Lots of good advise on the SPARC web site...on their message boards there is a lawyer who can answer basic questions... Ask Socrateaser is the message board. They also have a board specifically for child support questions. Their getting started section also has lots of good information.

I believe in some states if a child is born to a couple that is married (even if the child is not the husbands) it is legally considered a child of that union and the husband is on the line for child support.

Here is a link that might be useful: SPARC

OMG! What a nightmare. If I were you I'd do two things right off the bat. Find a good attorney and meet with him so that you know the right answers to the questions you've asked (or start at the web site mentioned above for a less-expensive route). THen, also find a counselor for your own marriage and family to help you get through it.

I know that they cannot force you to move though, or to visit the child. It could end up being a financial obligation only. It looks like you live in CO (?) does she live in CO as well? If so, see the link provided. Child support and paternity laws will be based on the state SHE lives in. I see that in CO, paternity can be established up until the child is 18. So based on this, I guess she could legally go after you for child support plus arrears, but there is a chance that you could fight it. Especially since the girl already has a 'dad' and a 'step-dad'. Where I live, I think the courts would favor making 'dad', blood-dad or not, be responsible for supporting the child. Especially after 5 years of marriage.

Have you had a DNA test? If not, you should insist on one. Also, where does this $500/mo figure come from? There is a formula that takes into account how many children you already have, what your income is and has been over the past 12 years, etc.. It also takes her income into consideration (see FAQ's on the link provided) Has she used such a formula to cite this amount, or is she just hoping for 500/mo ? You have the right to go to the court and question any court orders that are given to you. Make sure they do things right, don't just accept the amount they ask you to pay. Trust me, they will try to get away with asking you to give her whatever she has requested, in the hopes that you won't question it!! (Friend of the Court is often called "Friend of the Mother" )

Hope things work out for you...

Here is a link that might be useful: CO child support info

Thanks- here's some more details on my case...

*Yes- I have an attorney here in Colorado. He thinks some of the arrears may get dropped by going to court, but that the monthly figure will most likely stand. Do I need a more aggressive attorney? Probably, but funds were tight before all of this!
*The mother, child and new family live in Washington.
*That monthly figure is based on Colorado Child Support Services (which will be the determining gov't body because I live here) and figured solely on my salary. My family and expenses do not count. Nor does her new husband's salary count and she does not currently work because of a 2 year old and newborn with her new husband. My 5 year old daughter does do not figure into the finacial equation because the 12 year old is older- even though I did not know about her.
*And yes the DNA test came back as a match.

Accepting the fact that she is mine is one thing. But to simply be a financial source and nothing else after all of this time is another. The mother has known where I have lived and worked since college through mutual friends- so this is certainly not the "dead-beat-dad" running from responsibility scenario. I have obviously had no say in ANY decision with her life and now the mother is actually taking away my ability to provide for my own family, future college funds and the ability of my wife to be a stay-at-home mom which we have proudly worked very hard to sustain!

And the truly frustrating part is the burden that this mistake, that happened 6 years before I met my wife, puts on my her and my daughter. I CAN'T go get another job to pay for it, because that ups my yearly income and thus my support would go up.

When did you find out that this woman had a child that was yours? Not when did she officially tell you via the court, but when did you have reason to believe that this child was yours? Did you really know nothing at all about it until the child was 12, or did you realize when she was pregnant or when the girl was a baby that it was probably yours but opt not to get involved since the woman was already married?

The mother and I were together probably 6 times over a period of 6 weeks. When she became pregnant, she told me that she didn't know who the father was (her husband or I), but that she was working on her marriage and didn't want this to be an issue- so we stopped all contact. He never questioned the pregnancy or child until their divorce 5 years later when she told him of her affair. He is on the birth certificate but the courts dismissed him as father on their divorce decree. Most of that I found out when the court papers were served.

I guess I knew the possibility existed, but assumed that she would have told me, or asked for a DNA test or monetary support sometime within the last 7 years (since her divorce- if not sooner) if she knew for sure or wanted it. If that had happened, a relationship could have been formed, my familial and financial situations would have been greatly altered, and it wouldn't be the stress that it is now.

Just when you think you've heard it all. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
First of all, if there wasnt a judgement issued for support, then HOW can your attorney tell you he may be able to get it reduced? You can't be in arrears for something that the courts havent ordered you to pay. Not to mention, to say that the support wouldve been $500./ 12 YEARS ago??
At what point did you have the paternity test done? I noticed you said it came back positive. Just out of curiosity, why didnt you try to develope a relationship with the child as soon as paternity was established?
I'm confused as to why the courts would allow the first father she knew willingly walk out of her life. I'm shocked that the courts didnt recognize her deception and now they are allowing her to continue the deception.

Jen39503-
My attorney and I have been to the Child Support Services and these were the financial numbers that they gave us. These would be the final numbers UNLESS we challenge it to a court- which we are waiting for a date.
Papers were received in April, test done in May, results in July and now we're waiting for our court date.

As far as a relationship with the daughter, she was only told of me about 9 months ago and like I said, I didn't know for sure until last month. We have emailed a couple of times but just mostly introduction type stuff.

This is certainly a mess! It looks like all you can do is go to court, plead your case and hope for the best! It's a sad situation because from what you say, you really had no reason to believe she was yours after all those years. I also think the woman's ex is a real scum bag! You don't say a child is yours for 5 years and then just ditch her! It seems like he didn't want to have to pay child support or something. Aren't there laws in some states that if someone says they are Dad for so many years, they really can't go back on that? I just hope that in court you get a fair deal. It seems you don't mind accepting this child, you just want a fairer deal because you didn't know she was yours at the time or you would have done something about it. I would make that clear...that you want to be apart of her life and help out now that you know she's yours. It's not as though you're still trying to deny it and don't care at all. Good luck.

~Leslie~

In my state, whoever is stated on the birth certificate at the time of birth if legally responsible for that child until he is 18 if he doesn't dispute it within 6 months.
I can't imagine them making you pay back pay. As others have stated, you haven't run away from paying child support all of these years.
I wish you the best in this situation and I feel for you. My brother was told that he had a four year old son whom he knew nothing about either. He lives about 15 minutes from him and is not allowed to see him even though he has tried to pay child support and develop a relationship with his son. The boy will turn 18 this Tuesday, so I am hoping that someday soon, they can really get to know each other.
As hard as this is, try to consider it a blessing that you have another child that you can love and have a relationship with. I wish you the best and gosh, I hope that all of this does not put a major financial and emotional strain on your marriage.
Good Luck !!
Lu

Is that woman greedy or what? Not to mention what she is putting her daughter through. She must feel like her identity is being tossed around. This sounds more like a planned--coniving scheme that whenever she needed to get out of a jam financially, she would go after you. You would think since her husband was on the birth certificate...and you didn't have knowledge of exactly whose baby it was...that you should only have to pay from time of proof of paternity. You know, it's sad but your daughter may only see 1/2 of that money. Her mom just sounds like she has other plans for it. I just had to put my 2 cents in...as if you are not upset enough. Sorry, I hope everything turns out okay for you and your family and with your daughter. Good luck.