There are many resourses for this if your relatives for what ever reason are unable to help. I know with my Dad, who was blind, with Mom in the hospital, I could not stay with him, and my DD did and until later I did not realize what he put her thru. I should have put him into a nursing home as it almost ruined my DD life. To this day I feel so bad. I worked full time, but even if I didn't, I could not have handled it. Some people can, some people cannot. There are many agencies that will help. You did not state how old you are, but you should be out either working, or possible in school to develop a life of your own. Regardless of your relationship with your parents, and your Dad saying he will not go to a home, you have a responibility to YOURSELF first. Talk to a pastor, counsleour, or?? Check at the YMCA/YWCA for a support group. It is your Mom's responiblity, not yours to take on this problem. Yes, you can help, but not do EVERYTHING> Be strong and tell Mom you cannot do it all the time. As a Mom, it is her job, not yours. This is from a Senior Citizen in her mid 70's advise.

Bunny in your case the profession would be gigolo! Nice work if you can get it. I was never pretty enough and my gag reflex is too strong. Math has haunted me all my life, unfortunately I can't stay away from it as I am in the science field. I can barely keep my two phone numbers straight in my head. Last summer I suffered through college algebra (again) in a vain attempt to raise my GRE anayltical score. Plus studied all the tutorials for the math part in my spare time. I would hate to imagine what kind of score I would have gotten had I not done all of that! Still it wasn't good enough to get into a doctoral program. So if I ever have any spare time again, I will be back at the math tutorials. I just don't have the knack, it's a real struggle. The job I want is to write trite, innacurate platitudes and make a bundle selling books to miserable bourgeoise who dream of being a forest ranger! People say I'm a good writer. Another gig I fantasize about is travel WRITER. You know, go on fantastic trips, and then write about it for the poor slobs stuck in the office! Having had jobs that a lot of people fantasize about being easy and stress free, it is one of my pet peeves. Like the idea that teaching science to kindergarteners is "easy" because it is at a basic level. Yes of course it's easy for a college educated person to understand the science part, but the difficult part in managing the kids with their different perceptions, experience, maturity level, and 15 minute attention spans, etc. It's not just a matter of speaking slower and louder! And to work as a tour guide at a national park you have to put up with years and years of grunt work and moving from park to park. One of my former students works for the National Park Service. Sure he has had some great jobs--he once lived in a lighthouse on an island off the coast of WI on Lake Superior. But i saw him last summer and he says he longs to settle down. He said he wants to finally know where the hardware store is and what box he left that book in. He's lived in five places throughout the country in eight years--FLA, WI, CA, WA, and now ND. Yes, he's finally gotten a job where he can settle down a bit--in the Badlands! Going on a nature hike in a park is fun and relaxing, but it isn't necessarily fun and relaxing for the person who's job it is to lead it. They work hard to make it look easy. Not that I haven't loved my career, but non-competitive and stress free it aint. The visitors feel non-competitive and stress free--but they are on vacation. The employees are not, and all the things that they deal with and take care of are the stresses the visitors are there to avoid. That's what they get paid for, to deal with them so the visitors don't have to. If you live in a tony vacation spot it is even worse. On your way running errands or to the grocery or laundromat you have to pass by folks lounging around on the beach, something you would LOVE to do, if only you had the time! But you're NOT on vacation. It's like torture, lol! I much prefer grungy Allentown where the housing is affordable and the parking is ample and folks are as stuck here as you so might as well smile and make the best of it! But having worked outside most of my life I am unfortunately spoiled for a desk job. It also doesn't suit my personality--I need to be up and doing.

