September Dilemma

16 years ago

My son's father called me yesterday and told me he had purchased the tickets in September this past weekend to take my son for a week. Told me the days he would be flying down and back. The day he will be picking him up is a Saturday that my DH is to be spending it with his daughter at the park. When I told my DH that my DS would be leaving while he would be at the park, he got upset. Hurt not angry, well angry because he wouldn't be there. I just kind of dismissed it as, this is none of my concern as spending the day with his daughter was something we have pushing for, for so long.

It is however nagging at me, but would never disclose that to my DH as he is already feeling guilty for not being able to go. Would I be wrong in asking him to speak to his ex-wife in maybe making that Saturday a little later in the afternoon. I had a very hard time letting him go last time, not actually letting him go, but more along the lines when he started screaming and crying as I walked away. But I actually threw up at the airport about 4 times because I was so upset. I know I need some emotional support, and isn't that what any husband is supposed to be there for, regardless of first of second marriage?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (12)

mom_of_4
16 years ago
if this is something that is that difficult and that hard then yes... ask to have daughter later and have hubby by your side... it is not to much to ask
cawfecup
16 years ago
Angelz...I know you want him there but BM is gonna put a fight... you know she will she will cancel the whole thing or be there "waiting" for him to show and when you do go back to mediator she is gonna throw it in his face. I know it sucks seeing your son off by yourself but It'll be easier in the long run than arguing with BM over it.
Related Discussions
Azalea Dilemma
Q
Comments (3)
I have a little different approach. I live in hot humid PA. I never water more than once a week, especially in well mulched beds. So I would water, if necessary, heavily just before leaving, and then water, if necessary just after returning. If the plants are hardy for your area, and were field grown (balled and burlaped), there should be absolutely no problem planting them now. If they are tender for your area, planting anytime will be a problem. If they were container grown, and are hardy, then they should receive a little protection this winter, especially evergreen azaleas. Some wind protection and sun protection is good. I use cedar shingles stuck in the ground to provide this protection for very small plants. For larger plants I use burlap for up to 3 winters, no more. If you use burlap, keep the top open. The burlap is there only to protect the plant from sun and wind but you must have good ventilation and access to rain. In general, fall is the best time to plant. If they have been fertilized after June, then that may be more of a problem than your being away for a week. If they were fertilized after June and have tender new growth coming out, this probably won't harden off and will freeze back. Hence, you may want to at least protect them with burlap.
...See More
Harvest Dilemma (Rutgers Determinate)
Q
Comments (4)
Because you will be out of town : -- put the very ripe ones in the refrigerator. -- pick any and all the tomatoes with a hint of color and place them in a cardboard box inside lots of crumble newspaper, put the box in a relatively cool place (like basement). By the time you return ( in 7 days) they should be ripening. Anything else on the plant wont have a chance to over ripen in that time(7 days)
...See More
September 2018, Week 1, September Morn.....
Q
Comments (33)
Lisa--so amazed you did it, and so proud of you for doing it! And am so thrilled it was good for you. I've had two other friends who did it, as well. Very rewarding for both, just to know. One of the friends and her family bonded and see each other. Wasn't as good an experience for the other, but she was grateful that she knew about it all, finally. The deer incident affected me more than I thought it would. First, the reality of it and how to handle it. How sad it was to see this creature in such distress. And how problematic it seemed to wonder about the appropriate way to deal with it. It's like we live in the country, with all the critters around us; and yet we live in the country with neighbors very near to us, save for the forest directly across the front of our immediate property and behind our immediate property. GDW felt strange, walking across the street and shooting the poor thing in view of whoever might be driving by or outside. I felt a little freaked when I went out to help him load her into the truck, and two vehicles drove by about that time. I don't think they saw the deer, who was in a bit of a ditch right next to the road, but I felt kind of like a criminal. Had push come to shove, we'd have felt fine about our actions had we been asked to explain. I suggested we call the game wardens, but GDW said the chances of them being able to come right out were slim; so that's when we loaded her into the truck to go to the burn pile. As it stands now, she is still in back of the truck; we will unload her tomorrow nearby, with the nice game warden's blessing. He said I might be surprised to know how many calls they get like ours. And he told me to thank my husband for him, in choosing to put her out of her suffering. And here was poor Garry, with one eye swollen shut! He waves it off, and any of the rest of us might, too. But he is definity hampered temporarily. Now if he was going to be like that from now on, he'd get used to it. We've been laughing about it today; I found myself thinking, "Let's see; if I lose an eye, which one would I prefer to lose. Definitely my left one." hahaha I've been loving binge-watching Anthony Bourdain's Parts Unknown series, connecting with people all around the world through food. I had only caught 2-3 of the shows when I had TV. Liked them, but not the way I do now. Eileen, it's your fault. How little I knew about Singapore! And now I know a LOT about that supercity/super country. (AND my new favorite, Asian foods and learning to fix them!) And it sort of lit me on fire with how little I know of other cultures. I won't be doing any traveling (not any more than necessary now), but I will travel through books and excellent documentaries. I am absolutely blown away by these journeys of Bourdain's, and the care and attention that team took, to present important and worthy shows that illustrate societies around the world and our commonality. And the sadness many of the countries have gone through, might even be going through now, and the buoyancy and resiliency of the people. And how he manages to bond/communicate with them in these episodes, and also to introduce the rest of us to these people all around the world, a bit of their history, and the common love of food. Great show, glad I finally am watching it all. And so with this great Asian way of cooking, it has ignited and changed to some extent, the way I want to grow veggies. I see a lot more greens in the future. Sigh. I hate salad. BUT when I watch or read about Asian cooking, greens look good and fun! LOL Thanks, Eileen. It's a little late to be planting some of what I want to, but have gone out on a limb with a few. But will be putting in a few more greens tomorrow. I got my garlic order in to SESE before they ran out; I got my coral honeysuckle order into Almost Eden (I had it in the cart and just remembered yesterday that I hadn't punched "Order.") So did that. And you guys know how it goes. Couldn't order JUST one thing, so also ordered some rainbow-kinda colored echinacea--a couple of them. That was because my present grown-from-seed ones have done so splendidly. I was so so ticked off today pulling Bermuda out of the front shop bed and the back Bermuda bed. I hate Bermuda. I'd rather have mud or dirt in our "lawn," or crabgrass, than Bermuda. YES, it's fairly easy to get out with my Hori Hori, but it's every brutal inch or two, and in the front bed today, some of it was 10 inches down. Thing is with those two beds, I didn't properly prep them in the first place and work to get it all out. Hmm. On the other hand, the soil is so much better now and deep enough, and loose enough, that it's easier to get out. So. I guess it's okay. My concern is the established plants. I may end up having to take them all out, just to get all the Bermuda. I hate Bermuda. Will sign off. Life is fragile, we must remember to appreciate every single day, even Bermuda grass days. Maybe especially Bermuda grass days. We're dealing with it, we're fixing it, inch by slow inch! And so far, I'm digging it up faster than it can grow . Diligence will produce victory.
