I'm not sure that she's willing to listen to me much anymore. We had a fight a couple of days ago. She was laid off from her first "real" job about three months ago, and managed to find a new job within a few weeks, which is good. Now she's started saying to me that she's had a new job offer, and she asked me what I thought. I told her that being straight out of college, and holding a job for one year, then the next for only two months, and then jumping to another job is NOT going to look good on her resume, because future employers would think she was flaky. She said I was being way too stringent, and that she would surely hold this next job for several years, and that would prove she wasn't flaky. I was like, "How do you know that you'll hold this next job for several years? The company could go under. You could get laid off again. I think you need to stay where you are for at least a couple of years, and have a good solid employment record before you shift to another job." She has no good reason to switch to this other job; it's like someone shows her something shiny and her attention changes to that direction. Those of you suggesting ADD might be onto something. She felt that I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about when it comes to what future employers might look for when it comes to her employment history, and that they wouldn't care if she had jumped around from job to job. Never mind that I have several years more work experience than her, and have been on hiring committees at major universities; I guess I know nothing. The argument then basically shifted into her saying that she knew that I thought she was a f*** up, and that I disapproved of her life choices, etc. Not totally untrue, I'm afraid. At this point, I'm not sure where the friendship is. I have a hard time being friends with someone that I can't even really respect, I guess. I've come to realize that I'm sick of being her keeper, and that's really about all our relationship ever was...

Like Popi, I don't know if you want suggestions or just to vent. If you need to vent, my heart breaks for you in your situation. I haven't been in your situation, but I have had one family member with substance abuse issues, one family member with depression, and another family member with head trauma. In every one of those cases, the outcome for my family member either has turned out great or appears to be turning out great. Still, it was so very hard for both the family and the person with the issue. It's hard, and everyone in my family carries some scars and baggage from those times, but we grew and became better people as well, so there's hope. My first suggestion is that you find a chapter of NAMI near you, or whatever they have that's similar where you live. If they have any support programs for spouses, it would be great if your husband would go, and your kids, too. You shouldn't feel guilty for your mental illness or your breakdown. However, you and your family might need some help understanding the trauma that everyone went through and how to deal with it constructively. The next thing I'm going to say is in regards to him wanting to take the phone and you don't. I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who has sort of been in your husband's shoes. I was mom and dad both for awhile, responsible for keeping the family together during a horrible time. It's hard to put that toothpaste back in the bottle. It won't kill your daughter not to have a phone, and if your husband is this frustrated and stressed perhaps it would help him to be able to make this decision without argument. If you have come back from your breakdown and are doing fine, it's understandable and fair to you and your hard work that you slip back into your normal mom role. But they are not the same people they were before, and you may not be able to slip back into that role in the same way, even if you deserve to be able to do that and would be good at it. Another thing I would say, and only because it's an easy thing to address. It's certainly not the most important thing. Are you sure you want to fight that battle with a 14-year-old and the leggings? Is it something you hate or is it not allowed by the school? Pick your battles. There are family dynamics that change when a parent has a mental breakdown or an injury that changes (even temporarily) a parent's ability to reason. I say this with all the compassion in the world. You have no idea how much. As much as you can, use this situation to teach your children how to cope and overcome overwhelming circumstances. If you can keep from getting angry, getting overwhelmed with guilt, stay calm, etc., then do it. Remember that everything doesn't have to be addressed right then. Let's think about it and discuss it later is almost always an option. For example, if your daughter is going out with leggings. This is not a life-threatening and in my opinion morally threatening situation. If it's a tense time, you can always say nothing to your daughter at the time. Then later, privately, when you and your daughter are calm, you can discuss this with her calmly. Talk to her about why you think what you do, hear her out and give her a chance to talk to you about her thoughts. If you decide to continue holding this position, set consequences. Make sure your husband is on board. Then don't argue about it with either of them. When she sneaks out with leggings, enforce your consequences. When the family situation is tense and difficult and there are teens in the home, as much as you can stay calm, logical and consistent and deal with problems when things are calm, it's my experience that's best. If she's about to get in the car with a drunk kid, it can't wait. That CAN'T be decided later. But if she tends to go out with inappropriate clothing, then discuss that with your husband during a calm time, discuss it with her at a calm time, set your consequences and enforce them calmly. I know that it seems crazy when all about you is crumbling. And sometimes we moms just can't stay calm, no matter how hard we try. My thoughts are with you.

We just found out that Zoey is crate trained..... her foster mom never mentioned it, and told us that Zoey was used to having free run of the house. Zoey is now accustomed to using a crate as her bed, but we've never actually closed her in there. My wild imagination worried that Zoey would rattle around in the crate and scream like a banshee, but we were pleasantly surprised when we decided to close the crate door behind her. We had my folks and one of my sisters over last night for New Year's, and decided we'd put her in her crate while we were eating dinner (we don't have a dining table yet, so we balanced plates on our knees). So, I tossed a Twist 'n' Treat filled with her fav cookies into her crate, and she followed it in and didn't even know I'd closed the crate door behind her. Turned out we left her in there for 2 hours during the 3 hours my family was there, and she was as quiet as a church mouse. I even popped into the bedroom, where the crate is, a couple times to use the master bath, and she didn't make a peep. When I finally let her out, she was deep asleep, zonked out with the empty treat holder next to her. After the treats were gone, she probably just thought it was time to go to sleep, since that's what she's used to doing in her crate. Anyhoo, this is good news! Everybody was right when they said a dog has to have a place of their own to feel safe.

I've been walking. I also have been doing my normal gym floor work and stretching in the living room. Body weight squats and lunges. Push-ups. Kettlebell swings (with a dumbbell, because I don't actually own a kettlebell). And I broke out my stepladder to do step-ups. I have some resistance bands that I haven't broken out yet but was thinking this morning that I should for rows and the like. But I haven't been working out as often as I should (that was also a problem when I was going to the gym...). I always intend to take a walk every day, but I'm fortunate enough to still have a full-time job working from home, and cooking and cleaning are taking up way more of my time than normal. So the days have been getting away from me. I need the structure, though, and the exercise, and the change of scenery.