How do you think your husband's view of you will be affected if you:

a) don't do what he asked you to do because you don't wanna do it

b) do it half-a##ed

c) do it grudgingly & gripe about the overtime (hint: you *could* ask him for the funds)

d) generously throw yourself into the spirit of the thing & do exactly for his *son* what you did for your daughter
?

Your choice, your consequences.

Thank you so much for your honest answer, I really needed a reminder.
Another stepson and his fiancée just came over for a visit and I discussed all this with her. She and I thought for some time on how this could work, but the bottom line is that most have bought and sent presents to her already. I will plan something special for the mom and baby but I don't believe it will be a shower.
And just some small background on me, I'm the sole provider of this large blended family after my husband was hurt at work. I am the legal guardian to his handicapped son after his mother abandoned all the kids. I raised his sons and helped them all get their degrees. (When I met them there was concern they wouldn't even graduate high school.) So when I dread working overtime, it is exhausting to me. But I do it when needed.
But I mean it sincerely when I say thank you for your honesty, it reminded me of my priorities which is always my family.

I would tell my husband that I didn't think to plan it earlier and explain that it's not appropriate to do it now because everyone has already given a gift. Like having a football tailgate party the Tuesday after a Saturday game, it just isn't done. Then I'd plan something special together with him to do for his DIL.

If your budget is tight perhaps the two of you could work on something handmade together. That would be so sweet and something your husband could do for his son as a new dad. Maybe a family history for the baby and thoughts about being a grandad.

I know my husband would have treasured some pictures and handwritten thoughts and memories from his dad. Treating all the kids fairly doesn't always mean giving them the same thing.

The other thing you could do is arrange, or have your husband arrange, a no-gift skype shower where guests shower the young couple with their best parenting tips and funny stories about their parenting days. Particularly any memories about your stepson as a baby. Have the group sing a lullaby as a group and record it. Or get some children's books to send and let different Skype shower guests read the part of a character in the books and record it.

Your husband can make a PowerPoint movie of video clips from well wishers interspersed with photograph for the baby. Your husband can do google searches for no-gift showers and maybe find some ideas he likes. Or google handmade baby gifts from grandparents.

I hope you and your husband find something that works for you both.

Sorry, I should have mentioned my main point is that it doesn't have to be you. If your husband is well enough, he can plan something affordable. Maybe your husband's other son and fiancee can help him if he needs technical help.

I think it would be wrong to give a shower involving people who have already sent gifts. I agree, let your husband do it if he wants it done.

Thank you, thank you!! I love these ideas! The wheels are turning now. He's a great wood worker and has always talked about making our future grandchildren either a cradle or a rocking horse. He also is a great photographer and could easily make a video of the new babies relatives here. His mother is 86 and always sings to everyone at special times like birthdays and anniversaries. To have her sing a lullaby in a video along with best wishes from everyone will be special.
I'm so happy I happened upon this forum. Thank you.

First of all, kudos to you for stepping up to the plate and helping to successfully raise your stepchildren. That said, I don't think it's up to you to give this shower, especially if your husband expects it because you had one for your daughter, and particularly if you don't think it will be appreciated. Been there, done that, when I gave an engagement party for my SD after giving one for my own daughter. I spent a lot of time and $ putting it together and didn't even get a thank you. And if she's already received gifts, it's even more inappropriate. There are plenty of alternative things that can be done, as other posters have suggested. Also, does she have a mom, sister, etc? Unless you're the only living step-relative/in-law, I don't think this is your place or your responsibility.

Do they plan on visiting after the baby is born? If so, what about a get together for every to see the baby? If not, how about inviting close friends and family after the baby is born for a Skype session. Make it gifts optional. You are still doing something special for the step son and his family.

Remember this is your husband's grandchild.