...See More
September 2019, Week 2
Q
Comments (41)
I feel like I am so far behind I'll never catch up, but I'll try. Larry, Those cookies look awesome. I'm glad you ate one for each of us. Farmgardener, One of the things I love about this group is that we weave discussions about real life together the way it really happens---because none of us garden in a vacuum, so of course we must discuss grandchildren, great recipes, pets, wildlife, etc. At some points in the year if we could discuss only gardening, I think we might run out of things to talk about. Your story about your grandson is so cute! It reminds me of when Chris graduated from kindergarten at the age of 5. They had little caps and gowns and a ceremony and everything. On our way home, I looked over at him and he was holding back tears. I asked what was wrong and he said "I don't want to move out and get a job and get an apartment." I could hardly control my mirth as I explained to him that he didn't have to grow up, move out, get an apartment and get a job until he'd graduated from college when he would be in his 20s. He was so relieved! How a 5 year old ever got the idea that graduating from kindergarten meant it was time to go out into the world and support himself is just beyond me. I'm glad you got some rain! Our mesonet station got an inch of rain, most of it yesterday afternoon, but all of that missed us. I had expected the rain would miss us and had watered the garden and containers thoroughly the day before rain was expected so I didn't have to sit and worry about whether it was coming or not. Had it rained, I just would have considered that rain to be a bonus. Larry, I usually don't dig sweet potatoes until October, assuming the September nights stay warm, which they have so far, but of course you can dig them at any size you want. Maybe you'll find bigger taters underground than you're expecting? dbarron, I seriously hate this heat. It has cooled down a little bit, but not a lot, and I am so sick and tired of it. I'm ready for all the good things that come with cooler weather....I'd love a really chilly evening or morning, but that could be weeks away still. Because it is so warm, zinnia seeds from the current flowers have sprouted in the pathways and the little plants are 2-3" tall. I bet they get big enough to flower since the weather is staying so warm. Nancy, Cats are not allowed to sleep in our room with us because they are too disruptive. Of course, you have to train them to learn to handle the night without you. They have cat beds, blankets, toys, food and water. All they're lacking is human company at night, and they've learned they have to live without that human company until somebody gets up in the morning. We close our door at night and they've never destroyed it yet. If they are scratching at the door, I've been known to put them in the spare bedroom (with a litter box and food/water, and a cat bed and blanket that are in that room all the time) and close the door. Staying in the spare room hasn't killed a cat yet and they've gotten used to not being in our room with us. You know, you're the grown-ups and they are the fur kids, so you can train them to be the way you want them to be. Your sweet potatoes will be fine. The vines are protecting them from the sun and often sweet potatoes will enlarge enough to pop up out of the ground that way. Amy, I've grown ornamental sweet potatoes indoors over the winter before---I kept them near an east-facing window so they had morning sun and was careful to avoid overwatering them and they did just fine. I like to do this some years so that I don't have to buy new plants in the spring. I just dig up the current year's taters, prune the vines back sharply, replant them in pots I can bring indoors, etc. I usually leave them outdoors on the porch for as long as possible---until the nights start dropping into the 50s, and then I bring them in to stay. They really love warm weather and lots of sunshine, so don't grow as rampantly indoors as they do outdoors, but that is a good thing. If you went to see The Lion King, I hope the boys liked it. Lillie and Aurora adored it, though I think they liked Aladdin a bit more. I was a little worried that the death of Mustafa or the hyenas might be too upsetting for Aurora, who was 4 when she saw the movie, but neither one seemed to bother her at all. Actually, my sister and I felt like all my mom's great-grandchildren really benefitted from seeing The Lion King so close to our mother's death because we were able to discuss mom's life/death using the circle of life analogy from the movie in a way that even the youngest great-grandchild could understand. Sometimes in the garden we have that same circle of life discussion about both plants and insects in the garden, and I hope that lesson sticks with the kids. I'm doing to ignore the Burpee's sale if I can, but I'll say this...as expensive as their catalog seeds are, if they cut the price down to half-off, they're as affordable as seeds from most other companies. I only buy Burpee Exclusives from them, and not that often either, because everyone else beats them, pricewise on the things that are not exclusive to Burpee. Rebecca, I hope you found time for a nap. Afternoon naps are just the best! I didn't do any gardening today at all. It was CostCo/Sam's Club, grocery store and feed store day instead. I wanted to go to some of the big box stores and look at plants, but then there's the question why? What plants could I possibly want to plant in this hot weather? I'm still waiting for the autumn cool-down, and not waiting very patiently either. It also was NCAA football game day, but the only game I've been interested in watching is OU's game tonight. I just cannot get into football when it is 90-whatever outdoors and the heat index is near 100. If it doesn't feel like football weather (if anyone here remembers what it is like to sit on the bleachers at a football game and feel COLD, lol, then that is the football weather I remember from my younger years), I cannot really get into a football mood. We need to mow tomorrow. I am tired of mowing. It is crazy how fast the grass continues to grow even though we haven't had any rain in a couple of weeks now. Tim, of course, adores mowing so he'll be out that riding in circles on the riding mower, happy as a pig in mud. Dawn
...See More
angelz921
Original Author
16 years ago
*sigh* that's what I thought too. And why I didn't bring it up last night with my DH, maybe will I have my mom and dad come with me or something. His ex would probably love to use this against him in court, "Her child is more important to him then his own is."

