Hrm. My exhusband is also incarcerated but on everything but murder.

I tried recently to get sole legal custody of my daughter so that if I ever DID remarry OR if I wanted to move, I could, easily, without his consent or whatever. He will be put away for 7 yrs and of course will screw up his parole when he gets out, so that was that.

The judge told me, to my face, that this is "unfair to him" and I "cannot do this to him". He has "his rights to his child, no matter what he has done wrong and no matter he has never supported her. He has RIGHTS".

So I would think if your loser Ex wants to contest, stomp his feet, and be a total thorn in your side, he will. Courts allow way too many rights to people like that. I was embarassed and tucked my tail after leaving the courtroom.

Courts usually don't force adoptions. The other parent (if he does still have legal rights?) has to sign away the rights and allow the adoption.

Then again, this is Kentucky; and everything is backwards. Maybe your state is better?

Talk to a lawyer (free counsel). My lawyer was very blatant and told me I would prolly lose my case, which I did.

Good luck to you...

- darkeyedgirl

From what I've read on the web, if you try to get a contested step-parent adoption through the courts, you need to prove abandonment -- which I don't know if incarceration counts or not. It doesn't look to have counted in darkeyedgirl's case, at any rate.

Like darkeyedgirl said, consult legal aid. My own advice would be to keep a running diary of all non-contact, particularly if you or your children try to initiate contact and get no response or are rebuffed. Establish a documented contact history for 1-2 years to show that the pattern of behavior.

That being said, dunno what courts usually say in the extreme cse you find yourself in.

I have been keeping a diary of the no contact, along with copies of every letter I've sent to him attempting contact. I have sole legal and physical custody, he was granted NO visitation, and hasn't fought me on it in 3 1/2 years. He has paid $50.00 in child support in that time, but other then that NOTHING. I have offered several times to get the paperwork rolling to have him sign off his parental rights, but he never responds. I have been nice enough to send him photo's of the kids each year, telling him how well they are doing, and how wonderful life is for them. No response. So I've been pushing the child support issue attempting to get him on contempt for arrears,and hopefully incarceration. Which would violate his parole, (he is currently on for the next 8 years, 4 months, 3 days (But who's counting *S*) and is constantly in and out of jail, that I have documents proving, compliments of the town clerks office. I just keep on plugging, hoping someday the judge will say he has no rights anymore. Don't give up.

I think if you have a record of 3 years of basically no contact, then you have a good case for abandonment. (I'm just average person, mind, so don't just take my word for it.) I'd go ahead, present your case to legal aid, see what they say. That being said, actually filing for a change in status my trigger a "nobody's taking my kids from me" reaction, even though there wasn't any interest before. Be prepared.