kcils, I've been reading this forum and have seen several of your threads. You've been wrestling with your feelings for a while about this marraige. I have to agree with you that you're in this half-heartedly at this point. Please bear with me, and don't think I'm judging you. But maybe you can gain a new perspective on a few things, or shed some light for us on them so that we can better understand. Remember, men and women often have different perspectives on things, and that is likely why you asked for opinions.... You mentioned a few things that I'm suprised about. These things are typically addressed in marriage counseling right away as surface symptoms, since they go way back in your relationship. "My wife is very clingy, needy, and spoiled, I should have seen the early warning signs especially when a month before we were married the ring I gave her wasn't big enough and she traded it in, no matter how much i pleaded that it's not the size its the meaning." How does trading a ring for one that fits equate needy and spoiled? To me this seems to be a matter of practicality. In addition, a woman wants a ring she can actually wear. Many many women don't even take theirs off for showering. I wonder if maybe you are undervaluing the importance of this for her. While it may have fit a percieved romantic ideal for you, it would have totally gone against a woman's romantic ideal. When my ring was stolen last year, I freaked. I can't stand the thought of not wearing it. Not all women feel this way, but many do. Honestly, as a new bride, I would have felt hurt that I'd be expected to not be allowed to have a ring that fits that I could wear. I have to ask, why would you beg her not to get one that does? I don't understand that. I guess I sense you are finding faults now that you hadn't let bother you before. I would also suspect that she notices too, and it may have something to do with her perceived clinginess, which often comes from insecurity. I think she may well feel insecure if she senses she may be losing her marriage. I would consider that a strong possibility were I you. "I also believe that she may have some deep psychological problems being that I have to actually tuck my wife into bed every night i believe this stems from her sleeping in the bed with her parents until we were married," I just don't see that as a deep psychological problem. I often ask hubby to tuck me in, call me crazy. I've been married 17 years and my husband and I have different work schedules. He's a chef, and that often means some erratic hours. If I'm ready for bed, and he's not, sometimes I'll just say, "hey sweetie, come tuck me in?" I don't want to go to bed without him, but I can't realistically expect him to go right to bed a few minutes after he gets home from work -- he needs time to unwind. I have to be up early though, so I have to go to bed. It allows us to have a goodnight kiss and a hug, and I drift off to sleep peacefully. I perceive it as a really sweet gesture and a sign of affection. Maybe your wife is feeling some insecurity and is using this as a way to find some sort of closeness to you. Even if it did stem from her parental closeness, the reasoning STILL fits. Give some thought to this. It doesn't sound as though she's demanding you come to bed with her. I am not judging you, I am just giving you a few things to think about. The more you look for things to dislike about her to justify a divorce in your mind, the more you will find.

There is perhaps a bit of misdirected anger/resentment IMO here. Lots towards the BM and the SS but perhaps more should be towards the DH. DH signed on for the time. It really matters not what BM is doing that she won't change time because you have plans. No more so than if you would not change plans if the issue were reversed. It's pretty simple actually. You have plans, your child is going to family during your planned event...now DH can either take the evening off, hire a sitter, or send his son to a willing member of his own family or good friend. Why DH is not already doing this is not really the BM's fault. Sure you feel 'trapped' into staying home, but the problem is DH for not having plans for his son. I would not stay home and cancel plans. Years ago when my SS was still living with us and my DS and our children together, I either hired a sitter or if my family was sitting they sat for SS too. Dh and i did not have bio-parents around to send kids back to, get angry at becasue we needed a sitter or whatever. It was DH, I and kids. Period. We had to figure out together how and when outting events that did not include children would occur. I'd think your BM also needs to figure out something on her end during her times of having the son if plans come up for her.Just because she suddenly wants to go out on any given evening should not necessarily mean she can call you/DH up and say 'you have to take him tonight'. IMHO your DH has taken what should be his responsibilty and 'fixed' it in his mind that it's yours. Your responsible for one of these children, but he is responsible for both. I would not do the calling around trying to see if BM will take the son either. Let him do that if that is his 'solution' to you having plans. Let him do his own 'dirty work' so to say. You can't be expected to stay home every night of your life and finding a 'sitter' should not involve YOU calling around and begging BM. His kid, his problem. Yeah, that sounds a bit cold, but he could take the evening off or change his schedule...if he can't do that , then he'll have to figure out what HE can do. If there were no YOU, he'd have to figure this out. Just becasue there is a YOU does not take his role as parent to this child away. I don't think you're wrong in feeling so resentful, but I do think the resent needs to be placed where in the proper place. This is more an issue between you and Dh rather than a SS/BM issue.