It's just so depressing, so much so that it brought me to tears this morning. I take him everywhere he needs to go in retrospect to her, court, shopping for gifts, visitations now. But the one time I need help in regards to my own he can't be there because of her. I wish she would be understanding that since I am the one who does all of the transporting to and from that she should be more thankful to me then she is. But I know, I know it doesn't work that way.
finedreams
16 years ago
What seems sad in this situation that your son is really upset to leave you and does not sound as excited about seeing his dad.

Is there any way to convince him that it is such a fun and wonderful thing to be with dad? Maybe BD can come up with some exciting promices of fun times. I think if your son will be in anticipation to actually have fun with dad, he would not cry in the airport and you will have easier time to let him go knowing that he is happy.
sweeby
16 years ago
Angelz - I remember how I felt when sending my oh-so-little one of to visit his dad. But the important thing to remember is that you need to do what's best for HIM - not what you feel like doing. I know you're scared -- But please, please don't let your son know you're scared.

When you say goodbye to your little one, you need to swallow your own fear, pain and anxiety and put on a big fake happy face. Pull out your best "Yummy - spinach!" voice and tell your son how he'll have a lot of fun with his daddy and that you'll want to hear all about it when he comes back home in _______ days. Don't think about how much you'll miss him, and above all, don't TELL your son how much you'll miss him because that will make your son feel bad that he's making you sad. Just tell him how wonderful it will be to see him when he gets home again.

