to give you a hard time, but you don't seem to be fair when it comes to this little girl and her Father. I had a stepmother once that could not stand it when my father and I spent time together. It cost her their marriage, My father divorced her for the love of this children. If this is the case for you, you may want to rethink the situation.

As a side note... My paretns were divorced but I had my Father in my life, every day. Did you have yours? What would you have done if Daddy was not always there for you to run to when 'you felt' like you needed him. Give the little girl a break. Don't let her be the boss but maybe there is much more to the picture. I am 30 and my Dad is still my Daddy and I am still his 'princess' that will never change. It is a bond no one should come between.

isnt it funny how a bm will start a thread about the father calling too much, and a step mom starts a thread about the child calling too much?
my suggestion would be to just turn the ringer off. we've been doing it for about 2 years now. the final straw was one night we went out for a special date and he took the cell phone, in the midst of a quiet dinner with intimate talk, one of the boys (they knew we were going out) called to complain about his mom. i sat there, candles glowing, almost in tears. i think at the point i realized (so i thought) that i wasnt nearly as important to him as he was to me. after he ended the call, the night was over. i really expressed how i felt like i was always put on the back burner when it came to the kids.
so now, the cell phone stays in the truck and anytime we want a quiet night at home, the ringer on the phone gets turned off.
i wouldnt express to the daughter your feelings of her calling, she could take it either way, get hysterical that shes not wanted, or she could turn it around and call 10 times a day. if you feel a confrontation is impending, you have to let the father do it.

The next time she comes to visit sit down with her and talk to her about certain times to call. Set up a schedule to follow with phone calls unless it's an emergency of course. Make it positive...to "make sure Dad is always there to be able to talk to her". If that doesn't work...let the machine get it..and if it sounds serious then pick up. You and her dad can only be there for so many phone calls...maybe spend more time with her...or one on one time. Just some suggestion...What does the BM think of all the phone calls??? Why does she allow it to continue so much???

Thaimommy, I think maybe I did not express myself adequately if you some how got the idea that I think sex is more important than the love of a child. My parents are divorced. There are times even now, I wish I could talk to my dad with out having to go through my sm, so I do try to put myself in her shoes. She comes to our house eow and once during the week. I try to make sure she feels like she is getting "quality" time with her dad, just her and dad, as well as trying to make sure that she knows I care about her and very much include her in our lives. My sd parents have been divorced since she was 5. She is 12. Her dad has always been involved in her life. Thats why I could not really understand the insecure behavior. Which now is more like obs. com. behavior. Her mom is somewhat compulsive obsessive and the phone calling seems to be similar. I am not trying to cut her off from her dad and I realize she is at an awkward time in her life, thats why I wanted to try to get some feed back as to how to handle it. It just did not make sense to me that anyone would call anyone every hour and half from 5:00 to 10:00 every night unless there was a problem.

It sounds like the 12 year old girl is going through an insecure time in her life. It's normal. You didn't state how long it's been since the divorce. If it was recent, she might need some reassurance directly from her father. Girls at that age can be sooooo unpredictable, anything will bring on the tears, or defiance. I agree with the posts before me, that counseling might be a good idea, with her father to talk through some things, and, set some limits regarding the timing of these calls so your marriage doesn't suffer too. Tell her that calls after 9 pm can only be an absolute emergency, and stick by it. She is old enough to understand that you and her father need time alone. She is still young, too young to be out with her friends. Once she is a little older, her friends will become her world and you will be surprised that this issue magically disappears. She will spend more time on the phone talking to friends, and her mother will have those issues to deal with....

Just a thought...How long have you and your DH been married? When during your relationship did this behavior start? While dating, after your marriage? I get the feeling your SD may be feeling he loves you more than her. Twelve year old girls can be insecure, gee look at the physical changes that are happening to her. Have you and DH sat down with her and talked about her feelings? If you haven't and plan to do so, be sure to be nonjudgemental. We all have a right to our feelings, it's just sometimes we need help seeing a different way to cope with them. Good luck!