If you can spend a happy 15 minutes with BioDad at the airport, that'll help your son transition. Maybe Dad can get him a little toy for the plane trip that he could pull out when it's time for you to leave? But as soon as your son looks like he's feeling comfortable with Dad, then quickly say your goodbyes, turn around and you walk this way - Dad walks that way.

Once your son is out of sight and out of earshot -- Then, if you need to, you can fall apart. You may not even need to. Funny thing about acting brave is that sometimes, you can even fool yourself... ;-)
webegardnr
16 years ago
I'm with sweeby on this. PLEASE for your son's sake, keep your act together until he's on the plane. I just wish my step kids mom could see what she does to them when she pulls the "I miss you so much. I love you. I miss you" line over and over.
Reinforce the postive to him several times prior to the day he is to leave.
angelz921
Original Author
16 years ago
The why on my son freaking out about seeing his father at the airport is mainly because he sees this man every 3 - 4 months. The last time he saw him was in May, and to a 3 year old that's pretty much forever!

I tell him he is going to get on a BIG airplane and fly, as he loves airplanes. I told him he gets to see Mimi, his step mom who he loves and his cousins. LOL he gets more excited to see her then him!

I was pushing his father to do this visit sooner but he came up with excuses every time I turned around. Now my son will be gone on my birthday, so I am looking at it as my DH and I get to go out to a very expensive restaurant that I have been dieing to go to for a while.

His father buys his love like most typical father's and has promised him things over the phone so much so that he is numb to the idea. When my son refuses to talk to him he says things like if you don't talk to me boy I will take your football away! So after hearing things like that my son doesn't seem to get exited about much in regards to him.

They live in Maryland and are minutes from DC so they have lots of exiting things to do but who knows, last time he spent 4 out of 7 days with his SM at there apartment. Which upset me only because he doesn't see his son for months and then leaves him with her all day. She is a great women and love the way she is with him, and she talks to him on the phone all the time and I don't have a problem with that either. But why spend all the money to fly your child up to spend time with you and then not do it.

Off subject, sorry. I try to tell him how much fun he will have with his family up there but he just doesn't want to go with a complete stranger. I never pull that I miss you so much I love blah blah blah stuff. I know better, I would be no better then my DH's ex by promoting that sort of behavior. Which is why the last time after saying good bye I just had to walk away, because there was no calming him down. No matter what any of us said.
webegardnr
16 years ago
since he does like MiMi, could she possibly be the one to be at the airport instead of his biofather?
angelz921
Original Author
16 years ago
Webgardnr, as much as I absolutely love that idea. I doubt it could happen as his Bekah (Mimi) is pregnant and due around the first of October, she wont be able to fly. And frankly I don't think I would want her to fly down here that far along, god forbid if anything happened to her I wouldn't know how to live with myself.

It's funny how both her and I are due about 2 weeks apart. But she's lucky she's not dealing with Florida heat, she's got that cool weather in Maryland.
finedreams
16 years ago
Oh I see now, he is only 3 and does not see his father that much. No wonder he feels about him like he is a stranger. I thought he is older. I see the situation now. Maybe youi can get someone esle to go with you: your parents, siblings, cousin, good friend, anyone whom child also knows and who you are close with. It might help.
webegardnr
16 years ago
Yes, I'd say that is indeed out. : ) You are in a pickle. Seeing a 3 year old that upsest does hurt, and with your condition, you should have someone with you. Unfornutaly your DH really needs to go to his appointed visitation as others have said. Do you have a (recent) picture of your son's dad? Maybe seeing it often will lessen the fear of him being a virtual stranger to you son?
angelz921
Original Author
16 years ago
I have 2 picture's on the wall in my sons bedroom of his dad, but they don't seem to help.

I called my mom and dad and they are going to go with me to take my son, though that bothered my DH more when I told him I asked them to go with me.

He is torn between his daughter and my son, because in his eyes my son is his son. So it's hard and I respect that but I don't know what he expect me to do in this situation.

Yes, I am in a pickle!

September Dilemma

Comments (12)

mom_of_4

cawfecup

Related Discussions

angelz921
Original Author

finedreams

sweeby

webegardnr

angelz921
Original Author

webegardnr

angelz921
Original Author

finedreams

webegardnr

angelz921
Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

September Dilemma

Comments (12)

Related Discussions

angelz921Original Author

angelz921Original Author

angelz921Original Author

angelz921Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

angelz921
Original Author

angelz921
Original Author

angelz921
Original Author

angelz921
Original Author